


Confessions from my Perfect Life

by millionlittletings



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blowjobs, Businessman Liam, Humor, M/M, OT5, OT5 Friendship, Smut, Weekend Getaway, banters between harry and louis, best husband harry, bit angst, rockstar zayn, shopaholic louis, talent hunter niall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 06:12:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 82,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12811365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millionlittletings/pseuds/millionlittletings
Summary: Louis Tomlinson is living the dream: a lavish penthouse, loving friends, and family, a cuddle-bug dog, a well-paying job with high-profile contacts. Best of all, he’s married to Harry Styles. He lives in the moment and doesn’t really worry about the future. He knows Harry has it all under control.That is, until everything goes wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sea Thankyou so much for reading it as I wrote it and telling me how it looks.   
> You are a darling! Love ya. x

_**Chapter 1** _

 

“No,” I sleepily shoo away my husband's hand. I don't know what time is but I know it must be morning else he wouldn't dare to wake me up. His warm fingers gently trail down my shoulder. A second later, his warm body is pressing behind me and his hand slips down my waist. He plants soft gentle kisses on my shoulder, on my nape and beneath it. He nuzzles me behind my ear and his tongue lightly touching the sensitive skin there. He lovingly kisses my temple before biting my ear lightly and I _tsk_ in sweet pain. His dexterous fingers gently tickle my tummy; my entire body vibrates with the awareness of him.

 

“Get up!” He says in his warm deep voice. Harry's voice is deeper than mine, deeper than everyone I know and it's deeper than the ocean in the morning. I love his morning voice. It’s like butter melting on warm toast.

 

“No!” I groan in protest. “It’s Sunday,” the day of the week I wait for religiously.

 

“And you have an appointment today. Your favorite client will be there at 10,” Harry reminds me. He remembers everything I tell him. I'm sure I told him about the appointment on Wednesday and he remembered it. His memory and special skill of I-remember-everything-my-husband-tells-me comes handy a lot of time.

 

“Wake up, Lou,” Harry turns me on my back, slides over me and gently kisses my cheek. His morning breath mixed with his own unique scent brings a smile to my face. I know I'm not far from tasting him as well when his mouth brushes against my lips.

 

“Wake me up, Haz!” I slid down my hands greedily over his bare muscular back, my legs parting further for him to settle down between them. He buries his head in my neck, nuzzling me before kissing the skin there.

 

My heart flutters with joy as his mouth takes mine and he kisses me slowly, deeply. There's nothing in this world that I crave for more than my husband over my naked body, taking his own sweet time to pleasure both of us.

 

His hands reach down and cup my bare butt cheeks, squeezing them and lifting me into the deft roll of his hips. Before I met Harry, I used to wear proper PJs or boxers to bed. But now I just hate wearing a single piece of clothing to bed, just like him. I learned it from Harry actually. It's the best thing ever happened to me. Sleeping naked feels like liberation and not to mention it has its own advantages like if you wake in the middle of the night hungry for your husband, clothes are not an obstruction at that time. Like I said many advantages, it's just one. I run my fingers through his soft curly hairs, already wanting to pull them.

 

“Open your eyes baby,” Harry murmurs in his sexy voice while nibbling at my throat and grinding against my shaft in slow steady motion arousing me further.

 

I open one eye at a time and blinking them a couple of times to adjust to the faint morning light trying to get into the room through the blackout curtains. I gasp as his mouth sucks at one of my nipples. Oh gosh! His devil's work of a mouth is going to take me for a ride, I can feel it. I can also feel him hardening against me. He moves to my other nipple and one of his hand play with my balls. My body arches under his work and I get lost in the feeling I get whenever his mouth touches my bare skin. A moan escapes me as his mouth glides down my navel and to my belly button where he dips his tongue. My fingers slid down his back, following all the groove of his back before slipping my hand over his bare butt and digging my nails into it.

 

His finger starts rimming my hole. Pulling my legs over his shoulder, and sliding down further his tongue licks my hole over and over again. My hands fist in the sheets, chest heaves as he continues to assault me with his tongue and mouth. Raising his head and sealing my mouth with his again, he inserts two fingers inside me. Another cracked moan escapes me. I have become quite flexible since Harry has come into my life but not too flexible.

 

I untangle my legs from his shoulder and slip them around his waist. With his fingers moving, tormenting me with constant in and out, I continue to grind my shaft against his. His other hand reaches in between us and plays with the tip of my penis. I can feel a slight bead of cum on the tip of it already. He looks down at me breathlessly taking out his fingers as I take long deep breaths. I get confused for a second as a smile crosses his face, his dimples get deeper and a hint of mischief clouds his deep green eyes. Before I can think what has happened I feel something cold and wet around my hole. He pats my left butt cheek twice and then inserts a vibrator inside. I gasp loudly and dug my nails into his shoulders to keep from screaming in pleasure. His smile widens as he slides down over my body and gives my penis a long lick from balls to tip all the while looking at me.

 

I close my eyes getting lost in the feeling again. The sound of a click from vibrator reaches me at the same time as Harry takes me into his mouth. He licks and flutters his velvety soft tongue over my sensitive head. My hands fist in the sheets tightly and my head falls back into the pillow deeper. He keeps torturing me with his mouth and continues to drive me insane with his tireless and diabolic tongue. He keeps bringing me to the verge of orgasm and then lets it slide down when I'm close. With a vibrator up my ass and Harry's mouth over my penis, I have an uncontrollable urge to come but I also don't want it to stop as it feels so good. Ultimately I reach a point where I can't stop myself anymore and just need to come.

 

“Please… Harry… let me come..” I beg him shamelessly, desperate to get off.

 

My eyelids feel heavy as he takes an inch of me into his warm mouth. Slowly he takes all of me down his throat and lightly bites my base. I feel hot, warm and thick. His hands rub over my chest before the pads of his fingers start playing with my nipples again. They are sore and painful.

 

But he didn’t let me come immediately, he savored me, his soft hair caressing my stomach, his tongue licking and mouth sucking my cock. I struggle and try to lift my hips to match his pace of his greedy mouth. His hands grip my things and hold me in place. He took his sweet time tasting me, taunting me with the need to come inside his mouth. One of my hand fists in his hair and another rakes his back aggressively. I feel like I’m going mad with all the barrage of sensations that is everywhere in my body. I can’t form a sentence properly anymore, head feels clouded and the only thing that spills out of my mouth is the helpless moans.

 

My body jerked and that's all it took for me come crashing like a wave and a cry that might have broken the tranquility of the peaceful morning. He swallowed every last drop of me and licked my shaft clean.

 

When he took out the vibrator, I took a huge breath of relief and sank deeper into the mattress catching my breath.

 

“I'm still seeing stars,” I mumble. I feel like a jelly right now, very sweaty and by all means very content.

 

Mornings like this!

 

Harry leaned over me to peck my lips, “Morning to you as well.” His voice is slightly broken and hoarse but nonetheless very sexy. He flops down on the pillow next to me. He is taking deep breaths himself and I know Harry isn't done. He is not even close to being done.

 

I smile and curl up with my husband. He smells of sweat, sex, and very Harry-ish.

 

Huffing out a breath I nuzzle the base of his throat and whisper, “Thank you.”

 

“Pleasure is all mine, love.” He says entwining our fingers.

 

I swear I can spend my entire life like this without any guilt. This is my favorite place on this planet, being next to my Harry- my husband. Well, he isn't just my husband, he is also my best-est friend, my confidant, the love of my life, and my soul mate.

 

He wraps his arms around me, encasing me in his warmth even more and kisses my temple.

 

“You need to get up, like right now else you'll be late.” He says, always concerned, always caring about me. “How are you feeling?”

 

“There's still slight sensation in my butt, which I don't mind at all,” I say.

 

Harry fondles with my bum cheeks for a while then turns me on my tummy and kisses penguin tat on my ass. He loves kissing my bum and always makes an excuse that my tattoo needs love too.

 

When I got this tat, I put the picture, not the picture of my bare butt or the tattoo, but the picture of me getting it, on my Instagram. Hence, everyone knows I have one tattoo on my ass. But here's the thing, Harry has one too but he never posted a picture of it in any social media or ever talked about it to anyone and everyone thinks he doesn't have any tattoo on his arse. I mean, we both have got loads of matching tattoos and I don't know why people think Harry doesn't have a penguin tattooed on his arse as well, is beyond my understanding. Penguins mate for life. Apart from that bitch penguin who cheated on its lovely mate for someone else. I felt so bad for him for days. I wanted to adopt the male penguin. Anyways, to clear everything up I have a cool penguin with headphones tattooed on my right bum and Harry has a not-so-cool penguin who is singing, on his left bum. So basically, mine is listening to him singing. That's somewhat sappy, I know.

 

“I hate working on Sundays,” I say. Even though I know I will give up a million pounds just to stay in bed, I have a job to do. It takes me a hell lot of energy to get up and another dose of some cosmic energy to get out of bed. “I hate mornings.” Picking up the glass of water from the bedside I walk towards the curtained glass door of our bedroom that divides it from the terrace. Harry clicks the button on the remote and instantly the curtains open flooding the room with light. I squint my eyes at the sudden intrusion of light.

 

Drinking the entire glass of water I step out onto the terrace and I'm greeted by cool wind. The simple pleasures of life. I stretch and yawn loudly. A few years back, I went to this yoga class and they told us morning air is very beneficial for our body. I can't remember what they said about it helping to regulate body but I do remember them telling us that morning air helps in waking up properly, or something like that. Since then I step out for like 5 seconds every morning.

 

A very cheery whimper comes to me and I turn to cuddle our four-legged furry son, Clifford. He is as needy as me in the morning, needs proper cuddles and love which we both give him generously.

 

“Morning Cliff! You slept properly son,” I wrap him in my arms and kiss his forehead. He is the most playful dog in the whole of the world, always ready to play and chill out. We welcomed him into our lives three years back and on most days he is one of the highlights of our lives.

 

I nuzzle him behind his ears, and that's it. He breaks free from me and jumps into the bed to get love from Harry. I think he gets confused with whom to get more love from. He also thinks Harry is fun dad which is so not true. I take him for walks in the park, give him a bath, buy him pretty collars and clothes. Harry, on the other hand, cleans his poo ( I could never take that duty, I asked Harry to do that), makes his food, gets him honey pops for his cereal. I even take him to the groomers once every week who keeps his fur fluffy and he still finds Harry fun dad.

 

It always amazes me how Cliff is more comfortable in our bed rather than the one I got for him. I paid around 2K for his bed and couch. They are pretty big and fit him properly and they also feel so soft like clouds.

 

Harry is now talking to him about something while caressing him behind his ears and it seems like Cliff is complaining to him about something whilst laying his head on my pillow and one of his paws on Harry's shoulder. I forgot to mention how alike Harry and Cliff look. They both are curly, long-legged, and very clumsy. Cliff is a labradoodle and when he barks everyone in the radius of 5 miles gets startled. He has deep and scary bark. Like I said, very much like Harry.

 

"You won't get up?" I ask Harry. He woke me up but is still on the cover very comfortably.

 

"It's Sunday!" he shouts happily. "And Cliff and I don't have any clients to attend to, so we are going to spend our day in the bed all cozy and warm." He turns his head back to Cliff, "We can watch Netflix all day." Harry high fives him. He taught Cliff high fiving when he was just a few months old.

 

"I hate you," I say loudly. He isn't supposed to make it difficult for me. A sly laugh escapes Harry and he pulls the quilt and covers them in it till their necks.

 

"I hate working on Sunday mornings," I walk back towards the bed fighting the feeling to get inside and put the glass back on the bedside table.

 

"It's alright, Lou. It's work," Harry is really a patient person.

 

"I can't believe some people think it is ok to make personal shoppers work on a Sunday as well especially when they have worked continuously the entire week without a day off. It's like we aren't even humans," I complain. I have all the grounds too. "I won't get any off until next Sunday," I internally whine at the thought.

 

"Lou, baby just go and when you'll come back him, I can make evening worth for you," Harry offers. He knows things are very difficult for me at work right now and most of the time I come back home stressed. "Promise," he adds.

 

I chuckle at this and make way to the bathroom.

 

Harry and I have been married for four years now after dating for five years. Harry brought us a penthouse in Battersea around the same time we got married. The penthouse cost him around 20 million pounds and a couple of millions more for its interior. I danced in joy when he asked me to decorate our bedroom and bathroom.

 

One time Harry's friend, Dan, asked us to visit his winery and farmhouse in France. We did and loved it so much. We made love under the oak tree there and marked it with 'HL' on it. I told Dan how much I loved the oak tree and the expression of confusion on his face was priceless. Before I started looking for the stuff for our bedroom, Dan called me informing me that they have to cut down my favorite oak tree for some reason. I got so excited and asked him to save the wood for me. We got our king size bed made from the wood of that tree with the exclusive intricate wooden carvings on it. All the furniture in our bedroom is handmade with love from France. I spared no money for our bathroom and got Italian brass faucets, a claw foot bathtub, and a Jacuzzi. All the holders and handles of the drawers in there are made of brass and they look so good against all white bathroom, from tiles to wallpaper. It took me three months and trips to various countries to pick out everything for our bedroom, bathroom, and closet.

 

The most favorite part of this entire penthouse is my walk-in closet. Harry asked me what I wanted as a wedding gift and the smile on my face totally gave him the clue that I only wanted a huge, huge walk-in closet. And he gave me one by converting the room next to our bedroom as our closet. The room is pretty big, that it has three seating spaces, two huge cabinets with drawers. The entire closet in very timeless and Victorian with a huge glass chandelier hanging in the middle of the room with small brass candle chandeliers hanging at small intervals. The soft yellow light with cream-colored Italian marble and cream paint makes the room look so exquisite. Two sides of the room hold my clothes only because I own a lot of them. Harry is pretty modest when it comes to clothing and accessories, and doesn't bother much. I generally buy him stuff, he rarely goes out shopping. One side of the room is dedicated to our shoe collection. Harry once spent an entire hour counting them and told me that I, alone, own almost 250 pairs of shoes. Neither of us minds it all.

 

I touch the bunch of pink rose flowers sitting on the top of one of the drawer. Harry gets them delivered every morning and puts them in the vase before I come out of the bath. Not just in the closet, but he puts flowers of various colors every day around the house and I smile like a fool every time I see them. Biting my lips, I walk towards the rack where I put my new clothes and take out few shopping bags from Paul Smith, Givenchy, Rag and Bone. I take out the white shirt from one of the bags and my heart turns in joy looking at it. It's plain white with a heart made of flowers embroidered over the chest. I bought it immediately as I saw it. Teaming my shirt with black jeans and jacket, both new, I walk out towards the dining room.

 

 

"Morning June", I greet our house help. She is actually in her early 50s but doesn't like to be addressed as Mrs. Fulham. She says it makes her feel old, and we definitely don't want to make her feel old. She comes here every morning before we leave, makes us breakfast. Afterwards, she cleans the house, does the dishes and clothes, make us dinner, takes care of Cliff for us, and is gone before we get back home. We don't know how will we manage without her.

 

"Morning, Louis!" she says with her lovely smile. "Breakfast is ready."

 

Harry is already on the table with his plate heaped with food, reading the Sunday special newspaper. June knows that sometimes we don't have time to get proper lunch, so she makes us a hearty breakfast to make up for it. She passes me my plate with two egg muffins and two pieces of hash browns, and a glass of warm almond milk.

 

Harry shakes his head reading something. I lean forward to read the news. It is a sports man’s girlfriend breaking up with him. I like football and Harry loves it. He never misses a single game and keeps with everything. His favorite team is Liverpool and mine’s Manchester. It’s always a chaos in our house whenever both the teams play against each other.

 

“She shouldn’t have broken up with him,” he remarks putting away the newspaper.

 

“Why?” I can’t figure out why he is sorry over their breakup. Celebrity relationships are anyways fake half the time.

 

“‘Cos he is a goalie,” he says seriously.

 

“So?” I’m still confused.

 

“So… he is a keeper!”

 

For a couple of seconds, I look blankly at him trying to find words. I hear June laughing at his joke.

 

“You just didn’t-” I can’t believe him.

 

His just sits there laughing. I’m still trying to figure out how to shut him up. But that’s Harry, always being fun, always joking and annoying me with his super bad puns.

 

“What are you going to do all day?”

 

Harry runs a tech company which creates apps, games, and softwares. He has won several awards for the same. There is never a day when I’m not proud of him and his achievements. He loves what he does and I love that I have a husband who isn't technically challenged as me. Throughout the week, Harry barely has time but it's the weekend he likes to keep free, especially Sundays.

 

The more I think about working on Sunday, more I get upset. I was supposed to spend one day with him entirely.

 

The remorseful look on my face might have given him what I'm thinking. He leans to kiss my cheeks, "I'll be in my office for few hours finishing up some pending work, I guess." Harry’s favorite part of the house is his home office and library. He spends a lot of time there and whenever I come back home late I know it's where I’ll find him.

 

I nod my agreement. At least he won't be bored without me here, which is very consoling. I grab my breakfast quickly before I pick my stuff from the counter, like my phone, car keys and a mug of hot tea before I leave.

 

Harry comes to stand in front of me and I kiss him goodbye. "See you for dinner."

 

Cliff comes and stands in front of me wagging his tail. "Please trouble your daddy, son". I hear Harry snorting behind me as I kiss Cliff goodbye too. I don't have time for a snappy comeback, I'm actually getting late now.

 

"John will take you," Harry says.

 

John is Harry's second driver. I still don't know why he has two of them. I call John, patient John, as there have been times when I have dragged John along with me for my shopping sprees and he has ended up holding around 10 to 20 shopping bags at once. The other one, Patrick, gets grumpy if I take him shopping with me. Harry keeps Patrick to himself.

 

"Mr. Tomlinson… wait," I hear someone calling my name as I reach the reception area of our building. I turn to look around and oh gosh it’s Mary Colbert again. She is wearing pink jogger pants that Adidas launched two years back and holding her ugly cat in her arms. Ugh!

 

"Your dog was troubling my cat yesterday. How about putting him on a leash at all times," she says in her shrill voice. I don't like her at all.

 

"Cliff doesn't trouble your cat at all. Instead, it's your cat who keeps messing with him." I can never hear anyone coming after Cliff like this. And she always tries to make Cliff look bad.

 

"No... You need to hear what your dog-" she says but I cut her mid-sentence.

 

"No! you need to stop thinking that your cat is innocent," I say. Seriously, all cat owners should stop thinking their cats are innocent. "Remember last month your cat broke those lamps and everyone blamed my Cliff when he didn't do anything!" We paid hell lot for those lamps. If Harry hadn’t stopped me, I would have slapped the bill on her face.

 

"How about you stop thinking that he is innocent," she says.

 

"We haven't trained him to be a mess. He is a responsible dog. Anyways, your cat should look at her size before she goes to hassle my dog again," I reply her and make my way towards the entrance doors. This is the last thing I want to deal with this morning.

 

*

 

“Darling, you are so efficient. You always pick the best for me,” Mrs. Logan keeps talking. She hasn’t stopped in ten minutes. She is the client for whom I had to work today. “These flare pants fit me so well and will go so nicely for my lunch with friends on Tuesday.”

 

I really don’t care what she is going to use those pants for. Last week, she emailed me saying she needs a dress for some evening function and that I need to find her the best one for the same. She also told me that it will be with some associates and she has to look her best. I picked out 15 of the best dresses, keeping her specification in my mind. And she came in today informing me that she is going to some island to meet her old friends and her plan for the dinner was canceled on Friday. I mean, she could have bothered to tell me this beforehand, I wouldn’t have spent hours in selecting looks for her including shoes and handbags. But no, she came here and gave me the news and I had to do it all over again. She has been here for four hours and she brought only those pants and a handbag. That’s it! I’m tired and exasperated thinking about all the clothes, shoes and accessories I’ll have to put back on the rack. This itself will take few more hours.

 

Of all ten clients that I have, she is my only female client and undoubtedly she is my favorite. She is cheery and polite, and never forgets to email me back about the compliments she gets over the outfit I choose for her. Even in her late fifties, she wears all her clothes which so much confidence that I can only admire. But there are also days like this when she drives me crazy.

 

“I hope you have a lovely time with your friends,” I wish her with a smile on my face as Ted from the billing counter hands her the shopping bag.

 

“Thank you for shopping at Harrods, ma’am,” Ted says.

 

I let out a huge sigh as soon as she walks out from the door. I close my eyes for few seconds and take deep breaths trying to calm myself down before I go back and arrange all the clothes back neatly.

 

“Want some water, Lou?” he asks.

 

“Nope, thanks for asking, Ted,” I say walking away.

 

Anyone who thinks that people in customer service or basically anyone who is doing the job for you, owes you something, are the most ignorant people. I have seen people calling the customer care service and blasting at them or calling them names even though they haven’t done anything. I mean, they are there to help you why can’t you be little polite with them. Can people start looking at other people like they are also humans and maybe like you, they are also doing their job. It’s not at all difficult to understand or follow. Ugh! I think I’m still grumpy over the work and Mrs. Logan’s carelessness. And I’m also hungry. Hunger makes me moody. I should probably go out and get a sandwich or something.

 

“LOUUEEEEEHHH!!” A loud screech snaps my attention from hanging the dress back to the rail.

 

I turn back and find my two best friends walking towards me, Zayn and Niall. Earlier today they asked me if I would be free for lunch but I told them I had work. They might just be here to say hi. They are darlings. Every time they are in the area, they pop in to say hi and buy something.

 

“Help me!” Zayn says hurriedly. His hair is a mess like they are always. He is too lazy to style them properly. Niall is walking languidly taking his time glancing at the collection on his way.

 

“Whoa, Z. Wanna tell me what happened?” I can’t figure out where exactly he would need my help. I’m not sure if I can offer him a good advice as well, not when I don’t feel very optimistic myself.

 

“I have to do a pap walk tomorrow and my stylist is on a holiday. Find me something nice to wear,” he says. Zayn is a rockstar who has won many, many awards for his singing and lyrics. His voice is very soothing. More than his look, it’s his voice that makes people swoon over him. He is good looking as well with his amber colored eyes in perfect almond shape. I like listening to his songs. They are very deep and soulful, just like he is.

 

“Why! Wasn’t your pap walk pre-planned?” I ask. I mean he is an artist and has an entire team working behind him. Surely they might have put the pap walk for tomorrow in his calendar sometime back.

 

“No, it’s last minute decision,” he rolls his eyes. He hates when he is asked to do something last minute or without any prior notice.

 

“I like that scarf.” Niall walks towards us, casually sipping his iced tea and pointing at the one wrapped around a mannequin. It is a lovely scarf indeed. Black in color and made with silk sourced from the Middle East, and delicate handiwork did with gold thread. I bought one in navy blue color for Harry as well.

 

“They are in three colors if you want to look at it,” I tell him. He nods still eyeing the scarf.

 

“Shall we!” Zayn asks impatiently.

 

“First of all, I’m hungry! Second of all, I need to eat something before I go and look for outfits for you.” I inform him.

 

Zayn snatches the box Niall has been holding, “We brought you chicken salad.” He smiles. “Let’s go now.”

 

I roll my eyes and follow them to the restaurant where they help themselves with some cakes and tea while I devour my chicken salad. It’s from my our favorite cafe not too far from Harrods.

 

Zayn was discovered by Niall and they have been besties together since then. On most days, Zayn credits Niall for the life he has now and on some days he gives himself the credit for the life Niall has now. Niall was struggling to find a breakthrough artist when he came across Zayn. Since then Niall has given world too many amazing and talented artist, and he gets a good fat cheque from the music labels every time he discovers an artist. People in music industry love him and trust his decisions. His business decisions are pretty clever and no wonder Niall is Zayn’s first point of contact whenever he needs to make a decision for his career.

 

 

“Try this one,” I hand Zayn another rugged denim jacket. In three hours, Zayn has managed to find himself jeans, a t-shirt, shoes and a snapback. What he cannot find is a perfect jacket. He isn’t too satisfied with the others as well but he doesn't have much time or option anymore today.

 

“Why don’t designers make cool clothes!” This is the third time he is complaining about it.

 

“Define cool clothes, Z!” I ask him fixing the collar of the jacket. I step back to have a look at it. It looks good but it doesn’t fit Zayn’s style, actually.

 

“Where are you pap walking tomorrow?” Niall says looking up from his iPad. He joined us fifteen minutes back after he went to find a handbag for his mom for her birthday.

 

“Grocery shopping.” Zayn fakes his enthusiasm. I couldn’t help but snort at that.

 

He generally does pap walk doing some grocery shopping or apartment shopping and people think Zayn is such a thoughtful person who knows his way around the kitchen and is very interested in real estate. But the truth is he doesn’t give two fucks about real estate and he can’t even cook to save his life. One time Zayn invited us for dinner at his place and prepared everything by himself. And honestly, it was so bad I thought I was gonna die. I had to take a promise from him afterward that he won’t ever try to kill me with his food. Since then Zayn has stayed away from the kitchen. We ordered food that evening and watched a movie. I always find it funny that his fans admire him for shopping fruits and veggies. Like he doesn't have a housekeeper who does all these tasks or he doesn't know how to order grocery on the internet. People are naive in general.

 

“Yeah! I know. So excited for it.” His lips form into hard line. He really doesn’t like it at all but his team makes him do it every few days or so.

 

I pick up leather jacket from the rails and hand it over to him. I hope this will work. This is from the new Gucci collection and if in doubt wear a suede leather jacket. It’s the mantra that I live by for the days when I don’t know what to wear.

 

“Why can’t you pick up something from your collection of jackets? You own quite a few of them,” Niall says.

 

“I try not to repeat my clothes for pap walk,” Zayn says fixing the sleeves of the jacket. I think he has found himself a decent jacket. It goes with his outfit.

 

“Who even wears any clothe twice!” I say.

 

“Yeah, Lou! You wardrobe collection is something,” Niall remarks.

 

“Perks of working in fashion industry my friend,” I say proudly. There’s never a dull moment for me when I’m shopping.

 

“I like this jacket!” Both Zayn and Niall say in unison.

 

I breathe out a sigh of relief and flop on the couch next to Niall. It was a long day and I’m happy it is almost over. I can’t wait to go home back to my husband. I turn my head towards Niall who is looking at me intently. I raise my eyebrow at him.

 

“You look tired, Lou. Working too much!” Niall asks.

 

“Just a job, dude.” I lean my head onto Niall. He has very comfy shoulders to lean head into. He wraps his arms around my neck making me even more comfortable. He smells nice and is so cuddly, I love him. He gently pats the back of my head.

 

“Sleep,” he says. Only Niall would ask me to take a nap or sleep while I’m at work. I can assure you no one will come after me for doing it as well since Niall will have my back.

 

For the first time in this mad day, I feel at peace. Being with your best friends always makes you calm and saner, doesn’t it? After your partner, it’s your best friend who knows what will calm you. I can bet Niall will ask me if I want some chamomile tea as well.

 

“Lou!” Zayn’s voice jolted me upright. Two seconds of peace I had…

 

“What!” I hiss at him. He is always a buzz kill. He really can’t see me relaxing. His motto of life is _‘If I’m not relaxing even Lou shouldn’t’._

 

He squeezes himself next to me on the couch. There isn’t much space but we both adjust to make room enough for him. Propping his socked feet on the table, he hands me a glass of water. We all have been best friends for a long time now and it’s not even a question that we will die for each other without thinking twice about it. There’s also a fact that we will kill each other over a slice of pizza. Hence, we always order way too much pizza so there’s never the last slice in between us.

 

“Thanks for helping me,” he gently pats my thighs. “I would have worn a ragbag if you wouldn’t have helped me out.”

 

I chuckle, “And you still would have rocked it.”

 

He nods his head, “I’m cool like that!”

 

Niall and I burst out laughing at that. He is the least cool person I know but he has the confidence to call himself cool.

 

“Should I give you a rundown of all the least cool things you have done?” Niall challenges him.

 

He slumps down on the couch. He knows we will have a good time opening the box of his most uncool moments. As much as Zayn likes to pretend he is too cool we all know he is a hot mess.

 

“Back to the topic of why designers don’t make cool clothes?” he says. He won’t really let that topic die. Suddenly an idea pop into my head.

 

“Why don’t you collab with a designer, Zayn, and start your own line?” I advise him. “Lots of celebrities do that. It raises their profile from just an artist to business person as well.”

 

Zayn looks at me, his brows drawn in concentration. “That’s a good idea, Lou! I’ll talk to my manager about this.” The sudden glow on his face makes me smile.

 

It can only imagine all the opportunities Zayn will have with the collection. His fan following is pretty massive and his fans would love to own a piece that Zayn created. I can’t see why his manager will not agree to it. Zayn has been trying to set up a statement with his fashion sense for a while now but it doesn’t seem like it is making enough impact. His own line will probably do. With his background and being half Asian and half Britisher, there’s so much he can do. Zayn is a very creative person and there’s no doubt he won’t hold back starting a line which will be impactful.

 

*

 

The sounds of television give me the idea that Harry must be in the living room. The entire house is lite with soft yellow light and I can see my reflection on the marble as I walk towards Harry. He looks up at me from the couch with a soft smile. My breath catches in my throat looking at him. He looks so relaxed in his silk pajamas and a soft white t-shirt. His long legs are propped on the table in front and he puts aside his laptop on the table next to him.

 

“Babe!” I lay down with my head on his lap. I instantly find peace. His fingers gently caressing my hairs and another hand wraps me around my chest. I close my eyes to get lost in the feeling. No one makes me happier and comfortable like Harry does. I love him so much.

 

“Tired?” Harry asks softly. He bends down to gently kiss my forehead.

 

“Tired and exhausted,” I say. It was one heck of a day. This isn’t the first time I’m coming home like this. Lately, I have been coming home late and exhausted and the only thing I’m able to do afterward is curling myself next to Harry and falling asleep. I have been skipping dinners as well. After a long tiring day, I don’t have any appetite for food or even any patience left to sit and eat. Last week, Harry was concerned about the considerable amount of weight that I have lost. I don’t gain weight quickly but I lose it quickly and it always bothers Harry if I lose some. The only proper meal I have been having lately is breakfast.

 

Harry links his fingers with mine. Something cold touches my cheek and a second later a very wet tongue. I giggle at the feeling.

 

“Hi Cliff,” I open my eyes to look at him. Dogs have the sense to find out the mood of their owners. I didn’t believe that until Cliff entered our lives. He always tries to uplift our mood if either one of us had a bad day. I caress his neck softly with my fingers.

 

I find Harry fonding at both of us, “How was your day?” I ask Harry.

 

“Not too good, not too bad,” he replies still massaging my head. “Dinner’s ready.”

 

Now I’m really confused whether I should have a shower or just hug my bed right now. I can sleep in the shower but I’m bloody hungry as well. I know Harry won’t let me go to bed without a proper dinner. But I feel so tired. All my limbs and muscles are aching.

 

“I’ll get a shower first,” I tell him. Hopefully, the warm water will wash away my tiredness.

 

“I have the bath ready for you with the de-stressing oil you brought from Thailand,” he says. I got loads of oils and bathing salt from our holiday in Thailand a few months back. I just don’t remember to use them. Thankfully, Harry thought of using them. I’m sure the box was still sitting in one of the drawer unopened. God bless my husband!

 

*

 

City lights look so pretty from our terrace. Right now wrapped around Harry under the warmth of a blanket and a clear sky over our head, I feel so relaxed than I have in months. After dinner, Harry took me out here to lay and I’m so happy he did. With his fingers gently caressing my hairs, my head over his heart so I can listen to his heartbeats, everything looks beautiful. There’s some soothing piano music playing through the speakers in low volume.

 

“Harry!” I say quietly. The hum of his acknowledgment reverberates through my body. “I wanna quit my job,” I say dead seriously and look up at him. This thought has been going inside my head for a while now.

 

He slowly opens his eyes to look at me carefully.

 

“I don’t want to shop for other people anymore. I want to do something else. Something new.” I say. I can feel my entire body tense up again as I speak. But I have to put it out there, I can’t keep it inside my head anymore.

 

He gently touches my cheeks, “It’s alright, Lou. If you don’t feel like doing what you are doing right now, then go ahead and change it.”

 

“My heart isn’t in it anymore,” I say.

 

“It’s understandable. Doing just one thing your entire life gets monotonous. And you have so much caliber and talent. You have quite an experience in this field. I’m sure any fashion house or media outlet will be happy to have you.” The way he says makes me emotional. He is always so supportive, always my rock.

 

“But before I take up another job, I want to take some time off for myself and figure out what I want to do exactly,” I tell him. He is right I have quite good experience and have made contacts in these years. I’m not sure about any media outlet being eager to recruit me but at least I can try my luck. In past, I’ve had few offers from celebrities including Zayn, to be their stylist but at that time I wasn’t ready. I’m not sure if I’m ready to take that kind of opportunity right now but first I need to clear my head. And some time off will only do me good.

 

Harry smiles at me, “Whatever you want, love. I hope to feed you five times a day during your break to get back the weight you have lost.”

 

I chuckle, “I’ll get fat!”

 

“It’s not about being fat or skinny. It’s about being healthy,” he says softly. And yet again, he has a point.

 

“I love you,” I say.

 

“And I love you the most,” he kisses me lovingly.

 

I lean my head back into his chest and feel the rhythm of his heartbeat while breathing in his scent.

 

*

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

I haven’t been able to take my eyes off Niall’s new pet fish. Last month, Niall and I had to attend the opening of this new aquarium and we saw these beautiful guppies. We fell in love with them immediately. The owner of the aquarium, Lane, told us that they breed like crazy and have a strong desire for sex. Niall brought them immediately, even though he has no fucking clue of how to take care of them. He simply said someone in the household should have a good sex life. Lane gave him a handy manual of how to take care of them. He only understood that they can go a week without food. Niall is a cleanliness freak, he suffers from OCD, hence, none of us have to remind him of changing the water regularly. He does that every two days or so. Lane also sent him a small cartoon filled with bottles of fish food. It’s safe to say his fish are going to stay alive for some time.

 

“Niall, will you give me some of your guppy babies?” Zayn asks him, as he hands me a bottle of Stella Artois.

 

“Don’t distract me,” Niall answers very seriously, his eyes glued to the TV screen just like Harry’s. They both are playing the game Harry’s company has designed and is set to launch in three months. In proper geek terms, they are testing the game and finding bugs. In layman’s term, they are playing the game before everyone else.

 

Harry always asks either Niall or Zayn to help him in testing the games. He once asked me to give the honest review of one of the games, that needed few hours after you’ve run out of the lives. It had an option where the player could use actual money and continue playing. I spent around 5K on the lives and extra powers of the game. Harry never asked me to review any again. In my defense, Harry asked me to be honest, and honestly, that game is addicting.

 

Watching Harry and Niall doing game testing, I feel so envious of all the people who have actual jobs to test a game. I mean, who wouldn’t want to get paid to play video games all day and find its faults? It’s like a childhood dream come true.

 

“I’m sorry I’m late,” a voice calls from the door. Zayn and I turn towards the door and Zayn lets out an exasperated sigh. Liam enters the room with a bottle of wine in his hand, a smile on his face and his hairs falling over his face. He tries, he really tries to keep his hairs in place but they always have some or the other plan to misbehave.

 

“You are always late,” Zayn complains. Which is very true. Last time when Liam was on time- wait, there’s no last time, ‘cos as far as I remember he is always late. He is also late on his dates with Zayn. Oh yeah, last time Liam was on time was when both Zayn and Liam met each other for their first date, which was eight years back.

 

Both Niall and Harry greet Liam without even looking at him, they are so into the game.

 

“Chill out! I went back home to grab us the bottle of vintage red wine,” Liam holds up the bottle proudly. “Made in France, 1989.”

 

Harry’s head suddenly snaps at Liam’s direction, “Someone said red wine.” Harry gets too euphoric at the words ‘red wine’. You can any day summon him by saying ‘banana’, ‘red wine’, or ‘Louis is naked’, he’ll be there even if he is halfway across the world. Tried and tested, works every time.

 

“Yes! I did. I got it from mine and Zayn’s trip from Saint Tropez,” he says happily. Both Zayn and Liam have a huge classic wine cellar which holds around 700 wine bottles.

 

“Pour me some, darling,” Niall says finally looking up at him, pausing the game.

 

Liam walks towards the mini bar to fetch wine glasses while I continue to adore these colorful creatures.

 

“Niall! Tell me will you give me some of the guppy babies?” Zayn never really let's go off anything until he has found his answer. You would have thought he was a good student in school, you thought. He is a high school dropout.

 

“Zayn, your cat will eat them,” Harry says. Zayn and Liam have a whole zoo at home with - a Saint Bernard, Clancy; a tabby cat, Dora, she is very snoopy but Liam likes to think that she is explorer; and a monkey, Seb. Harry is right, Dora might just eat them for her breakfast.

 

“You all need to stop coming at Dora. What has she ever done?” No one is allowed to say anything about Dora in front of Liam. Zayn at least knows what their cat is like but Liam just turns a blind eye.

 

“We’ll get a big closed aquarium for them,” Liam continues. “What is there for dinner, Niall? I’m hungry.”

 

“I have sent my driver to get us pan-seared Foie Gras, Baeckeoffe, and Pissaladiere from Albert’s. If there’s anything else you want lemme know. I’ll ask him it get it as well,” Niall informs us and resumes back to the game with Harry. It’s always easy to order food when we all meet up. It’s either Chinese, French, or pizza.

 

“What! No dessert?” I’m appalled.

 

“There’s ice cream in the freezer and an apple pie in the oven, fyi,” Niall says.

 

Liam passes them their glass of wine. Harry and Niall don’t even look up at him while they take their glasses and keep their eyes hooked on the screen.

 

“Guys! We are here for dinner, not video games,” Zayn says. Harry raises his index finger asking for a minute and Niall only nods. I look at Liam who is intently looking at both of them. I have a feeling he is going to annoy the shit out of them both.

 

Liam moves towards the TV and in one swift motion unplugs it. Both Zayn and I laugh maniacally listening to Niall and Harry groan in horror.

 

“That was level 5, you idiot!” Harry says still flabbergasted by Liam’s move. Niall is looking at Liam with his mouth open.

 

“Shut up! And get your asses to the common room,” Liam says.

 

The food is so good. Either we go to Albert’s when we need our fix for French food or just order from there. It's generally very crowded there on Saturdays, hence, Niall ordered from there. Also, we just wanted to sit around and talk out of our asses. Nothing beats when we sit around in a circle, eat and talk. It has been a while since all of us met. Initially, we all use to meet up at least once a week, but that was long back. As we grew in our careers and lives, we just can’t seem to find enough time to give to each other. It’s not that we don’t like to, it’s just that we all have some or the other arrangement and we all understand each other’s position very well. We have seen each other grow up.

 

“Guys! I have a news,” Zayn’s voice snaps me from my thoughts. He has a smile on his face and a dab of sauce on the side of his mouth. “I’m collaborating with Versace!”

 

All of us just forgot to breathe for a second and then continued with applause, cheers, and claps. Zayn smiles ear to ear from our support while Liam looks at him proudly.

 

“That’s amazing! When did you decide to collab with them?” Harry asks curiously.

 

Zayn looks at me, “It was actually Lou’s idea. He gave it to me when I met him on Sunday.” My heart flutter as he speaks. “I told my team about it and they agreed to it. Turns out Versace was as eager to collab with me too. I’m just euphoric right now.” I can literally feel Zayn’s happiness right now.

 

“Awww… Congratulations!” Harry says.

 

“Yay... Free clothes,” Niall says happily.

 

We all turn to look at him, Zayn dead serious and Liam kinda confused.

 

“What do you mean free clothes? Who is giving you free clothes?” Liam asks.

 

“Oh come on! Zayn can give us some of the clothes he will design, for free. Won’t you Zayn!” Niall says expectantly. I don’t know why but I start laughing at it.

 

“No! You are not getting any free stuff. You will be paying double for them,” Zayn says, mocking him in return.

 

“You owe me your career, Zayn! You can give me free clothes,” Niall says taking a bite of his Foie Gras. Harry refills both of us some red wine. Wine is so good, I think I will take the bottle with me before going home.

 

“No Niall! I owe you your career,” Zayn reminds him. It’s always amusing to see how they keep bantering each other about their careers.

 

“Whatever lucky star crossed our fate that night, we owe it all to that,” Liam raises his glass to that.

 

That’s true. Every single word of it. Some lucky star might have blessed us and we crossed each other’s lives. It was nine years back, a week before Halloween, we were all in a cheap pub in East London and unaware of each other’s existence. I was there with my friends from uni celebrating one of my friend’s birthday. Zayn performed there every night. He was struggling to be a singer and get noticed for three years already without any luck. Liam and Harry were there with some of their friends celebrating the 10k downloads of their social media app that they launched a week back as a uni project. Niall, well Niall was there getting drunk. He was a headhunter who hasn’t been able to give a single breakthrough artist for two years, his job was on the line. After Zayn performed Niall found his artist and approached him to come to meet him in his office later that week. Liam congratulated him for his performance and sparks flew between them. Harry and I met in the toilet and by the time we left the toilet we had each other’s number. All five of us had few shots at the bar together and left the pub, unaware of how our lives were going to change forever.

 

Harry and I started dating after two months, which was just before my birthday. A few months later, Zayn was launched by a big label and his first single broke the chart records. Niall and Zayn put every single drop of their blood and sweat in his album and launch. Liam and Zayn started dating a couple of months later. A year later, Harry and Liam’s app was bought by a huge company for a billion dollars. They both split it between them equally. Since then Liam works as an independent technical advisor. He works with different companies and helps them mastermind the apps and software. He also grooms four students in the technical area every year and the companies line up for them. He also gets a fat payment for his endeavors. He lives a chilled-out life, which I guess is necessary to balance Zayn’s mad life. Harry, on the other hand, started his own company. None of us ever looked back ever again, but never quite believe that that fateful night really happened. Liam once told me that Harry wasn’t in any mood to come over and they almost went to another pub. I always shudder thinking about what would have happened if Harry didn’t really join them or if they went to another club. I would have never met Harry! The thought itself makes me anxious. Niall also told us that he was about to leave before Zayn’s performance but the thought of going to his empty apartment made him stay. Zayn had a fever that day and he almost bailed on the performance, but his manager told him he won’t get any pay for a week if he didn’t get on the stage and hence he performed. Sometimes things just happen for a reason. And it all happened so we could meet and be a part of each other’s lives.

 

*

 

I am distantly aware of my surroundings and the hopeless noises that keep coming out from my throat. The only thing I’m aware of is the cool air touching my sweaty skin, Harry’s cock rubbing inside me, my hands slipping over his sweaty hard chest. His low grunts keep pushing me over the edge. I could feel my climax building higher and higher, waiting to burst out in full force.

 

“I’m going to come so hard,” I say with my broken voice.

 

Harry adjusted himself on the lounger which made his cock penetrate even deeper and hit the prostate. A gasp leaves me and I hold onto Harry even tighter. There are stars above our heads right now, and I’m close to seeing stars in front of my eyes.

 

“Hold on! Don’t come now,” Harry says hoarsely.

 

He kept pushing deeper into me and my hole clenched around him. I sag against him and loop my arms around his neck. His deft fingers assaulting my nipples till they were hard and swollen. I match my pace to meet his.

 

“Don’t stop!” Words slip out of my mouth before I could process anything else. This feels so good, so heavenly. The second we stepped inside the house, I lunged onto Harry and we were practically naked by the time we reached our room. Harry dragged me to the terrace, he needed fresh air. We were way too drunk.

 

Grabbing my hair and pulling it painfully, he nibbles my jawline. He makes his way to my throat and I can feel him leaving marks of his presence in there. In that moment, my dazed eyes look for something else to shift my focus to something else, I’m so close. Every thrust took him deep inside me, hitting the sweet spot over and over again driving me closer to the edge.

 

Few more thrusts and Harry climaxed with a loud wail of pleasure. I sink my teeth into his shoulder already feeling a drop or two spilling out of me. Harry throws his head back, closes his eyes and groans loudly. He spurts hot semen inside me for a long time until the insides of my thigh are slicked.

 

He raised his head to look at me, his breath ragged, eyes glossy. Taking my face in his hands he kisses me deeply.

 

After few seconds, he slips his hand over my butt. I could feel him going soft inside me. He ran the pads of his thumb over the area where my hole and the base of his penis met. The area was wet his hot cum and the movements of his fingers driving me crazy. His head bends down to take my left nipple between his teeth. The cry that leaves me makes him hard again. He continues to assault my nipples either with his tongue or his teeth.

 

My climax keeps building up inside me and I am getting frustrated with Harry not letting me come. It’s his favorite thing to do, first, bring me to edge and then let it slip away. But every time I come afterward it is the purest form of pleasure. Harry cares so much about my pleasure that before I come he makes sure that every nerve of my body was begging for it. I just love to surrender myself to him, he knows my body better than me and I know he always makes the wait worth it.

 

Cupping my butts properly, he picks me up and carries me inside to the room. His cock still hard and inside me and I already feel boneless. Every step he takes hits my prostate. I can’t stop moaning at the feeling. He carefully lays me down on the chaise lounge.

 

“You get me so hard. And I’m so deep into you… feel it, Lou,” Harry looks at me straight into the eyes, his eyes clouded with raw lust. His big ferocious dick starts pounding inside me harder. I make a small helpless cry and his mouth brushes over mine. My legs wrap his around his back. I feel breathless as I match my rhythm to his. His body is like a machine, never getting tired.

 

Our warm damp bodies gliding against each other, chest heaving for air. A climax built up inside me as a tornado, I could feel every single inch of my body on fire. I pressed my mouth into a hard line, everything inside me tightened and clenched.

 

“Come, Lou,” he says and hits the spot once again.

 

I climaxed in a rush with a loud cry, sobbing his name as tears fall from the corner of my eyes. A jet of my hot sticky cum splutters in between us. I can feel my hot and heavy cock against my torso.

 

“Baby!” he holds my shivering body tightly, kissing me all over my face and neck.

 

I don’t know how long we lay there, tangled with each other, breaths mingling, lips sliding down each other’s shoulder and neck to soothe and calm. I can’t even feel my legs right now but I can still feel him inside me.  

 

“I love you so much baby,” he says.

 

I smile and hug him tightly burying my nose in his neck. I don't’ think I have any energy left to form a proper sentence right now. Everything's hazy right now, I just wanna be wrapped around him, love him and be loved by him.

 

He raises his head from my neck and tugs my bottom lip with his teeth before taking my mouth again.

 

“Hungry?” he asks in a throaty voice.

 

I slowly open my eyes to look at him while breathing in through my mouth. I nod at him slightly playing with the baby curls at the back of his head. He sits back on his heels as I throw one of my legs over the backrest of the chaise lounge and another touching the floor. The sudden absence of Harry’s body weight make me feel empty, like a part of me just left. A moan escapes me as he slowly tries to slip out of me. He is still semi-hard.

 

I dug fingers into his butt, holding him in place. “Stay!” It feels so good to have him inside me. To put emphasis on my words I slowly move my hips in slow circles.

 

Harry’s eyes move towards my nipples. Rolling them between his index finger and thumb, I can tell he is enjoying watching me writhe in pain and pleasure. My nipples are extra sensitive and Harry enjoys them while watching me squirm. He licks his lips before bending down to wrap his soft lips around my tightened nipple and sucking gently. I gasp as the deep pulls echoes in me. He moves to another nipple, fluttering his tongue over and over again at the aching tip. I pull his hairs tightly as I continue to moan at the assault of his mouth. He keeps switching between my nipple, pulling them, sucking them, biting them. I can feel him tighten again inside me.

 

He raises his head, takes few deep breaths and sits back on his hips again. “But you are tired.”

 

Yes, I am and I want Harry to wear me out and fuck me senseless. He knows I have been too stressed and I need some rest, but I can’t just give two fucks about it. He always cares too much about my well being. Sometimes it just isn’t required.

 

“Aren’t you?” If I’m tired, he should be too. He works more than me.

 

“I can go all night,” he says in his raw raspy voice.

 

“Then let’s go all night! Neither one of us have to be anywhere tomorrow,” I just want him, no matter what. He can keep his chivalry aside sometimes, it’s not going to hurt anyone.

 

I can see him thinking and weigh his move. For fuck's sake, I’m not made of glass. But I know how to convince him. I move my hips in slow motions exactly the way he likes. I can see his eyes darken as I moan. I increase the speed of my movements and my back arches at the pleasure. Closing my eyes, I throw my head back, giving him the full view of my body in front of him. He can never deny me like this.

 

Harry takes my mouth and starts kissing me softly. The coaxing licks of our tongues and lips stir me again. I slip my hands around his neck and arch my body to have him deeper. I can feel him hardening and lengthen inside me. He hums softly and holds my hips to slow down the pace. He breaks our kiss and nibbles my jawline. A frustrated whimper escapes me as he holds back from going deeper. He takes my mouth again and licks my lips, stroke lining of my cheeks and the roof of my mouth. My legs tighten around him and he starts rocking his hips.

 

“Fuck, Lou!” he says and his lips start drifting on my across my throat.

 

“Fuck me, Haz!” I command him. And he does.

 

*

 

I slip further inside the cool soft silk cover. Harry and I finished each other few minutes back and Harry left to get us something to eat. After Harry came out cleaning himself and went to the kitchen, I reluctantly went inside to clean myself as well. I would have rather stayed sprawled in the lounge but I was missing the comfort of my bed.

 

I get too hungry every time after we have sex. It wasn’t like this before I met Harry. I mean, I still used to get hungry after sex but not like this, not this famished. The first few times we had sex, I tried to hold onto my hunger and sleep on it but it wasn’t possible. I would slip out of bed, after he would fall asleep, to find something to eat in the kitchen. I didn’t quite like the idea of revealing the needs of my stomach after sex to Harry. I thought he would find it weird and I didn’t want him to find anything unusual about me when we just started off. I wanted him to think I was a perfect person. One day- one night I should say, Harry found me hogging on cup noodles at 3 at night after we had a sex marathon at his place. He thought I left and was slightly teary at the thought. Finding me in the kitchen relieved him. I turned scarlet when he pulled a chair to sit in front of me. I told him that night about my intense hunger and he was upset that I didn’t tell him about it earlier and that he didn’t have proper food at his apartment. We shared that cup noodles that night. Since then he makes sure to get me a proper food as our own after-sex ritual. Our freezer is always stocked with frozen food and stuff that can go straight into the oven and come out nice and hearty. I think over the years even Harry has developed an appetite for food after sex or maybe it has just become his habit. He devours food like me and it’s generally greasy and hot food.

 

“Babe!’ Harry whispers into my ear. His clean minty smell fills around me and his soft curls tickle my ear.

 

I get up and prop the pillows while Harry fetches us our bed table. Our room is softly illuminated with yellow light from the crystal chandelier above our bed. My eyes fall on the bedside table and suddenly my stomach growls aggressively looking at two plates- one heaped with cheese balls and other with french fries. There’s a bowl of schezwan sauce, two forks, and two paper towels on the tray. Bless him for getting forks. He knows I would be a way to lazy to wash hands after eating.

 

“I know!”, Harry chuckles at the sound. He adjusts the table in front of me and gets into bed and I adjust myself in between his legs sideways so I can see him. His arms snake around my waist, holding me in place and making me feel extremely comfortable and loved.

 

“How are you feeling?” He asks like he does every time after sex.

 

“Elated and satisfied!” I say bunny kissing him. I do feel satisfied but do I feel done with my husband or not want to jump into his bones again? Nope.

 

“Whoever made cheese balls deserve a special place in heaven,” I say chewing down the third one. They are still hot and it won’t stop me from not gobbling them all.

 

“I hope they have a special bed made of clouds,” Harry holds five french fries on the fork and dips them in the sauce. He always takes it a challenge to holds as much food on his fork as possible. It’s like some achievement for him and I don’t understand why! We still go to Mcdonald's to see who can eat more fries in a minute. Neither one of us is polite when it comes to food.

 

I stick up two fries and a cheese ball on the fork and dip them in the sauce. Marriage is bizarre,  you start picking weird habits of your spouse without realizing it. Honestly. “Harry!”

 

He hums in acknowledgment before bending down a hogging on the stuff on my fork. What the hell!. But I need to discuss something important.

 

“Are you okay with me quitting my job?” I hesitate to ask him. His brows draw in confusion. “I never asked you or discussed it with you and one day I just came home and told you about it. I should’ve discussed it with you.”

 

“Why?” he still looks confused. “Lou! You never have to ask me about your career plans. You know what is best for you, not me.”

 

“But I shouldn’t have just dumped my decision on you-”.

 

Harry cuts me off mid-sentence, “Babe! I know you have been wanting to do something other than this for a while now. And if it’s the right time for you to do it, then just do it. Lou, I never doubt your decisions.” He slowly caresses my cheek with his thumb. “It’s not like that I don't know how difficult things were at work. And not just that, I know you are ready to spread your wings.” A smile crosses his face, “I can’t wait for the next big step of your career.”

 

“You are always so supportive.”

 

“Tell me, if I came home one day and told you I wanted to stop doing what I am doing and do something new, will you stop me?”

 

‘Do you want to?”

 

“The question is whether you will support me or not?” He asks. A seriousness crosses his face.

 

I’ve never thought about what will I do in such a situation. I know Harry is very happy with what he is doing, make computers work for him, creating things that make people happy and keep them engaged while making their lives easier. But if he was in my shoes and stood on a crossroad in his career, I guess I will support him too. Only because I know his potential and I know he will shine wherever he goes and whatever he does. And somehow, I just answered his question. You never stop supporting the person you love and one thing I learned is that you support them without any expectations.

 

I nod, “I will.” Definitely. Always. “You didn't even have to think about it unlike me.” I feel worse now. Harry readily agreed and supported my decision but when he asked me the same I had to think about it for a second. What kind of person am I? Harry is too good for me.

 

“Because I knew your situation crystal clear, have known it for months now. Yours wasn’t an impulsive decision Lou.  Whereas, I gave you a hypothetical situation. You were ought to think about it. It would have bothered me if you didn’t think about it,” he says bringing a forkful of fries in front of my mouth.

 

“I love you Haz!” What I won’t do for this man. And Harry blushes.

 

“Alright! I’m done,” I say wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my head in his shoulder. “I wanna sleep.”

 

“No no no no no… I did not fry all these beauties at one in the morning for you to eat three bites and fall asleep. You are finishing this with me.”

 

I raise my head and look at him. He really won’t let me sleep so I better eat them quick. “Harry it’s one at the night.”

 

“No Lou, it’s one in the morning. It’s one a.m.” He emphasizes _a.m_. and shoves a forkful of fries into my mouth.

 

“But the sun isn’t out yet, hence it’s still night!” We have been having this discussion since forever. According to Harry, after 12 at midnight it’s morning since it’s ‘a.m’ while I always say that until the sun isn’t out, it’s night. I know we both are right and wrong at the same time and our endless argument over it is always funny to me. All the scientists and researchers can fuck themselves if they ever came to a conclusion. I never want any conclusion to it.

 

*

 

“This one matches,” Lottie says. Charlotte (Lottie) Tomlinson is my baby sister, not too baby, just a few years younger than me. She has her own jewelry line that the girls and women of all ages love very much.

 

She always takes Harry’s advice when it comes to business decisions and Harry’s company runs her website and app. He says there’s always a lot of traffic in both, and they need at least three to four people at all times to manage it.

 

I always feel so proud of her. She is so young and has achieved so much on her own. She started her own line back when she was still studying jewelry designing in uni, and sold her jewelry to her colleagues. They were a hit then. Soon after she graduated, she approached Harry with her desire to put her designs out to the world. Harry helped launch her website, and she partnered with some small makeup brands. This gave her a good exposure. Soon she took over the market. She writes for fashion magazines as well now, and has a dedicated monthly column for fashion jewelry, in _Vogue_.

 

Her new line launches next month, and right now, we are trying to find her the best pair of shoes to go with her off-the-shoulder navy blue silk dress. The delicate stonework of various colors at the hem makes the dress even prettier. The vibrantly-colored ankle-strap Louboutins crafted with suede, leather, and PVC is a standout, and the fuchsia-colored leather wallet goes flawlessly with her outfit.

 

“Perfect!”

 

She looks gorgeous. The color of the dress brings out the color of her eyes. We both got our blue eyes from our mom. In fact, we both took a lot of features from our mom. If we three are together, anyone could tell we are related. We look so alike. My mom doesn’t even look like our mom. She looks like my elder sister.

 

She twirls around happily. She is like a child when she wears new clothes, twirling around, dancing in her new attire, just like she did when she was a baby. The diamond of her engagement ring sparkles as it catches the light. She is engaged to her boyfriend of four years, Matt, who works in an advertising company. Actually, he works in Mrs. Logan’s husband’s company. Sometimes I feel like I come in full circles. Everyone I know somehow knows each other.

 

“Your ring looks pretty,” I say. It is indeed a beautiful ring with princess-cut diamond.

 

“I know right! Fyi, I still haven’t found my wedding dress.”

 

Her wedding is four months away but she knows and we all know she won’t find her perfect wedding dress easily. Therefore, she started looking for it quite early.

 

“There’s new designer, I saw their work in London Fashion Week. Danny and Victoria. They are budding designers and their outfits are amazing. They have an exclusive wedding collection too, you should try one of theirs.” I have been giving her the names of designers where she might find her perfect dress. Till now she hasn’t been able to find a wedding dress that even mildly impresses her.

 

“Will you come with me,” she smiles hopefully.

 

“No, thank you. I’m not taking a break to go wedding dress shopping with you. However, I can get you an appointment.” She is worse than me when it comes to shopping. She never finds things at once, unless I pick them out for her. I’ll help her find her dress if she can’t find any for another month or so.

 

“Still waiting for you to change your mind. Anyways, have you put down your papers?” She asks as I walk her towards the changing room. One of the assistants walks with her inside to help her get out of the clothes.

 

“Yes, but I have to work this week. I can’t just quit.”

 

It’s only this week. I have to hand over my client file to another personal shopper and send my clients email about me quitting my job, etc. There’s a lot I have to do.

 

“Oh! What are your plans?” she asks from the changing room, her voice echoing.

 

“None as of now. Break will help me figure out what I really wanna do. There are so many options, you know.”

 

“I know! And I’m glad you are taking a break. You have been working continuously since you were seventeen. It’s more than 12 years in a row.”

 

‘Yep!”

 

This is one of the reasons I wanna take a break. I have always had some or the other job for a long time now. I had two jobs when I was at uni and boy that was exhausting. Even though Lottie is quite younger than me, she understands my work pressure and the extra pressure that comes with my job. She started working pretty early too. “Wanna grab a drink after this?”

 

“Yes!” she replies excitedly.

 

*

 

It’s not too late, around 8 in the evening, but we leave quickly after our fourth drink. We had to physically stop from having any more drinks. It’s midweek and Lottie has a meeting early tomorrow. Times like these, I feel like we are getting old. There were times when both Lottie and I would get drunk till wee hours and be fresh as a flower for the work in few hours. That time is gone.

 

Lottie is seven years younger than me and I get questioned a lot as to why I let her drink and smoke! But here's the thing, when she’s is out with me, we both know she is in safe hands. I give her all the freedom to let her hair down and do whatever she wants to do and most of the time I join her too. I’m always looking out for her. I would rather if she drank her heart out or smoked like a chimney with me than with some strangers or friends. Mum agrees with me on this. Harry and Matt are on the same side too.

 

We both have been to almost all the pubs and bars in London, but our favorite is a small traditional pub in central London.The ambiance is always soothing and comfortable. As we walk out of the pub and look for a cab for Lottie on the sidewalk, she leans her head on my shoulder. It was a long day for her with a three-hour-long meeting in the morning, lunch with a collaborator, and dress shopping. I wrap one of my arms around her and kiss her forehead. She shifts her weight from one leg to another as I tuck few strands of her pink ombre hairs behind her ear.

 

“We should walk some more,” she says. I can feel the weariness in her voice. Even though she is tired she still offers to walk, knowing where my car is parked so I wouldn’t have to walk a lot alone. I hold out her stilettos that I have been holding. She loves to walk barefoot like me and ditches her heels as soon as she knows there isn’t any need for her to wear them anymore.

 

“Your legs are in pain, aren’t they?” I ask her. I can give her a foot massage right now, but we’ll have to find a bench or somewhere to sit for the same and the massage will take some time and she’ll be late getting back home and then waking up early and I don’t want that, neither does she.

 

She looks down at our feet and lets out a sigh. “I need to see an ortho.”

 

“You do, girl. High heels are bit damaging.” I have read various articles citing why one shouldn’t wear high heel for hell lot of time. But her work demands her to be dressed perfectly from head to toe all the time. If she were to wear sneakers to work, her associates will have a panic attack.

 

“Anyways, how’s Harry? I haven’t seen him in few weeks,” she asks. We have been too busy catching up and talking about our work we forgot to ask about each other’s better halves.

 

“He’s doing great, just busy.” Talking about Harry always make me happy but I try not to talk too much about him with anyone only because I don’t wanna sound like a person who only talks about their partners. That’s annoying.

 

“How’s Matt? I talked to him two weeks back and he told me he got a pretty big project. Advertising for a new countryside resort which sounded pretty fun.” Whatever Matt told me about the resort made me wanna go there. I think Harry and I should go there for a weekend.

 

“Yep, it is! We are going there this weekend to know more about it and use the experience for advertising. It’ll be fun!” She said ‘fun’ but it doesn’t seem like she is excited about it. I frown at that.

 

“What happened! You don’t wanna go?” I ask her.

 

“I do, Lou! But .. ugh... How do I explain-” she bites her lip. “Things are different between Matt and me. We both don’t have enough time nowadays and well-” she breaks off again and it makes me concerned about them. “Even sex isn’t same anymore.”

 

We have always given each other a freeway to talk to about anything under the sun, there isn’t anything uncomfortable with it.

 

“Matt and I have been together for a long time now, maybe sex changes with time,” she continues. “Has it changed for you and Harry?”

 

I think for a right answer for this. To be honest, it has changed only in a good way. We both still need each other like we did when we started dating, only the intensity of need has increased. “Lots! I think there are just days when you need your partner and days when don’t want to get intimate with them. But that does not mean you love them less. We live busy lives, it’s obvious that something will suffer.” she nods. “I think a getaway will help you both.” She nods again.

 

How many times have I heard this from my friends that their sex life suffers, and every time I have felt relieved that it isn’t the case with me and Haz. No matter what I need to be wrapped around my husband at the end of the day. That’s the only time my world make sense to me, around Harry.

 

We walk a little further talking about things and stuff when I see Matt standing across from us in front of the restaurant. I point him to Lottie who looks relieved to see him. But he isn’t looking at us, seems like he is waiting for a cab or someone. There are too many cars passing and we’ll have to wait till red light to cross the road. There’s no way our voice will reach him either.

 

Lottie takes out her phone but her phone died a few hours ago. Matt disconnects my call as I call him, which makes me frown. Before I decide to call him again, a girl wearing a green skirt and off-white top joins him and takes his hand in hers after giving him a hug. I can feel Lottie freezing next to me. Matt smiles and takes her inside the restaurant. We both stand there frozen to our spot, not knowing what to do. No matter how many times I call him, he keeps disconnecting my calls.

 

“Ummm…” I try to say something to her but she just shrugs.

 

“They might just be friends or maybe she is involved in the new project,” she says feigning confidence. I feel the mild hesitation at the back of my throat. I try to keep the worrisome thought cropping in my mind at the bay. We don’t know anything and Lottie is right she could be just a friend too.

 

But why Lottie doesn’t know about her? Who is she?

 

Thankfully, a cab approaches us and I help Lottie getting in it. She still looked worried when she left but I don’t want her to think anything about it so I kept my mouth shut.

 

On my way back I decided to text Matt.

 

_Hey dude! Where are you?_

 

I don't want to sound incriminating and hence kept the tone of the message soft and friendly. His reply comes within two minutes.

 

_In office. Busy. Ttyl._

 

I stare at my screen in horror. He isn’t in his office. He isn’t busy right now. He is in a restaurant with a girl. Why is he lying about it? Maybe the girl really is her client but then he could have said that he is with a client. There wasn’t any need to lie, unless…

 

No way, I try to put on a lid to my thoughts. Matt is very fond of Lottie and he wouldn't do anything to hurt her. But then again, I can’t overlook what I just saw. One thing that keeps bugging me is that Lottie doesn’t know about her.

 

I take a deep breath and try to keep my mind open. Jumping to conclusion won’t do anyone any good.

 

*

 

I knock once before opening the door of the library. Harry looks up, the light from the computer screen glowing on his face. I shake my head at the dimly lit room. I still don’t understand why Harry doesn’t like too many lights while working. I switch on all the lights of the library as I walk towards him. I like to work in a well-lit room, unlike my husband. His lips curl around the corners into a smile seeing me. Cliff is sleeping on his pillow near Harry’s feet. The sudden intrusion of light interrupts his sleep and he shoots me a not so friendly look.

 

I sit astride on Harry’s lap and kiss him, “Hey darling!” I take off his glasses. I don’t like wearing glasses when we kiss, it fogs and makes it impossible to see each other’s faces. I wear lenses mostly but Harry is old-school. He likes to wear glasses.

 

“Baby!” he whispers in between our kiss. Meanwhile, Cliff stretches and leans over my feet, licking my toes. I ditched my shoes as soon as I entered our home. How nice it feels to have Harry’s tongue down my throat and Cliff’s tongue all over my feet.

 

A few seconds later, Cliff’s head is in between mine and Harry’s torso, garnering attention. A giggle escapes me and I break our kiss to pet him.

 

“Son!” I lean down to kiss Cliff’s forehead. He whimpers in response and Harry runs his hand over Cliff’s back.

 

I turn my attention back to Harry. “When did you come back?”

 

“An hour back!”, he replies. “Had dinner?”

 

“Nope! I can order it while I go and have a shower,” I offer. “Wanna join me?”

 

A mischievous glint crosses his eyes, “Gladly!”

 

 

 

Harry fills Cliff’s bowl with ‘Orijen’ while I scroll through online apps to order dinner. It’s the most difficult thing to do, ordering dinner. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if we were told what to eat.

 

“What do you want for dinner?” I ask Harry, hopefully, he will have a proper choice making it easier for me to order.

 

“Anything will do,” he replies. Hmm, ‘anything’ is a dangerous word when it comes to food.

 

“Chinese?” I spot dim sum on the menu and immediately my mouth waters. I love dim sum.

 

“Nah! Just had it this morning,” Harry says.

 

Oh.. ok… “Lebanese chicken?” The image on the menu is so appetizing.

 

“Nooo… I’m not very much in the mood,” Harry says uninterestingly.

 

“Indian!” We can’t go wrong with it. We both love Indian food.

 

“We had Indian food two days back,” Harry says.

 

What the hell! He just won’t agree to anything. How am I supposed to order dinner like this? Does this happen in every other household or ours is a special one where no one knows what to eat but can’t put a finger on one thing in particular.

 

“Shepherd’s pie?” I ask. Just agree to this, Harry.

 

Harry tilts his head and thinks for a second before shaking his head, “Nope.”

 

I look around and see a TV remote lying on the center table. I pick up the remote and without a second thought hurl it at him. Harry dodges it. The remote lands on the floor with a crashing sound and all falls apart.

 

“What the hell, Lou!” Harry says it loudly.

 

“Just tell me what you want!” I say equally loudly. First, he won’t tell me what he wants and then he keeps saying no to everything I suggest.

 

“Order whatever you want, I told you,” he replies as if he is irritated by the question.

 

“I can’t ‘cos you keep saying no to everything,” I point out, so done with this.

 

He just shrugs and picks up the remote from the floor, trying to put all the broken pieces together. I don’t even bother much about it. There might be a spare one in this home somewhere. I take a deep breath and walk towards our kitchen. Hopefully, there would be something in there for us to eat. I make up my mind to eat whatever I can find in the fridge and Harry will have to eat it too without a fuss.

 

As I rifle through our fridge, I come across an assortment of jams and spreads, there are few eggs, a bowl of salad, few boxes of chopped fruits, stuffed tomato and capsicum, and mushroom risotto. I take out the risotto and put it in the microwave to heat up.

 

Harry is talking to someone on the phone when I reach our bedroom. He raises his index finger asking for a minute. I slowly strip out of my clothes in the bathroom, waiting for him to come. But he doesn’t come. He is still on the phone when I come out of the shower. One day his bloody phone is going straight out of the window.

 

 

Harry puts aside his glasses and gets inside the cover. No one knows what a brilliant sight Harry is when he wears glasses while being completely naked. No one has to know that as well. It’s just for me, a blessing for my sore eyes.

 

He lets out a huge sigh and turns to look at me. His eyes are tired and face dull. Poor baby! Works too much.

 

“How’s Lottie?” He asks. He was on the phone half the time while we were having dinner. He told me about the company he was looking forward to acquiring and his phone calls were basically for the same. He was discussing it with his team. We couldn’t talk about Lottie and Matt then, I just briefly told him that I met her today.

 

“She’s fine, very excited for her new line,” I say. Harry nods knowing about the buzz of her new line already. “We saw Matt with a girl today.”

 

Harry looks at me confused, waiting for me to explain further.

 

“He looked pretty comfortable with the girl but Lottie doesn’t know who she is. I called him and he kept disconnecting it and replied to my text saying he was in office and busy. He lied.”

 

Harry nods but still doesn’t speak anything.

 

“Say something!” I demand. How can he not say anything about it?

 

“Don’t overthink, Lou! They might just be friends or someone he is working with,” he says calmly. How can he be calm about this?

 

“He lied to me, Hazza and you want me to be calm about this!” I cannot believe this.

 

“I don’t want you to go all Sherlock without knowing everything. Talk to him directly or let Lottie do the talking. Don’t get involved in this, Lou! They will sort it out.”

 

He has some nerve. It’s about my sister and he wants me to keep calm. I can’t keep calm. I don’t know what calm is. The more I think about Matt lying to me, the more I get suspicious.

 

“You don’t care about her or what?” I ask strongly.

 

“Lou!” He says calmly. “I’ve had a long day, I’m tired to my bone. Can I just sleep? I don’t wanna go crazy over something that you saw and understood. It could be anything. Give it a rest.” He takes a deep breath and switches off the lamp drowning the room in darkness.

 

I turn away from him, “I hope you sleep soundly!” I’m so bitter at his refusal to help me figure out what it was.

 

“I can’t. You didn’t give me a goodnight kiss,” he says sweetly. I couldn’t help but turn around to peck his lips. His arms snake around my waist keeping me in place. “We’ll see what happens, ok! For now, let it go.”

 

I think about what Harry said. Maybe, I should let it go. But I can’t. I will look into the matter. It is for my sister. Whatever it is, good or bad, I’m prepared for it. I hope it isn’t anything bad. Before I could say anything further to Harry, I hear him snoring.

 

 

I can’t sleep for most of the night. I switch on the lamps and look at Harry sleeping peacefully next to me. Harry’s skin is quite pale compared to mine and it has a subtle glow under the soft yellow light of our room. His curls fall over his temple and forehead. His eyelashes cast a soft shadow under his eyes. His slightly parted lips give a sneak peek of his rabbit teeth. I always get the same feeling for him that I had when I first saw him. My heart still dances like it did the first time.

 

My eyes fall on his exposed neck and I get a strong desire to kiss and bite him there. I love leaving a mark of my presence there. His sharp jawline is intimidating yet my favorite spot to kiss. Not thinking anything further I lean forward to give him a love bite on his neck. Harry stirs slightly.

 

“Lou! Just sleep,” Harry says groggily.

 

“Can’t!” I whisper. My hands slip over his torso, legs intertwining with his. His eyes are still closed and he seems to still asleep. I kiss his shoulders and work my way towards his neck.

 

“Babe! I’m tired. Lemme sleep. I promise I’m all yours over the weekend,” Harry begs with his eyes closed.

 

I think about it, on one hand, I want him right now and on another hand, I know he is tired and even though he will give me what I want, he won’t fully enjoy it and will want to end it quickly. I don’t want that. I want him for hours, not few minutes. I agree with his request and let him sleep, mentally planning on all the ways I’m gonna take him later.  

  
  
*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

 

 

Harry’s giggles fill the room along with the sounds of our kisses. “Lou! Stop.” Harry says as I bite his ear and work my way down towards his jawline, nibbling them. “I’ll be late for work.”

 

Harry flips me on my back in one swift motion, his knees pressing against my balls. He promised me that he’ll be mine all weekend and he kept his promise. I had him every way I could think about. But even that isn’t enough! I wish I could stay with him in this bed forever. Harry buries his head in my neck, kissing me there intensely. Like a reflex action, my legs wrap around his back. He makes his way to my lips and kissed deeply.

 

“I have a meeting at 10.” I can see the despair on his face but his eyes speak something else, something more passionate. “Lemme go!” He pleads. I scrunch my face and reluctantly let him go. I can tell it takes him so much strength to get out of the bed. Like me, even he doesn’t want to go out.

 

My break officially starts today. It started back on Saturday but that was unofficial. I have nothing to do from today onwards, till I make up my head. For the first time in my life, this morning doesn’t come with a mental picture of things I have to do today. I’m not sure how this day will go by without any schedule. It feels so good.

 

Harry picks up the glass of water from the bedside table and opens the curtains. I can’t take my eyes off him. His eyes meet mine, darkening and getting deeper. I know those eyes, they are the ones that make me beg him for more and more. I can feel the intensity of his touch and kisses at the back of my head looking at those eyes. I can push him against the wall and have him again, I know most part of him won’t stop me at all. But the more reasonable part of me knows he has his business arrangement and it would be selfish of me if he is late.

 

My eyes follow his hand as it reaches my mouth. His thumb wipes my lips roughly. I catch his thumb in between my teeth. My eyes meet his, holding equal desire. Without taking my eyes off him, I bite his thumb gently before kissing the inside of it.  

 

“I love you,” he says, his voice deep and passionate. His eyes cloud with raw lust and his dick twitches. Mine does too.

 

“I love you more.” My throaty voice makes him smile. He bends down to kiss me one last time.

 

Cliff jumps into the bed and showers me with wet, sloppy licks all over my face. I giggle at the feeling, “Morning Cliff!”

 

Harry ruffles his fur and goes to open the terrace door.

 

“Look, son! Your fun dad isn’t so much fun after all. It isn’t too late to change teams,” I say to Cliff who finds a perfect place to sit next to me. Harry shoots me a look as he goes inside our closet.

 

“Cliff is smart, he won’t fall for your words. He knows who is the best dad,” he says proudly, his voice fading as he keeps walking towards the bathroom.

 

What shall I do now? I look at the clock; it’s 8 in the morning. Harry will be gone in half an hour. I have a whole day with me and I don’t know how to even start my day.

 

“What shall we do today?” I ask Cliff while scratching him behind his ears. Suddenly I remember that the flowers must have been delivered. Harry puts flowers every day around the house, but he doesn’t have time today. I must do it. I quickly scamper out of the bed and walk towards the closet to put on the shirt Harry wore last night when we went out for dinner. Ah! It smells strongly of him.

  


Harry has his iPad open in front of him, going through his schedule for the day while dressing up as I enter the closet with flowers. I put together a bunch of flowers of various colors for this room. He smiles looking at me in the mirror. I don’t interrupt him further and dash to the kitchen to make him breakfast. June told us last week that she won’t be coming today early as her aunt is in the hospital and she has few relatives at her place. Harry and I offered her leave for a week but she refused and said she won’t be able to make it early but will come after 10.

 

“Mmm... What’s cooking?” Harry grabs me from behind as I arrange breakfast on the plate.

 

“My cooking skill is limited so you’ll have to settle down for a sunny side up, toasts, bacon strips, and fruits,” I say. Well, it doesn’t look so bad when I plate them.

 

“It’s perfect!” He says and I turn my face to kiss him. He smells fresh and intoxicating. All traces of a weekend full of sex gone. Even his eyes are clear as day now. He seems ready to take over the world.

 

Harry pours us both tea as we sit down for breakfast. “What plans for today?” He asks enthusiastically, expecting an equally enthusiastic answer.

 

I pout, “Eh! Nothing as of now. I think I’ll take Cliff to the park for a walk.” I just thought of that and yes I’m doing it. It will be so good to chill in the park while the world around me rushes to their workplace. I can even feed the birds, read a book there. Perfect!

 

“Sounds nice!” he says smiling.

 

The thing is I don’t know what should I do afterward. I mean my day is a blank slate right now, which is very welcoming, but I feel lost without a proper schedule. I guess it will take me few days to get accustomed to it. I just hope I don’t miss Harry badly being alone at home. Maybe I can watch Netflix but then Harry won’t be here to chill with me. But I can Netflix and eat. Fuck the chill. It is going to be Netflix and feed kinda day. Cool!

 

“I’ll try to come back early,” Harry says chewing his bacon.

 

“Do you want me to bring you lunch?” I ask suggestively. He knows what I’m asking for, a makeout session in his office. Which reminds me I haven’t been to his office in forever. His office has a playroom, a gym, and an activity room. There is also a nursery in his office for parents who can’t leave their kids at home for long. I can spend time there. Harry was pretty sure that he didn’t want his employees to think that their job and office life sucks. And a remarkably low percentage of people quitting his company proves it.

 

Harry shakes his head and looks down at his food, blushing all the way, “I have a lunch meeting. But you can come by whenever you want.”

 

“I just may!” I say. So it’s decided if I get too bored, I’ll go to his office. Done!

 

I help him in his suit jacket and fix his tie as he is about to leave. I have always meant to do these little things for him but I could hardly ever find the time. I can count the number of times I have fixed his blazer and tie before he left for work in all these years we have been together. It’s only because I woke up late every single day and left for work before Harry. I never got time for anything else. But now I have and I'm going to relish all these little things, all the things that require zero effort but make relationships even stronger.  I'm going to spend as much time with everyone I love, as much I can.

 

Smoothing his jacket, I kiss him goodbye.

 

*

 

I put another Pringley in my mouth, my eyes glued to the television playing ‘How to get away with murder.’ I hate Shonda Rhimes, she fucks with my feelings a lot. I stopped watching ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ after she killed McSteamy. Of all people, she killed McSteamy, Mr. Hot Hot McSteamy. I haven’t forgiven her for that and I don’t think I will. But since I have a love-hate relationship with her and I love hurting myself watching her series, I decided to do an HTGAWM marathon. Fyi, Viola Davis is a goddess.

 

Footsteps approaching grabs my attention. I turn and find Harry walking towards me with a smile on his face and a paper bag in his hand. Behind him, Patrick walks with Harry’s laptop and some files to his office. I look at the clock at the corner of the room and it tells me it is around 6 in the evening.

 

“Hey, Haz!” I say as he bends down to kiss me. “How was your day?”

 

“Not so bad.” He looks happy. Seems like the acquisition process is going smoothly. I’ll ask him about it later. I don’t find it appropriate to flood him with questions about work as soon as he enters home.

 

“How was your day?” He asks taking off his jacket. His tie is already loose, he just throws it away.

 

“Not bad! Went for a walk in the park, came back and took a long bath with those destressing bath salts. I slept for four hours afterward. Woke up, had lunch and somehow fell asleep watching this series and woke up to the sound of screaming which was an episode and half later. I had a busy day sleeping!”

 

Harry laughs besides me. ‘You had a bloody good day, in my words.”

 

“You bet!”

 

Harry hands me the paper bag. It smells good. I can tell from the aroma what’s inside, it’s chicken burger from our favorite restaurant. I smile so wide looking at it. It’s still warm and I can’t stop myself anymore. I hand over one box to Harry and stuff my face with burger. Gosh! It tastes so heavenly with cheese and chicken melting in the mouth.

 

Harry props his feet on the table and I lean my head on his shoulders. “Thanks for burgers.”

 

“I told you, I hope to make you eat five times a day. It’s just the beginning, babe!” he says with so much assurance I have no doubt he won’t let me even get to a point where I can even feel a hint of hunger.

  


I yawn loudly as I settle into bed, four hours later. Harry fixes the cover over us. “Tell me again why am I so sleepy. I have slept all day and haven’t done a shit.”

 

“Your body has realized that you have taken a break and all the exhaustion is taking you over. It’s alright Lou! Take rest.” Harry says wrapping me around him.

 

“I’m not sick!” I protest. I have never even slept like this whenever I was ill.

 

“No you aren’t but your body needs rest. Lou! Just relax, go for spas, stay in bed all day if you want, do whatever you like. Don’t think that you are sleeping too much. There isn’t anything like that.”

 

“Hmm...” a sound leaves my throat. I don’t know why but I don’t feel like I have any energy left to say anything further. I feel tired and sleepy. I close my eyes, breathing Harry’s scent and without realizing fall asleep again.

 

*

 

“Babe!” Harry’s whisper in my ear wakes me up. I take a sleepy breath and slip further inside the cover. Nope! Not in a mood to wake up. I feel him planting soft kisses on the cheek and a sweet one on lips. “I’m leaving for work.”

 

Wait.. what? I open one eye and see him smiling at me. Another eye open and I see him totally dressed and sitting beside me. “Huh! What time is it?”

 

“Five minutes to nine,” he says.

 

“Fuck! I have been sleeping for eleven hours.” Holy shit! What the hell is happening to me. I look at Harry in a confused way. It can’t be around nine. The room is still dark. Harry didn’t open the curtains today, was it because I was sleeping? “Why didn’t you wake me up early?”

 

“You were sleeping peacefully, I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. But wanted to hear your voice before I left for work.” I swear to God, marrying him is the best thing I have done in my entire life.

 

“Come here!” I pull him closer to his tie and kiss him deeply. He smells fresh and clean. Me, however, is still sleepy. I sit astride on his lap without breaking our kiss. His hands move up and down my waist. “Don’t go!”

 

Harry chuckles, “I wish!”

 

Suddenly my eyes fall on the bedside clock and it’s three minutes to nine. I should probably let him go now. Breaking myself away from him, I get out of the bed. Harry gets up and makes his way out of the room.

 

“Niall called,” Harry informs me as we walk down the stairs to the living room. “He said he booked you both spa at Four Seasons.”

 

“He did? Great!” I say excitedly. I asked Niall yesterday if he was free for a spa day and he said he would make the arrangements to celebrate my break with a mind-blowing spa.

 

“It’s at eleven. You might wanna talk to him and discuss your day’s agenda. You were not picking up his calls since you were asleep, hence he called me.” Harry says.

 

“No worries! What are you doing for lunch?” I ask him, hoping he’ll be free for lunch and we would be able to grab a decent one near his office.

 

“I’m free but I don’t think so that you’ll be free by lunchtime,” he says and turns back to look at me when we reach the breakfast table. He gasps looking at me, “Put on some clothes, Lou!”

 

“Why? This is my house, I can roam around as I please.” Is there someone else at home? June’s early today?

 

“Patrick is in the office,” he says with wide eyes. I bite my lips from laughing at his horror of Patrick seeing me naked.

 

“Chill out! I’m a sight to behold. He’ll thank his lucky stars if he saw me in the epitome of my glory. Look at me!” I turn whole 360 degrees on my heels. Harry is still looking at me gobsmacked. “There should be billboard charts of me around the world, highlighting my curves and perfect body.”

 

Harry pulls me into his arms and a smirk plastered on his face, “You are never coming out without wearing anything. At least cover your modesty!”

 

“Ah! There is my jealous husband, I missed him so much. Besides, I hate wearing clothes.” I really don’t like wearing clothes or shoes.

 

“Says the one who shops clothes for a living,” I can see Harry trying to stifle his laugh.

 

“Irony isn’t lost on me. And I _used_ to shop for other people mister, I don’t do it anymore. Now I just shop for myself,” I say.

 

Harry tilts his head, “Very well!” He continues, “Breakfast is on the counter, kettle is on-”

 

I cut him off, “You didn’t have to make breakfast!” Now, I feel guilty of sleeping so much. Harry had to make us breakfast while getting ready for work and all that.

 

“I didn’t. I asked Patrick to get us croissants.” He pecks my lips. That’s better then! I’m not guilty anymore. In fact, I can use some more sleep.

 

I hear footsteps approaching nearby. “Hey, Patrick!” I say all the while maintaining my eye contact with Harry. His eyes widen with a sly smile on his face. “Don’t bother looking here. I’m very naked right now.” Harry’s back is towards him and even if he tried he couldn’t have seen a thing since I’m camouflaged by Harry.

 

“I’ll get the car, sir.” He says without glancing in our direction and leaves the apartment.

 

A laugh escapes me and Harry pushes me against the counter, “You are going to pay for this!” The promise of his tone makes me squirm.

 

“What is it gonna be: a paddle or a whip?” I raise my eyes playfully at him. His eyes say a lot than his mouth. I can’t remember last time we played and I miss the feeling.

 

“Don’t tempt me. I will spank you right now.” He warns me. I know he is borderline tempted. I will just have to push a couple of buttons.

 

“Do it, daddy!” I said grinning ear to ear.

 

His face turns serious, all traces of playfulness gone. He wipes the smile from my lips and looks me directly into eyes. His lips touch my neck and it sends a shiver down my body. His one hand slips down to my throat, his legs caging me in place. He leaves a hickey on my neck, grabs my throat slightly firmly and whispers, “Just behave in the spa, no more skin showing than necessary.”

 

“We’ll see about that,” I challenge him. My favorite thing to do because it messes with his head and the sex afterward is so bloody good.

 

“My one order and they won’t even ask you to remove your shoes, for the spa. Don’t make me dial Four Seasons.” Harry rarely shows off his contacts and what one email or phone call of his can do, but I know if he does make a call no one will dare to do go against his orders. But does that scare me? Absolutely not. Nothing about him scares me. Ha!

 

“Do you want to be kicked out the house for the night or you want to roll around in our bed with me? Your choice,” I break free from his grasp second time this morning in the span of five minutes. I hold up his blazer from the couch.

 

Harry shakes his head and gets his arms inside the blazer. “I can’t ever win from you.” He lets out a huge sigh and grabs me back in his arms. “See you tonight.” We kiss each other deeply. I jump when he pinches and slaps my bottom before leaving.

 

*

 

What a brilliant life is this, chill out the whole day, soak in all the sun, eat whenever you want, do whatever you want. I pick up my glass of Senorita from the side table and take a sip while lounging by the hotel’s pool. I fix my Wayfarers over the bridge of my nose. The day is bit warm and I feel so relaxed after the spa. Harry was right I wouldn’t be free by lunchtime. Niall and I have been lazing around the pool all day. Sunset isn’t far away. I wonder if I got any tan.

 

“This was the best day I have spent in a while,” Niall says slowly beside me.

 

“It was! I don’t want this day to end,” I say turning my head to him. Even Niall ditched his business-phone today. His PA has been going mad telling everyone that Niall isn’t well today and can’t talk on the phone or email back. He thought, making this excuse will let people leave him alone, instead, more and more people called to check on him, wanting to know how he's doing. I snorted when one of Niall’s well-wisher was ready to send an ambulance at his place.

 

“We should do it more often!”

 

“Co-signed!” Niall agrees. “Anyways, why weren’t you and Harry at the annual charity gala over the weekend?”

 

“Eh! My weekend was better than wasting away in some charity function that keeps happening every few months or so. Harry and I sent out donations in the morning that day already. Why do you ask by the way?” Who even cares if we both didn’t attend a social event?

 

“Lots of people were looking forward to meeting you both,” he looks at me. “One person especially was looking forward to meeting you.” He says.

 

“I’m not a personal shopper anymore. Hasn’t the news spread yet?”

 

“Well, he isn’t interested in your work instead he is interested in you.” Niall almost laughs. I take off my sunglasses and shoot him a look. What the hell!

 

“Connor West happens to be hugely fascinated by you and hopes you can give him a chance,” Niall still has a sly smile on his face.

 

“Who the fuck is Connor West? Doesn’t he know I’m married?” I show him my wedding ring.

 

“He is Abigail West’s husband and a father of two, also runs a publishing company,” Niall informs.

 

Ew! Abigail. I don’t like her. She’s so pretentious and a bitch.

 

“He has been asking a lot about you lately,” Niall says.

 

“Who’s gonna tell him that I’m not looking for any sugar daddy!” I put back my sunglasses and leaned back on the lounger more comfortably.

 

Niall snorts next to me, “You already have one who does a fine job of spoiling the shit out of you.”

 

“He is my husband, Neil!” I correct him. On second thought, sugar daddy seems like a fitting title for Harry, and I anyways call him ‘daddy’ sometimes and those times are when we are alone or when I want something, like leaving a stupid society party. Whenever I want to leave I simply text Harry, ‘Daddy, I miss you!’ and not even five minutes later we are all over each other in the car. Things are quite simple with Harry. He doesn’t like to complicate things and I need proper attention. Works fine for both of us.

 

“Don’t call me Neil!” He warns me. He hates being called by that name and I love that he told me what he hates so I can annoy him for the rest of the life. I’m sure Niall regrets nothing more than telling me how much he hates being called Neil. I, however, find it very enjoyable.

 

“Awww… Stop! You love being called ‘Neil’, isn’t it Neil!” I mock him further.

 

“One day I’m going to dump your ass in the Thames and no one will ever find your skinny body!” He sounds like he is threatening me but his face is still so innocent. This Irish lad needs to learn a lot.

 

I pick up my phone from the table next to me and open Facebook. “Thanks for letting me know, Neil!” I tell him.

 

I quickly type out a status, ‘If I ever go missing without telling anyone ask Niall Horan where did he dump my body.’ I tag Niall in it. Can’t take chances these days and thanks to social media I can at least warn everyone I know beforehand. Niall’s personal phone beeps and he narrows his eyes at me reading the notification.

 

“I just made sure you don’t get away with it,” I smile the most pleasing smile I could but I cannot hold the laughter bubbling inside me. Next second both of us are laughing our asses off.

 

*

 

“Cannot believe you both had a spa day without me,” Zayn complains as we walk out of the Pet Salon.

 

Cliff and Clancy love to spend time here. In fact, Cliff and Clancy are friends from their puppyhood; they both were born just a few days apart. Liam and Zayn were looking to have a dog at the same time we were researching for the breed of dog that will suit us. When we saw puppy Cliff in the pet nursery, he was playing with puppy Clancy. We immediately decided to take Cliff but he looked pained to part ways with Clancy. Liam and Zayn took Clancy, and their friendship is still intact. When we go on holidays we leave Cliff with Liam and Zayn, and when they go on holidays, they leave Clancy with us.

 

I especially love this pet salon from all the other ones in the city. They converted a mansion in Kensington to a pet salon and have a huge manicured lawn and an abandoned golf course where dogs can play freely. They also have gym facility for the pets along with checkup with a vet. If I were a pet, I would wanna come here every day. I can’t stop touching Cliff’s fur when they groom his fur after a bubble bath and give him a blow dry. They even give him a Pawdicure which my baby loves so much.

 

“We left you a hundred messages but you never replied,” I reply. We tried to call him but he won’t pick our calls.

 

“I was at the studio,” he says. “I didn’t check my phone all day. Also, you both could’ve told me beforehand.”

 

“It was a sudden decision but promise next time.” I feel sorry for Zayn missing out a relaxing day. He needs to chill out more than us.

 

He huffs out a breath, “Where do you wanna have lunch?”

 

I think for a few seconds before answering, “Let’s go to The Savoy.”

 

“Ah! My favorite.” True. All of Zayn’s personal parties and celebrations happen there. It’s also the place he comes whenever he needs some inspiration for writing. A historic place like that can inspire anyone for all good things. If not spa, we can at least have a decent lunch where he feels comfortable and relaxed.

 

 

“How’s your album coming along?” I ask him taking the bite of my bbq smoked pork rib. Mmm… the sauce is so delicious and the meat melts in my mouth. I could kiss Gordon Ramsey my thanks for this amazing dish.

 

Zayn puts down his glass of Caipirinha on the table and nods, “It’s coming out well. Have written 27 songs till now.”

 

I’m more astounded by the fact that he did put down his drink. When Harry and I went to Rio for the first time, he ordered himself Caipirinha for the first time and forgot to stop drinking it. For the entire weekend, he was drunk on it. I love it too but I reserve having it for the evenings when I don’t have to worry about getting drunk. I’m not the one who gets drunk in day.

 

“How many songs are you thinking of writing?” Twenty-seven sounds like a good number for an album.

 

“Few more! Some will get rejected by the label, therefore, I like to have a lot of option. I’m hoping to put around 15-18 songs on the album.”

 

“That’s nice, Zayn! I can’t wait to listen to your album, man!” I, like his fans, love to listen to his songs when he officially releases them. Hearing them before most people of the planet seems like cheating to me. I like to feel all the emotions with each song as they come by and then scream at Zayn about how much I loved them. I think I give him an honest opinion then. He always invites me to his studio when he is recording so I can see the entire process of song recording and he can know what I think of the song, but I never go. I like the thrill of listening to the album after it is officially released.

 

“How’s your break going on? Thought of doing something?” He asks and takes the bite of his crispy duck salad.

 

“This is my day 3 of the official break. Of course, I haven’t spared a thought on what I wanna do!” I say. I don’t want this break to end. These three days have felt like heaven. Thankfully, I don’t have any deadline or a specific date. I smile internally thinking about it.

 

“Lou! I have a prospect for you,” he says. I put my fork on the plate to listen to him without any distraction. Food _is_ a distraction. “Will you help me in brainstorm the designs for my line with Versace?”

 

I look at him blankly for a couple of seconds. What did he just ask me? Am I dreaming? What the…

 

“Lou! Tell me,” Zayn looks at me concerned, his brows join.

 

“Are you serious?” I ask, perplexed by the proposal. I still cannot believe it. If he is joking, I’ll feed him to Dora without a flinch.

 

“Why would I be, Lou! You are so talented. I think I can use your help and ideas to launch the line. To be honest, I’m very nervous about it. You understand clothes and styles better than anyone else I know. I want the line to be a personal experience rather than a professional one.” Zayn explains.

 

I pick up my Truffle Gin Martini and gulp down the entire drink in one go. I cannot believe Zayn asked me to help him with his line with Versace. With Versace. V.E.R.S.A.C.E. Either I’m too drunk or dazed and none of this is real, or this is all real and I’m about to scream at the top of my lungs and say yes to him. I haven’t even felt the need to say ‘yes’ like this when Harry proposed to me.

 

I take a few deep breaths and calmly whisper, ‘Yes, I would love to!” I seal my mouth shut. We are in a well-established restaurant and I definitely don’t want to be kicked out for interrupting the lovely ambiance by my excited howling.

 

“Why are you whispering?” He looks very confused. He should know me better. He should know me. He is my best friend.

 

I close my fists, take a deep breath and say, “I’m barely holding myself from screaming like a mad person, don’t push me.”

 

Zayn breaks into hysterical laughter like I told him a really good joke.

 

“They completed the renovation of the bar!” Zayn remarks as we pass it while on our way out. The bar was shifted to another part of the hotel while the renovation was going on. Both of us look at each other and decide to look inside.

 

“Beautiful!” I say as we enter the bar. It’s more exquisite than before. Well, everything they do is lavish and they keep upping themselves with everything they do. “Wanna have a drink?” We both could use some wine while we take in all the beauty.

 

“I would love to, Lou! But I have to see my counselor in an hour. I can’t be late,” Zayn says with a hint of shame on his face.

 

Zayn has been suffering from severe anxiety for a while now. His previous team did not bother much about his well- being and in years he has suffered a lot, from eating disorders to his anxiety increasing. All the pressure by his team along with the racial hate he has got over the years has done a lot worse to him. His new team did the bare minimum and asked him to get in touch with a therapist for the same. His anxiety got so bad that once he refused to get on the stage. That was the wake-up call for his team. He wasn’t quite accepting towards his own state for a while, but the new doctor Liam found for him, made him feel acceptable to his illness. It took him a lot of courage to tell about it to the world. Well, if you are targeted and get hated by mass for something they don’t know much about, it is obvious that you would hesitate to speak about it.

 

He is better now, but there’s a long road for him to travel. I always admire how Liam has stood by him and supported him throughout. Zayn is still in the closet since his team and label won’t let him come out. Zayn likes to keep low and doesn't prefer to be in news all the time. His previous team made sure he graced the headlines of the gossip tabloids every few days or so and portrayed him in a bad light. From cheating scandal to drug abuse, they did everything to bring him down. His new team lets him do the minimum without much fuss, which he gladly takes over all the other nonsense.

 

“Want me to come with you!” I offer him knowing he still isn’t comfortable going to his sessions alone.

 

“Don’t worry, Lou! Liam will be there,” Zayn smiles slightly. Liam always goes with him to the sessions. He just sits outside the office and waits for Zayn. Liam’s presence and a knowledge at the back of the head that he is just outside the closed door, makes it easier for Zayn to continue with the session.

 

I nod my head and we hug each other goodbye. “Let me know if you need me!”

 

“Sure, bro!” Zayn leaves without looking back.

 

I look at the walls and the drapes around them. All look so magnificent. I should hire the designer who designed it and get our house renovated too. We can use this theme. It’s so timeless and soothing. As I walk towards the manager for the bar to help me with the details of the designer, my eyes fall on the table at the far corner. My breath catches in the throat as I see two people who are occupying the table. It’s Matt and the same girl. For a second I don’t know what to do! Seems like my brain has shut down. I contemplate whether I should walk towards them and demand an answer from Matt about what he is doing here in the middle of the day. But the thought that he will come up with an excuse stops me. I take out my phone, take a few pictures of them and send them to Lottie. She would know what to do while I find out something more regarding them both. Making sure they haven’t seen me, I leave the hotel.

 

*

 

I’m greeted by the smell of freshly baked cake as soon as I enter my mum’s house. Nothing feels more comforting than coming back to my mother’s home.

 

“Mum, I’m home!” I shout, not finding her in the living room.

 

“In the backyard, sweetie,” she shouts. Cliff and I make our way to the backyard where she’s on phone with someone.

 

She is dressed for the charity function she is attending. Her hairs look freshly blow-dried and her nails are freshly painted in crimson color. It matches perfectly with the floral grey dress she is wearing. I kiss her cheeks and sit on the swing that has been there since I was small. It’s still in good condition. Mum paints and oils them regularly, I used to do it when I lived with her. I still do if I come to stay with her for a couple of days.

 

Bidding goodbye to whoever she was talking to she comes to hug me. She smells heavenly. “I’ve been waiting for you all day. I thought you wouldn’t come.”

 

She sits next to me on the swing and pets Cliff. Cliff always gets excited to meet her as she gives him his favorite toy to play with. “You smell and look good, Cliff!”

 

“Just got him back from a trip to groomers. His paws look shiny as well.” I tell her. Then I look at Cliff, “Show her your paws, son.” He holds out one of his paws on her lap.

 

“They look impressive,” she smiles.

 

“I would’ve come. I told you I would. I keep my word,” I remind her. She raised a gentleman. Growing up she always taught me how it is important to keep your word. I haven’t forgotten anything she taught me.

 

She ruffles my hairs and smiles. She is my favorite woman in the world.

 

I hand her over the envelope. “Here are mine and Harry’s donation to the charity.”

 

She works with an NGO that raises money for food and education of homeless children. They have an event for the same today. It’s always nice to be able to help others who are in need. Neither Harry nor I hold back in doing whatever we can.

 

“Thanks, darling!” She takes it from me. “It would’ve been nice if you both could come too.”

 

“I know, mum, but Harry has been quite busy these days. He comes back home late and I’m trying to spend as much time with him as I can.” It is my motto these days.

 

“I can understand! How’s everything going on?” She pauses for a second and continues, “Have you talked to Lottie?”

 

I doubt whether I should tell her about Matt or not. Has Lottie told her about him? Is that why she is asking? Lottie hasn’t yet replied to the pictures I sent her. I don’t know what to tell my mum about it. It would be better if I try to figure out what she is talking about.

 

“Umm.. yeah! Why?” I try to keep calm in my voice.

 

“She still hasn’t found her dress and she asked me to help her with it. We are going next week. Join us!” she says.

 

“Nope, thanks! I got her an appointment with the designers. How was her get away with Matt at that country resort?” I ask.

 

“She seemed happy after she came back. Said it was relaxing!” Mum says happily and starts to walk inside. I follow her.

 

“That’s nice then!” I will talk to her soon-ish.

 

As soon as we enter her kitchen the smell of cake makes me hungry.

 

“I baked a carrot cake for Harry!” She chimes. She always bakes him a carrot cake and rarely for me.

 

“Why you love your son-in-law more than your biological son? You rarely bake me these amazing cakes. It’s so unfair!” I complain. I want her to bake me cakes as much as she bakes for him.

 

“Lou!” She laughs. “Well, my son-in-law is the one responsible for making my son happiest. I must bake him carrot cakes! And it’s not like you don’t eat more than half of those.”

 

“It’s Harry’s fault he doesn't eat all of it at once. If he is going to keep some for later, he should know there won’t be any left for _later_.” Harry eats one slice or maybe two at a time and puts the rest of it aside so he can eat it later. He even cuts them into proper slices. I take one big spoon and eat the rest of it straight from the box. He shouldn’t be saving them.

 

My mum laughs while packing the entire well rounded and perfectly baked cake in the box. It looks so fluffy and soft I can’t wait to gorge on it.

 

I look around her kitchen, there are new china jars with sugar and tea engraved on them. They look pretty. I take a handful of candies from the candy box. She is wholly responsible for mine and Lottie’s regular trip to dentists to get a checkup. She keeps her candy jar full all the time and we both grab the candies as much as we can. Suddenly, I see two very beautiful red-colored clay pots.

 

“What are those, mum?” I point them out to her. They have some designs on them as well.

 

“Oh! They are clay pots that I use for cooking these days,” she replies and continues wrapping a foil around the cake. Claypots for cooking? Huh! I’ve never heard of this before.

 

“You can cook in them?” They do have a hint of blackness around the base.

 

“Oh yes. The food cooked in them are very delicious and healthy. The nutrition of the food remains intact and uses pretty less oil. It tastes so delicious!”

 

Why have I never known this? “Where did you find them?” I want to have these pots too. I want us to eat healthy and nutritious food too.

 

“There’s an exhibition going for the artisan products. I got it from there.” She says. “Wait! Let me pack you some vegetable stew I made in it today. You’ll love it!” she walks towards the refrigerator and takes out the bowl of stew.

 

I pick up one of the pots and look at it carefully. It is bit heavy and has soot at the base but its finishing is so pretty. That’s it! I’m getting few for us too. Maybe I can learn how to make clay pots. I should take up pottery. I have always been a supporter of natural and organic things. Maybe pottery is my calling. I can convert one of the spare room of our apartment to my studio, where I will spend all day making these and cook delicious food for Harry in them. Maybe I can take it as a business. I can ask Harry to set up a website for my creation so I can sell it online. I can have a studio in central London. This is even better. I will call it ‘The basics by Louis Tomlinson’. No, it doesn’t sound quite pleasing. I should call it ‘Back to Basics by Louis Tomlinson’. I will sell these handmade clay pots. I will spark a revolution with these. These will encourage people to use earthen pots and natural stuff for cooking. The Telegraph would do a column on me and how I turned the entire generation to get back to using the natural method for cooking. I can even partner with some organic farm that grows fruits and vegetables organically. Soon, I will have a chain of studios around London and-

 

“Lou!” I snap out of my thoughts as my mother shakes me. “What are you thinking?” She hands me a box of cake and another of stew. “You want something else?”

 

I shake my head. I should look for pottery classes in London. “Nothing mum! I should leave. You must be getting late.”

 

She kisses my cheeks, “See you later, darling!”

 

*

 

Off-white silk robe almost falling off my shoulders:                        Check

Bath filled with warm water:                                                            Check

Sex bomb from Lush, diffusing in the bath:                                    Check

Diptyque candles lit to set up the mood:                                        Check

Hairs set extra messy to make my husband weak in knees:            Check (spent 35 minutes to set them)

Sensuous music playing through speakers:                                    Check

A bottle of chilled Chardonnay with two wine glasses kept on the side of bath: Check

Fed Cliff and put him to sleep in another room:                            Check

Husband back home:                                                                     Not Check

 

He texted me half an hour back that he is on his way. He’ll be home soon. Harry came back home pretty tired and exhausted last night. He asked me about my spa and wished he could be there with me. I promised him that we’ll go together next time. And when he asked me when will be the next time I told him it will be whenever he wants. He fell asleep while I was giving him a shoulder massage. His muscles were badly knotted. So, I thought why not make it a relaxing night for him. By relaxing I mean, won’t stop fucking each other till either of us gives up. He’ll be drained tonight but he’ll wake up more energetic and surrounded by my love, not that he doesn’t wake up every day surrounded by my love even when I wake up after him. My sleeping till late is not the problem, his habit of waking up early is.

 

“What is the reason for celebration?” his deep voice reaches me from behind. I can tell by his voice that he is tired. I turn around and take a quick step towards him. Looping my arms around his neck, I kiss him. His hands gently caress my waist.

 

“I’m the celebration and our love is the reason,” I say with a smile.

 

He squints his eyes at me. I cannot control my excitement and blurt out, “Zayn asked me to help him brainstorm his line with Versace!”

 

“What!” His face lights up immediately and he smiles ear to ear. “Is it true? Oh my god… That’s a brilliant news, Lou! You have so much talent, I’m so proud of you, baby.” Like me, even he cannot contain his excitement and swoops me in for a deep kiss.

 

“We start next week!” I’m smiling so wide I’m sure anyone can count my teeth from the moon.

 

“Lou! Why you didn’t tell me this on phone. I could have gotten you a gift or flowers… I came home empty handed-” Harry has a rule never go anywhere empty-handed. If nothing, take flowers or box of cookies but never empty handed. I can understand why he is a feeling bit sad for not getting me anything.

 

“You are my gift, Harry, and you brought yourself home. I don’t need anything else,” I seal our lips again and fumble to help him out of his blazer, which falls on the floor followed by his tie. It takes us not even a minute to get him rid of his shirt, boxers, and pants. He kicks his shoes somewhere and throws his socks as he pushes me back to the bath. As he opens the knot of my robe it immediately falls by our feet.

 

Nothing stops us for hours as we ravish each other hungrily.

 

*

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

 

 

I always feel so proud of Harry everytime I enter his office in Chiswick Park. I’ve never been to a more fun office in my life. The use of bright colored upholstery against the pristine white marble and wall is so refreshing. There’s a hint of citrus smell on the premises all the time. His office has six floors with a nursery and a playroom on the third floor. There are a lounge and canteen on every floor that serves coffee, tea, and general food items all the time. Harry’s office is on the top floor. I love how everyone smiles looking at me as I pass the front desk. I contemplate whether I should go and spend few minutes on the third floor or go straight to Harry. I should probably go and see Harry straight away, else we’ll be late for lunch.

 

I step out of the elevator, and my chest swells looking at the reception area of his floor. This floor is dedicated to Harry and his conference room.

 

I walk towards his office when I’m interrupted by a voice.

 

“Excuse me, Sir! Do you have an appointment?”

 

I turn towards the desk and a woman wearing a black pencil skirt with peach colored blouse looks at me questioningly. I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen her before in my life.

 

“What? I don’t need an appointment! Do you know who I am?” I continue walking towards the office.

 

“So sorry, sir!” A shaky voice reaches me. “She’s new here.” I shake my head and continue walking towards his office.

 

I push open very heavy wooden double door and Harry’s eyes immediately look up to see me. A beautiful smile crosses his face.

 

“Seems like your new staff doesn’t know me at all!” I complain lightly and walk towards his huge desk. The room is done in all white with black furniture. You would think it looks boring but it doesn’t. The view from the floor to ceiling windows covering two sides of the room can make anyone fall in love with his office. I always feel the calm every time I come here. Maybe, the calmness is radiated by Harry or maybe it’s just that everything in his office goes together bringing a very settling and calming feeling.

 

“It’s your fault, you don’t visit me here often!” Harry says and continues to write something.

 

I round his desk and find him writing a note with the ink pen. This is favorite pen! I gifted him this pen and he uses it to sign all his deals and legal matters.

 

“Whatcha writing love?” I glance at the note and marvel at how neatly he writes. My handwriting is very messy. He also knows how to write in calligraphy.

 

“Sending Zayn Whiskey and Cigars as a thank you for asking you to help him with the line. I’m writing him a note to go with it,” he continues.

 

I smile at his thoughtfulness, “You don’t have to, you know!”

 

“I know! But I want to,” he signs the note with his name and presses a barely visible button near the drawer of his desk.

 

“We’ll be late for lunch, come on!” I hold Harry’s hand and try to pull him.

 

A knock on the door grabs our attention and next second the same woman who stopped me at the reception is walking inside.

 

“Andrea!” Harry says in deep no-nonsense voice. “He is my husband, Louis! Under no circumstances, he shall be stopped from entering my office, even if I’m in meeting with Obama. Get it!” He slides the note towards her.

 

“Sorry!” She looks at both of us. I feel bad for complaining about her looking at her face now. She looks scared. “Won’t happen again.” She picks up the note and quietly leaves the room.

 

“You didn’t have to be so tough to her,” I grab his blazer from the coat stand and help Harry to it.

 

“She’s my PA, she should know who you are. That’s literally one of her untold job descriptions.” Harry says. I nod and we make our way out of his office.

 

*

 

Taking a sip of wine, I try to gather my courage to talk to Harry about Matt. He is busy devouring his favorite ‘Dry aged beef’ which is indeed one of the finest dishes that is served in Alain Ducasse.

 

“Harry!” I say nervously. “I saw Matt yesterday with the same girl. They were in The Savoy’s bar.”

 

Harry huffs a huge breath, “I thought you weren’t thinking about it anymore.”

 

“It’s about my sister! How can I not think about it?” He isn’t making any sense asking me to stop thinking about it. How can he ask me not to think about it?

 

“Lou! The world isn’t black and white. Sometimes things aren’t exactly the way they seem.” He gets back to eating his lunch.

 

“You don’t think it’s suspicious that he has been spending time with a girl whom Lottie doesn’t know about!” I find it very suspicious. Overly suspicious, actually.

 

“Has she talked to him about it?” He takes a sip of his wine.

 

“I don’t know!” Umm… I really have no idea about it. I’m yet to talk to her and she hasn’t replied to me about the pictures I sent her yesterday.

 

“Do you have even the slightest idea of might be going on?” Harry asks me.

 

I shake my head. So what if I don’t know what is going on, I know what I saw. Not once but twice.

 

“See! You need to stop obsessing over it,” he says.

 

“Obsessing! You think I’m obsessing over a fact that Matt might be cheating on my sister.” I cannot believe.

 

“Matt is madly in love with Lottie. He won’t do anything like that,” he says.

 

“Oh really! Will this be your reaction if you saw me getting cozy with a man you know nothing about? Not once but twice.” I’m borderline mad now.

 

Harry snorts. He has some nerves. “I’ll get your eyes tested.” He continues eating his food while I’m very much in shock.

 

“That’s it!” I look at him with my jaw dropped to the floor.

 

“Lou! I mean… if your eyes turn into ‘heart eyes’ looking at any other man even if he is the second most handsome man on this planet -”

 

“Second most! Who is the foremost?” What did I miss here?

 

“I am!” his eyes crinkle as he raises his glass to me with a mischievous grin plastered on his face.

 

He is navigating a very dangerous territory here. “Who told you that you are the most handsome man on this planet. It’s George Clooney!”

 

“Ah! Love, I took his place long time back. Look at me,” he smiles pointing to himself, “Am I not the most handsome man on earth.”

 

I shake my head, “Who even gives you such ideas and wrong illusions!” Bring me that person who has been telling him that he is the most handsome man on this planet. I’ll rip his head apart. Only I’m supposed to say that, no one else.

 

“Oh, darling! I don’t like to brag but I have been told this repeatedly over the past nine years by my lovely husband.” He leans back in his chairs, his smirk never leaving his face. “If he would accept that his judgment has been wrong over the years till now, well I won’t mind.”

 

He slowly takes a sip of his wine, never taking his eyes off me. If I don’t agree with him, out of spite, then it will mean that there is a flaw in my judgment and that I’m thinking too much and too wrong about Matt. And if I agree with him then it will mean that he wins the argument. He wins in any case. He still won’t pay much heed to my thoughts on Matt. How on earth did this conversation turn into something that has put me in the middle of it all? We were supposed to talk about Matt and Lottie.

 

“What are you even made of!” I mutter throwing him a warning look. He better not replies me.

 

“Rainbows and sunshine with dimples and green eyes!” He says happily. “You whispered it last night. You also said I am the- most- perfect man ever.” He waggles his eyebrows at me.

 

I blindly pick up the spoon and throw it at him. He dodges it and somehow it hits the serves over her behind before falling on the floor. “Shit!”

 

Harry turns towards the waitress, “I’m really sorry. My husband has lost his mind!”

 

“Harry!”

 

I HATE HIM SO MUCH…

 

*

 

This art exhibition is the best place I’ve been to in my whole life. Not just painting, handlooms from different countries are for sale here. Every beautiful thing from everywhere across the world is here at the exhibition. There’s a separate department for pottery stuff. Thankfully I brought John with me, else I won't have been able to carry these shopping bags along with the clay pots I’m buying. They are so cheap, I bought five of them. Two with the shallow bottom, two that are for decoration purpose and a plate kind of thing that looks beautiful. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, but I guess I will find it of some use. There were the simple ones that mum bought and there were also the painted ones that I bought. They looked so beautiful with bright colors and designs on them. All of it just cost me 45 pounds. So cheap!

 

I can’t wait to go home and start cooking in these. Harry would be so happy when he’ll see that I made him a nice dinner. I don’t know how to cook but how difficult can it be. I know how to fry an egg and someone once told me that frying an egg is pretty tricky. If I can nail an egg then pretty much I can cook anything in this world. It will be easy.

  


 

“Fuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkk!” I scream as I smell pork burning. Again! I was told it is easy to cook in these pots and the meat cooked in them is very tender. But I have burned almost half a kilo of pork trying to fry but it keeps burning. And who said it takes less oil. I have emptied a can of oil in it for but it keeps drying out. And the kitchen smells funny now. I have even drunk half a bottle of wine while trying to make this stupid pork chop. How do these people cook so perfectly while breezing in the kitchen and it barely even looks like they are cooking? My kitchen is a mess. There’s everything everywhere. I kept aside everything that was mentioned in Jamie Oliver’s recipe as the chefs do in their videos, all nice and clean. I took few pictures for my Instagram but none of them came right. They look ugly.

 

“Trying to burn down the house,” Harry walks towards the counter. I didn’t hear him entering home. “Wait! What’s that?” He points to the clay pot over the gas.

 

“I’m trying to make pork chops in the clay pot,” I say. I turn off the knob and peep inside. It smells as bad as it looks on the inside. Yikes! “It keeps burning, I don’t know why!”

 

“Lou! Where did you get the idea of cooking in them? You can’t cook, remember.” He says opening his cufflinks. His tie is loose around his neck and the top button of his shirt is undone. I think he must have left his blazer in the living room.

 

“The stew mum made, she made it in a clay pot. It was so delicious and you loved it too. I thought maybe we should start eating food cooked in clay pots too!” I take out the burnt pork pieces and drop them in the bin.

 

“Did you put your pot in water for at least 3-4 hours before starting to use it?” He asks.

 

I shake my head. Of course, I didn’t!

 

“Yup, you need to fill them in water and leave them for few hours so their pores get filled with water and any dirt that might be there will wash away.”

 

Oh my god! Nobody ever told me this. Is this why it keeps burning and oil keeps disappearing.

 

“And, why are you trying to cook in painted pots?” He asks.

 

“They look cute,” I reply happily.

 

“These colors have lead in them which can contaminate with the food. I’m not eating anything cooked in them.” He takes out a glass from the cupboard.

 

Shit! Why nobody thought of telling me these before. This is bad. Very bad. What should I do now?

 

“And don’t put them in the dishwasher to clean or use any detergent or soap.” Harry fills himself a glass of water and leans by the counter.

 

“How do you know so much?”

 

“I tried my hands at pottery in summer break of middle school,” He replies. “June’s gonna be mad when she’ll see the kitchen tomorrow.”

 

Harry walks out of the kitchen with his glass of water leaving me to decide what the hell to do now. Where the fuck should I start cleaning the kitchen. I already feel tired looking at the clutter. Fuck it! June will be mad at me then be it, I’m not cleaning this. I’m gonna get a shower. I have been in this kitchen for two hours, I’m sweaty and not in a good way.

 

*

 

Do my eyes look really tired or is it just me? Maybe all the smoke while cooking got into my eyes. Nah, it’s not smoke, it might be the color of my robe that must be making my eyes seem dull. I don’t really like this bright orange color, but the material is so soft, I love wearing it. It feels like clouds are wrapped around me, yes it’s that kind of soft. I still haven’t been able to find this same one in another color. But as Harry says, comfort over color. I don’t agree, mostly, but I can agree on this. I think both color and comfort must go together.

 

"Louis!" Harry shouts my name loudly.

 

"Gimme me a minute," I reply back calmly as I continue to check my reflection in the mirror after a long warm shower. My aching limbs feel much better now. Hmm... I think my nose hairs can do with some trimming. I pick up my scissors from the holder and start the work.

 

"LOUEHH!" Harry shouts my name again, but this time more loudly and sternly.

 

"What?" Why can't he wait a minute? Honestly, I can't even have a minute of peace in this house.

 

"Come here, Loueh!"

 

Sighing loudly, I put my scissors on the counter and open the door to walk into the closet.

 

"What! Huh…"

 

His face is plastered with irritation and without taking his eyes off me, he gestures towards the floor. I can't make out what he is gesturing to. He shouts my name three times in a row, but won't use it to tell me why he’s been shouting my name. What the fuck is wrong with him?

 

I shrug because I don't know how else to react to things I can't understand.

 

"Your shopping bags!" He points at the ones on the floor.

 

"What about them?" Is something wrong with them? Are they torn? I don't know what some bags have done to make him mad.

 

"Move them aside. They are blocking my side of the closet," he says.

 

"Why can't you move them yourself?" I fold my hands across my chest. "Why did you need to call me here to move them?" Why I have to do everything in this house?

 

"'Cos they are yours and they literally cover half the room." He gestures towards the floor of the room. "Can you keep them at your side, which is already more than half of the room?"

 

I look at him astounded.

 

"There's no space in my 'new clothes' shelf, therefore they are on the floor," I say. My shelf is cramming with shopping bags. I will sort them out when I find time and energy to do it. Till then, all the new bags are going to the floor.

 

"Why do you even need so many clothes? You don't even wear half of them. They just remain with tags on them forever," he says.

 

"Do we have a problem?" I raise my eyebrow at him.

 

"I'm just saying that you should cool down with your shopping sprees, Louis! Shopping isn't your job now," he remarks.

 

"Oh! So when I shopped to pay my bills, my shopping sprees were justifiable. Now that I don't have a job, it's not ok at all. WHAT THE FUCK!" How very dare he?

 

"I didn't mean it that way. Don't twist my words. You have so much potential, Lou, use it to fuel your creativity. Stop wasting your time shopping."

 

We both stay silent for a few seconds. He is right, I should be more creative. But I'm not wrong too, shopping makes me happy.

 

"I am thinking and planning to do something new and different. Working on a Versace collab is a dream come true for me but it's also making me nervous and jittery. I need something to cope up with it," I say.

 

Harry sighs and throws his head back. "Lou…"

 

I cut him off and start towards the bathroom, "You should know that I stress shop sometimes. And I have been stressed over Lottie and Matt if you know. And you were of no help this afternoon. So don't tell me how to cope with stress and nervousness when you don't help me at all." I slam the door loudly. I'm so mad at him right now. How can he blame me for doing something that makes me happy and feels content! He knows the feeling I get when I shop and he says I shouldn't do it anymore.

 

"I did not mean it that way, Louis! You know that." I can hear him shouting from the door.

 

"Just leave it, Harry!" I shout. Taking few deep breaths to calm myself, I turn away from the mirror. I take off my robe, light a relaxing candle and go to stand under the warm shower again. Only this time I increase the temperature slightly.

  


 

“I ordered dinner,” Harry informs as I walk into the living room. He has changed into his drawstring pajamas and a soft blue t-shirt. His legs are propped up on the table with a glass of red wine in his hand. He adjusts his glasses and concentrates on whatever he is reading on his laptop.

 

Cliff is playing with his toy, on the rug.

 

“You ordered without asking me what I want?” I always ask him what he wants for dinner and he did not even bother asking me.

 

“I ordered pizza,” he looks at me. I look at him for a second and open my mouth to tell him that he could have asked me about my choice of topping but he cuts me off. “With pepperoni!” Hmm... I like pepperoni. But cheese, he could have asked me about it. He cuts me off again as I open my mouth. “With extra cheese.”

 

“But you should’ve still bothered to ask me what I wanted! Maybe I’m not in any mood to have pizza tonight!” I can eat pizza anytime anywhere but come on Harry should’ve been a little more gentleman. How can he not be!

 

He huffs out a breath and looks at me, “Lou! My darling Lou, will pizza do for you tonight or you want something else?” He looks at me waiting for an answer. I don’t know what to say. I can’t say I want anything else. “Happy! Can I get back to doing what I was doing without any further discussion on food.”

 

He shakes his head and looks back at the screen of his laptop. I snatch his glass of wine, “Who is stopping you. Do whatever you want, huh.”

 

From the corner of my eye, I see him throwing his hands in the air as I sip _my_ wine.

 

*

 

I wake up to Harry’s mouth on my neck. I don’t know if I’m dreaming or is it actually his mouth on my neck. I think I’m dreaming. I try to move my arms but seems like they are restrained at the top of my head with something warm and strong. It’s Harry’s hand restraining mine. Nope, I’m not dreaming he is actually on top of me. He moves a little and his dick brushes against mine stirring some feeling inside me. I slowly open my eyes, the room is dimly lit with the light from the bedside lamp. I think it’s still dark outside but I can’t make out anything. I’m still sleepy.

 

“Hazza!” I manage to say, my voice sleepy.

 

“Morning to you as well,” He mouth covers mine to kiss me slowly and deeply. My legs part so that he can settle comfortably between them. The weight of his body over mine makes my blood warm.

 

“What time is it?” Is it morning already? I slept 5 minutes back.

 

“4:30 in the morning,” he says and his mouth makes its way towards my throat. I can feel the desperation in his touch and somewhere I know the reason behind it too. I took things too far at the lunch yesterday. He slides down on me, kissing his way to my torso.

 

“I’m sorry for what I said at lunch yesterday.” He looks at me as I say this. “I shouldn’t have said what I did, about me having an affair. I’ll never Harry!”

 

“Lou!” He settles himself next to me letting go off my arms. “I know baby. We don’t just hold love in our hearts for each other, we have too many feeling for each other.” We subconsciously link our fingers together. “Feelings that I can’t put into words. You are more to me than my husband and life partner.”

 

“You are my home, Harry! No matter what, I come back to you, everything comes back to you. Every thought of mine is somehow connected with you. It’s not me that I think about when I think about something, I think about us and how it will affect us.” I say meaning each and every word.

 

He kisses my temple lovingly, “No one’s love will ever consume me like yours. No one will ever make me happy like you do. I’m in love with your little things Lou! Our little banters, our smalls fights, our dreams, they all are from what I feel for you.”

 

“I’m sorry, H!” I feel utterly bad for saying what I did.

 

“Babe, No! Don’t be sorry. It’s just that for a fraction of a second I had a conflicting image in my head. And what can I say, I’m a bit possessive husband at times and I just need to clear my head, have to get rid of that image.”

 

“All yours, baby! You can punish me if you want.”

 

He smiles, “I’m not getting out of this bed and your arms right now to get a whip.” My face falls at his words. He climbs on top of me and says with a wicked smile on his face, “Hold on to the pillow with both hands and don’t let it go for any reason. You get me!”

 

I do as he says, getting turned on by his command. He takes out the bottle of vanilla flavored lube from the drawer on the bedside table. Watching him wetting his fingers with it makes me hard. My breathing is already ragged watching him like this in front of me. His messy curls, green eyes holding traces of sluggishness, his body warm, and his beautiful dick over my torso.

 

“Already ready?” He bends down to kiss me once and makes his way down to my dick. With one swift motion, he kicks the covers aside. “Baby!” He croons as he grips my dick. His wet fingers send shivers down me. “Pull up your knees.”

 

I do as he says and he takes me in his mouth, flickering his tongue over the sensitive head over and over again.

 

“Harry!” I gasp.

 

Parting my legs further with his shoulders, he inserts one finger into me. It feels so good. His finger moving inside me in soft and steady motion. I close my eyes. Suddenly he enters his second finger inside me. It takes a second for me to adjust to the feeling but as I relax it feels welcoming. The third one is followed by quickly. A moan escapes me and his three fingers open me with precise motions and expert strokes. He tugs my sensitive nipples till they are hard and paining.

 

“Feels good?” he asks.

 

“So good,” I manage to say. I open my eyes and find his intense gaze on me.

 

He holds my gaze as he takes out his fingers from my hole. He sits on his knees and pumps his steely erection two times before sliding over me again to kiss me. He slips his hands around my waist as we kiss.

 

Flipping me on my front, he pulls me on all fours. My heartbeat races thinking about what is going to come.

 

His hands grip my arse and I feel his soft kiss on my tattoo first.

 

He whispers in my ear, “Remember what I asked you do, right?”

 

“Yes!”

 

He kisses my spine from top to bottom before reaching my hole. He drips the lube over it and next second his tongue is teasing my hole.

 

“Hazza, please!”

 

“Shhh... I’m getting you ready.”

 

“I’m ready, so ready!” I just want him inside.

 

“We’ll see about that!”

 

I lick my lips, crazily turned on now. He growls softly and pushed his tongue into me, pushing and parting the sensitive tissues. It feels so good, I could cry because of the feeling in my chest right now. I grip the pillow tightly.

 

I’m a mess under his licks and suctions. My dick is paining and I can feel the pre-cum on it.

 

“You are mine, Lou!”

 

His words reverberate inside me. He puts inside two fingers, curving them. My core tenses and my limbs start shaking as I orgasm intensely. Tears sting my eyes. Harry brings his velvety soft tongue near my hole again and lashes it. I’m so sensitive right now and he keeps sucking me in a rhythmic pattern. I can feel the bead of sweat breaking behind my ear and forehead. He puts three fingers inside again and I come crashing like a wave.

 

“Please, Harry!” I beg.

 

“I love watching you fall apart under me,” he says. “I love the sounds you make, the way your body shakes, the way you surrender to me. I love it all, baby.” His voice is throaty and laced with lust.

 

“Take me!”

 

He glides his hot dick over the hole before ramming it into me. The voice that left me isn’t anything less than an animal’s grunt. His hot, hard cock filling me completely. I feel complete. I’ve wanted this all day. I’ve wanted him all day. He slides over me, holding my hips.

 

“You won’t come!” He whispers.

 

“No.. no .. Harry! Please,” tears streaming down my face. “I won’t be able to control.”

 

“You will!”

 

He thrust into me deeper and deeper, hitting my prostate over and over again. He straightens him and me along with him. His hands reach my nipples and pinch them again pushing me to the brink of orgasm again. He tugs the lobe of my ear with his teeth. Taking my hand he loops them around his arms while continuing his assault on my hole. I give him access to my neck and he nibbles his way to my shoulders.

 

Rubbing his cheek against my wet cheek, one of his hand wrap my dick while other one holds me at the torso. He pumps my cock with the exact same speed with which he is grinding my ass with his cock.

 

“Mine!” he says.

 

“Yours, always yours!” I sob, tears falling down my cheek.

 

“Come with me!” he commands.

 

My body replies with his quickening pace and an orgasm jolts through me, shocking my core with the overload of sensation. Harry comes with a growl and throws his head back as he fills me for a long minute. Harry held me tight till our bodies stopped shaking and our breathing became even.

 

*

  


I blink my eye a couple of times. Throwing the cover off me I take a deep breath. Something warm is curled up against my belly. Oh, it’s my boy, Cliff! There’s faint light in the room and the curtains are still drawn. I scratch Cliff’s neck feeling the softness. The house is eerily silent, not a single sound. Has Harry left for work already?

 

Picking up my phone I check the time. It's 10:30 in the morning. Jesus! I sleep a lot. And I miss Harry so much. Though I can still feel his body over mine, I need him again.

 

I unlock my phone and command, “Siri, call daddy!”

 

 **_Calling daddy…_ ** she does the job pretty fine.

 

Harry’s phone ring two times before he picks up my call.

 

“Morning, sunshine!” His voice is cheery and I can see the smile that must be on his face right now.

 

“Morning, Haz!” I yawn. “I just woke up. Why you didn’t wake me up before leaving.”

 

“You know why,” he says.

 

“I don’t wanna get out of the bed. It’s so comforting and I miss you,” I say in my raspy voice.

 

“Then stay there till I come back home and I’ll give you some more reasons to stay in there throughout the night,” he suggests throatily.

 

I chuckle, “What are you doing?”

 

“I was in a meeting!” Now I hear some faint voices behind him.

 

“Did you put it on hold to take my call! Jeez, go back and concentrate on the meeting.” I always ask him to never put any meeting on hold for me but he never listens.

 

“Yup. I’ll see you for dinner,” he says.

 

“Ok. Have a good day, love.” I don’t feel like putting down the phone. I want to talk to him and hear his voice.

 

“You too, babe! Bye,” he says. And I give him a kiss before he disconnects the call.

 

Cliff raises his head to look at me. “Were you sleeping too, son? Did I wake you up? Sorry. Let’s fall asleep together.”

 

He shifts his head against my chest which I take as his vote to sleep.

  


The Loud ringing of my phone startles me. I must have fallen asleep again. My brows draw in confusion as I see Lottie’s name on the screen. Either it’s going to be good or bad.

 

“Hey, Lots.” I try to keep the tone of my voice positive.

 

“You are still sleeping? Lou, it’s almost 11 in the morning.” She cannot hide the surprise in her voice.

 

“I’ve been sleeping a lot. Anyways, how are you?” Please let it be a good one.

 

“Can we meet for lunch today? I have to talk to you,” she says desperately.

 

Oh God! “Yeah, yeah of course. Name the time and place.”

 

“12:30 at Mayfair?” She asks.

 

“Sure! Will be there.” I put down the phone and take few deep breaths. She didn’t sound very positive, I hope it’s nothing that I’m dreading. I hope it’s just about her wedding dress or something related to wedding arrangement or the launch or her line, nothing too concerning about Matt and her.

 

I just don’t feel right about it. Let my gut be wrong this time. Please, God!

 

*

 

“Jesus Christ!” I shriek as Mary Colbert blocks my way unexpectedly at the lobby. What does she want now? She looks frazzled, her hairs are everywhere and she isn’t even wearing any makeup. Of course, I got startled, she looks scary. “I’m getting late, leave my way woman!”

 

“My cat’s missing since two days,” Her voice is even more shrilly. She crosses her hands over her chest and eyes me suspiciously. “Your dog ate my cat.”

 

“Excuse you, my Cliff won’t waste his perfectly manicured paws and his fully flossed canines on your ill-mannered cat. Besides, he was with me all day, so you might wanna blame someone else for her disappearance.”

 

She looks at me surprised, “She is missing. She hasn’t come home for two days.”

 

“Can’t you see how happy I’m to hear that.” That’s actually a good news for me. Over the years since we brought Cliff home, she tried to make him look bad for some reason or other. Good riddance to her cat, though.

 

“I know you are dancing with joy and that you are insensitive, but she was a member of my family,” she says angrily.

 

Darling, you live alone with your cat. You are the cat lady. “Do I look like a cat detective to you! Go complain about your missing cat to someone who cares. I couldn’t care less than I do right now even if I tried, I’m already at the bottom of it.” I shrug. “Now will you excuse me!” I start walking towards the door quickly.

 

As the concierge of the building opens my car door for me I tell him, “Look for that ugly cat. She must be on the premises somewhere!” Animals sometimes get lost and cannot find their way back home. I have no idea how old the cat must be, but nonetheless, there’s a chance of her getting lost.

 

“Sure, sir!” He says closing the door for me.

 

*

 

It’s a sunny day in London, the kind that makes you do all sort of outdoor things like shopping or maybe fishing. Days like these are less and I love bright sunny London. It’s the perfect day to have a barbeque.

 

What I don’t like is the tension in the air as Lottie and I sit across from each other. She has been unusually quiet since we met here. She looks tired and even though she is wearing makeup I can tell her eyes are puffy. Her hairs are open and do nothing to hide her gloominess. But nonetheless, she looks beautiful. Wearing her off-white Stella McCarthy jumpsuit, that I chose for her, she looks every inch perfect.

 

“Lots! You gotta tell me what has happened? I’m really worried now,” I have been worried since she called but I’m not gonna tell her that.

 

She looks up at me, there’s a hint of redness around her iris.

 

“It’s Matt!” She says resting her back on the backrest and looks out of the window while crossing her hands over her chest. “I don’t know, Lou, but something’s not right.”

 

“What do you mean?” I lean forward to the table.

 

She looks at me shaking her head and biting her lips, “He has been coming home late every day, and as soon as he reaches home he constantly keeps texting someone back and forth. I’m worried, Lou. I don’t know what to think of it!”

 

This is bad, so bad. I’m gonna kill Matt with my own two hands if I saw him. “Lots! I’m sorry. Have you tried to find out who he must be texting or why he’s coming home late? Maybe it’s the new project?”

 

“You know, we went away for the weekend and I thought it would be all good and everything will be back to normal. But no he was texting constantly there as well. His teammates were there as well with us. Both of us hardly had any time with each other alone. It seemed like Matt’s avoiding me,” she chokes.

 

I’m totally going to wring his neck. How dare he made my sister cry? “Lots!” I don’t know what to say. “Listen, if he is doing what I’m hoping he isn’t,” I swallow my bile. God this is so difficult. “Will you walk away from him?”

 

“I’ll dump his ass if he is cheating on me,” she says firmly. A tear falls from her eyes. “I just don’t want him to cheat on me. I want him to love me, have a future with me. Live the life we dreamt of all these years.” A sob leaves her. My heart pains looking at her like this. Lottie has never been the person who cried easily. Love makes you vulnerable.

 

“What have I done wrong, Lou! Is it because I haven’t been able to spend time with him since the launch is nearing. What is it?”

 

I’m immediately by her side holding her in my arms. “Lots! You should never ever be sorry for putting your career first. You don’t have to blame yourself for anything, if he is cheating then he isn’t a man enough to stand by the women who need his support when she is on the crucial point of her career. You are strong, Lots! So strong.”

 

She nods in acceptance.

 

“A man should never be the reason for you to stop shining.” I kiss her forehead.

 

She calms down after a while. I try to feed her Caesar salad but she gives up after two bites. I can’t see her like this. To cheer her up I come with an idea.

 

“Maybe we should go to the place we loved going to as kids,” I suggest.

 

“Trafalgar Square?” A look of confusion clouds her face.

 

I nod.

 

It’s been a long time since we both came here together. As kids, mum used to take us there once a month, and Lots and I would sit with a lolly or soda and look at the world around us. It fascinated us to see people from different countries there. Sometimes people would come to us and ask to take their picture or sometimes people would ask us hesitantly about a restaurant or something. We loved helping them. It taught us how important it is to help people regardless where they are from. Sometimes it would take us a while to understand their accent or them understanding ours, but we loved helping them, looking at them, having a memory of them knowing that we’ll never see them again. Every time a stranger thanked us by saying, “Bless you, children!” Lottie and I would giggle and feel immensely happy. I guess we have even heard a few times, when strangers walked up to our mum and told her “They are fine kids, you are raising them so well.” The happiness and proudness that was there on mum’s face made us both so happy.

 

“I haven’t been here for ages, I pass this area quite regularly, but never have time to stop by,” Lottie says swaying her blue candy floss in her hand.

 

It’s crowded today as well, but none the less, this place feels close to home.

 

“Same here, Lots!” I lick my ice cream held in one hand while Lottie’s stilettos in another. “Still feels the same though!”

 

“Minus the pigeons,” she adds.

 

“We used to bring seeds with us to feed them. Remember once we ran out of bird seeds at home and mum told us that we can’t feed the birds that day, you were so upset.” I smile remembering it. Lottie didn’t complain too much but was teary-eyed throughout the way.

 

“And you brought the seeds from the seller here from your pocket money, only to make me happy,” she says looking at me. We walk towards the fountain and sit on the wall.

 

“You were sad all day and I missed seeing you smile,” I tell her. My ice cream is melting, I should finish it quickly.

 

She links her arms with mine and lays her head on my shoulder. “You have always looked at me.”

 

“That’s my job as your brother and I love doing it.”

 

We both eat our ice cream and candy floss in comfortable silence, watching the world around us. There’s so much going on here but one thing is common, everyone’s enjoying their time.

 

“That designer, Victoria! She called me yesterday,” Lottie says. “She told me that you have asked her to design an exclusive one- of- a- kind wedding dress for me.” A faint smile crosses her face.

 

“Yes! I had to. I thought an exclusive one would interest you.” I tell her.

 

“You also asked her to design it with pearls and crystals,” there’s a faint glimmer in her eyes. I can tell she’s excited about it.

 

“Listen, my sister is not walking down the aisle in just another dress. She is going to wear the most beautiful and delicate dress made just for her. And, you like pearls.” I tell her.

 

A tear makes way to her eyes, “What if I never get to wear it!”

 

“Why are you thinking like that. Darling! You deserve all good things that life can offer and that includes: a man, and a wedding dress as well. We’ll find out about Matt.”

 

“I should talk to him,” she says.

 

“He’ll lie to you. Maybe catch him red-handed, and then demand an answer. That way he cannot come up with a proper lie and you’ll know what to do.” This seems like a better option to me right now.

 

She takes a deep breath and nods. Standing up she says, “I must go back, I have so much to do!”

 

“Want me to drop you at your office?” I offer, we can spend some more time together.

 

“Nah! I feel much better now. I can drive.” She takes her shoes from me.

 

I give her a tight hug, “Call me if there’s anything or just call me if you are bored.”

 

She chuckles, “I know. Love you. Bye!”

 

*

 

Harry is typing something on his computer as I enter our room after a warm shower. I couldn’t keep Lottie’s sad face away from my mind all day. No matter how much I try to avoid thinking about her or her situation, her face came up to my mind. I just hate seeing her like this. I feel so helpless that I can’t do anything to make it better for her. And it’s just not settling down with me.

 

I have smoked half a packet of cigarettes since morning and I smelled so bad, even Cliff walked away from me. I thought a shower would help me clear my head, but it hasn’t. Maybe I can talk to Harry about it. Maybe, this time he’ll not say that I’m overthinking.

 

I climb into our bed and sit with my book next to Harry. Thankfully, Cliff didn’t turn away from me, sitting near Harry’s feet. Harry seems busy, should I disturb him now?

 

“I wanna tell you something,” Harry turns his head to look at me.

 

I nod and pick up my glass of water from the bedside and drink it down. If he has to talk about something, it must be important.

 

“You know about the company I am about to acquire, right? We start the paperwork from next week,” He says excitedly. I can see the glow on his face as he speaks. For the first time today, I feel a happy feeling.

 

“That’s amazing, Haz! Congratulation,” I lean forward to kiss him.

 

“I can’t wait for them to join the family. I mean, they are such talented and creative people, Lou, I just hope all the paperwork will be done soon-” Harry is smiling so wide, it makes me smile.

 

“I can’t wait too, Haz! But tell me something, aren’t they in huge debt or something, why are you trying to acquire them when they aren’t exactly sharp on doing business,”

 

“Lou! Not everything's about money. Yes, they are in debt and can barely pay their own staff, but they are a talented bunch of people. Their products and apps are so fine and flawless. That’s their plus point. They were partners with someone who took away all his shares when one of their products failed, landing them in trouble. But, Lou, I’m acquiring the talent, I can keep their past business arrangements at bay. I don’t really care about any of it unless it were to affect me,” Harry explains.

 

It makes so much sense when he puts it this way. I can’t agree more, it’s the talent he is paying for and if it’s a good one, then it’s a fine deal.

 

“Yeah! I understand it now. When will paperwork complete?”

 

He closes his laptop and keeps it aside, “Hopefully in two to three weeks but it can take some more time as well. I hope there isn’t any issue with the paperwork.”

 

Paperworks are such a pain in the ass and official ones are even more.

 

“So happy for you! I can’t wait to meet them. We can invite them over for dinner,” I suggest. It’ll be nice. A relaxing evening making new friends.

 

“I was thinking that after everything is done I could invite them to dinner at any restaurant. I don’t feel like inviting them to our home just now. It’s too soon,” Harry says. He is always hesitant about inviting his work associates to home, only because he thinks it’ll be like inviting them to our personal space. Unlike me, Harry isn’t too open to inviting every other person our home.

 

“That’s a great idea. I’ll make arrangements for private dinner and an amazing menu with world-class wine. They’ll love it.” That’s my specialty. I take care of all his business parties and dinners. Harry can’t care to think much about them so I do it. And this time with so much free time in my hand, I can make sure it is perfect. “Just let me know where you want to give them dinner.”

 

“Yeah will do. Thanks, babe!”

 

I smile and we talk for another hour before falling asleep. I thought it would be better to not bring up Lottie and stress out Harry. This evening is for him and his celebration, we can discuss everything later.

 

*

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

 

They are still discussing. God! How long are they going to stay in Harry’s home office and work on this new project? Liam was approached by an NGO last week and they have asked him to design a seamless app and website which will let them feed the homeless children. They want people to not throw away their leftover but let them know about it, so they can use it to feed the kids. I liked their thought and it’ll be amazing if the leftover food can help to feed a kid in need. Hence, Liam approached Harry and asked him to work with him on this.

 

They have been in Harry’s home office all day, working on it, drawing charts and diagrams on the whiteboard. I don’t understand all the brainstorming of codes and stuff. They keep using words like PHP, Scala, Java, Python, and some other very aggressive sounding words. If I didn’t know better, I would think they were making bombs. To me, understanding these codes are like doing some FBI shit. Back in high school, all my friends decided to learn a new computer language, and under the peer pressure I signed up for it too. We were taught to design web pages in HTML. It was all good till they asked us to change the background color of the background. The minute they started teaching us to add buttons and shit to the page, I called it quits. It was all too much for my pretty brain.

 

Anyway, time to drag them out for our Saturday night clubbing. I knock once before opening the door. Before I see them, I see so many empty bottles of water, empty packets of chips and cigarettes, a few empty bottles of beer, all littered everywhere on the floor. They haven’t had lunch today, I’m sure neither of them realizes what time is it.

 

“Guys, come on! Enough for today. Let’s go out, enjoy the Saturday.”

 

Liam stops writing whatever he was writing on the whiteboard. That whiteboard doesn't have an inch of space left, there’s so much written and drawn on it with colorful markers. Harry looks up at me from his computer.

 

“It’s after 7 in the evening, guys. You both have been on it for more than 10 hours.” I hope they’ll listen to me but the look on their faces or body language doesn’t give me any indication that they will leave the room.

 

“We are about to wrap this up. Give us an hour or so,” Harry says turning his attention back to his computer.

 

I look at Liam hopefully but even doesn’t agrees with me.

 

“You can continue tomorrow!” I suggest.

 

“My mum and dad are coming down to see me and Zayn, so we have to finish this today so we can form a team for it on Monday,” Liam says.

 

I give up. No matter what I’ll say now they won’t stop their work and if I persuade them any further there are chances they will get irritated and I definitely don’t want Harry to shoot me a get-out-of-my-office-and-let-me-work look.

 

“Fine! But try to join us after you’ve both finished with it.” And with that, I close the door and head towards the club.

 

*

 

All I see right now is colorful neon lights and hands in the air. I love partying so much, but I don’t like these neon lights. They are haunting. The club is raving with loud music and people and we are separated from the crowd by a glass window and a floor. I’m down three drinks and can’t wait to go to the dance floor. My two dear friends are just lounging on the sofa of the VIP area and refuse to join me.

 

“Niall, let’s go!” I beg, again. He is lying with his feet propped up on the lounge and a drink in his hand.

 

“Lou! Just sit your ass down and have another drink,” he passes me another bottle of Stella Artois.

 

“Zayn!” I look at him hopefully. I even bat my eyelashes at him.

 

He sighs loudly, takes a huge drag of his cigar and passes it to me.

 

“If you both wanted to stay on the couch, maybe you both should’ve stayed at home,” I say loudly. So done with them. They are so useless, won’t even enjoy with me. I feel stuck here. I bang my head on the window dramatically. Even a pity from them to come with me to the floor will do at this point.

 

“What does he want, Zayn? Why is he shouting?” Niall asks turning to Zayn.

 

“He isn’t shouting, you are just drunk! And he wants to dance.” Zayn explains him softly while sweeping aside his pink colored fringe. He has a fetish for coloring his hairs. Apart from blue, I think he has possibly tried every color on earth. And somehow all the colors suit him. He just can’t choose which blue to color his hair with. I always vote for cool blue while other ask him to go for other variants of blue.

 

He gets up from his couch and joins me by the glass window. I hand him his cigar back and prop my hands on the glass, very dramatically.

 

“Is that Matt?” Zayn says as he walks into the club. We have a very clear view of the club door. In fact, we have a very clear view of the entire club.

 

Lottie didn’t tell me about them coming here when I talked to her this afternoon. Maybe it was their last minute decision. I don’t see Lottie with Matt but I see the same girl Matt has been hanging out with, entering the club. I feel numb to my bones looking at it when Matt wraps his arms around her shoulder. WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?

 

“Who’s that with him?” Zayn asks.

 

“Why don’t you ask him!” I’m literally pissed off right now. I take out my phone and quickly dial Lottie’s number. My patience thinning with every ring. She picks up after three rings. “What took you so long!” I fire at her as soon as she says ‘Hey, Lou!’

 

“Whoa! Relax bro, wanna tell me first what happened?”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“I’m on my way to meet my friends for dinner. Why?” She sounds curious now.

 

“Matt is where I’m right now and he is with her again,” I say quickly. Zayn turns to look at me, all confused.

 

She screams and then says, “I’m coming there.”

 

Disconnecting the call I try to find Matt in the crowd below us again. The girl’s fluorescent orange jacket helps in spotting them quickly. For fuck’s sake who even wears a fluorescent orange jacket. People like this are the reason fashion suffers endlessly. There are so many pretty colors out there and she chose this. I can’t even look at it without feeling nauseous.

 

“Something we should know?” Zayn asks, still looking very confused. Even Niall has his attention on me now.

 

I explain everything to them, from beginning to the end. How we first saw them both together and how he lied to me. I even told them that Lottie doesn’t know anything about her and about Matt’s constant texting. They both listen to me patiently, word by word and then go back to their loungers casually.

 

“You both are overthinking,” Zayn says puffing out a cloud of smoke.

 

“Yeah! Why not just ask him directly,” Niall says.

 

Don’t they get it, haven’t they heard a single word I said? “He has been hanging out with a girl for two weeks and Lottie doesn't know anything about her. Isn’t it even a bit suspicious for you guys! And there are chances he’ll lie if we ask him about her. Hence Lots is coming here.”

 

“And do what?” Zayn asks. “You both have made up your mind without asking him once about it. Don’t think that anything else will convince you both.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Lou! Lottie is about to get married in four months,” There’s so much seriousness in his face as he looks at me. “Don’t think about anything foolish or plant an idea in her head. What you are thinking can have adverse consequences.”

 

“It will be worse if I overlook it and he does something after they get married. If something worse is about to happen, let it be four months before the wedding.” I say sternly.

 

At the back of my head, I have this nagging feeling. A feeling that tells me Zayn is right. But the mature part of my brain tells me what I’m doing is right. It’s about my sister. It’s about her future. And I’m not taking chances or leaving anything for her to handle alone. I know how important it is to give person a benefit of doubt. I would have given it if I wouldn’t have had to see him with her three times in two weeks.

 

The ringing of my phone draws my attention. It’s Lottie calling. “Lou! Where are you?”

 

“First floor, VIP area,” I inform her as I look for her in the club below.

 

It doesn’t take me much time to spot a pink haired doll wearing little black dress and Adidas trainers, making her way through the crowd and climbing up the stairs hastily. Zayn asks his security to let her in the room where we are in.

 

“Where is he?” She asks as soon as she storms into the room and comes to stand next to me.

 

“Lots! Relax, take a deep breath,” Niall says from bar counter, filling up the shot glasses. “What we see is often not what it seems.” He says is so cooly and serenely that my mouth hangs open.

 

“Niall, no one is going behind your back or hiding things from you. Things are often easy said than done, as well!” Count on her to shut up everyone in the room. She takes a long deep breath, “Besides, I had a day full of things going against me or not coming out the way I wanted, so better not to fuck with me right now. I’m so pissed off.”

 

I wrap my arm around her, she is even cold to touch. “Have some water!” I pass her the bottle of water sitting on the table next to Zayn.

 

Lottie is looking through the glass for Matt. I hold back the information of easier way of spotting them. Worry is written all over her face. I just wish I could make this situation easier for her. How I wish this wasn’t even the situation at all.

 

“There they are,” her index finger touches the glass and her eyes glues at them. Her shoulders sag in helplessness just like my heart. Matt is sitting with her on the table near the dance floor.

 

Maybe... Just maybe we can give him a chance. Maybe if he sees Lottie with someone else he will feel bad and realize how much he loves her and how much she means to her. Jealousy works most of the time. An idea crops up in my head quickly.

 

“Zayn, can you go and dance with Lots to make Matt jealous?” I hope he agrees. Seeing the love of your life happy with someone else’s company makes anyone realize they should be the ones making them happy.

 

“Nope! I’m not getting involved in whatever you both are up to,” He shrugs.

 

“What good for a friend you are!” He can choke on the drag of his cigar for all I care.

 

“Lou! I’m paid to be here, to promote this club. I’ll help myself to free alcohol, go on the floor for a minute so some chicks can take a snap or picture of me and post it on social media and then I’m going straight back home and sleep my way till the afternoon tomorrow.” He raises his glass to me.

 

“Isn’t Liam’s parents coming tomorrow?”

 

‘They won’t be home till lunch. Liam will wake me up when they reach the driveway, see I’ll be up by the time they enter our home.” He is so relaxed about it. All of it. Neither of them cares about me or her.

 

“I’ll go to the floor anyways,” Lottie turn to look at me. Her eyes fall on the shot glasses. Before I can say anything, she takes four shots in a row and storms her way out of the room.

 

“Oh no! That’s bad,” Niall says. We both look at each other and quickly dart towards the door and try to find her.

 

Damn, she is fast! Where did she go? We were just a second behind her. All the comfort I had knowing she is hard to miss is all gone. I can’t spot her anywhere. We make our way down the stairs. It is so crowded, how did she get away so quickly. I look around for her on the dance floor but of course, I can’t find her. Something tells me she’ll be where Matt was.

 

Before I can make a move towards him, Niall grabs my arms and drags me in the opposite direction. “Niall! What are you doing?” He doesn’t answer but keeps pulling me behind him through the people dancing on the floor.

 

Finally, we reach the middle of the floor and I see Lottie with some guy I’ve never seen in my life. His hands are on her hips and she has her arms around him. What is she doing? Who is he? My eyes fall on Matt standing not far from her with the girl. He is looking at her in shock. Lottie moves her hips and turns around so her back is facing from the guy. The guy is definitely enjoying this. Another guy joins her from the front and she throws her hands in the air.

 

I pull her towards me, “What the fuck, Lots!” I might be borderline pissed off at her now.

 

“You were hoping I would dance on the floor with someone,” she says. She seems drunk to me now. Did she take some more shots on the way here?

 

“Not like this. This is ridiculous.”

 

Suddenly the volume of the music in the club goes down, “Do you know what else is ridiculous, your man going behind your back with a mediocre girl,” she says loudly. I’m sure Matt heard her clearly even though there is someone speaking through the speakers. She breaks free from me and goes back to dance with the guys.

 

I look at Matt who starts to leave and there’s a low chatter around us. Everyone is looking at the girl who is dancing audaciously with two guys with wrong intentions written on their faces. She takes another shot from the guy and throws it back.

 

That’s enough! I walk to Lottie, throw her back on my shoulder and walk out of the club.

 

“This is the last time you did something like this,” I warn her as we stand outside the club. Her face is smeared with mascara and her nose is runny. She can’t even stand properly. I hate looking at her like this.

 

“I have been good all these years, been the classy girl, achieved success, been supportive, and guess what still my man cheated on me.” she breaks into sobs. “He was hugging her, Lou! Her.. it should have been me in place of her. It was always Matt and me, it should have been like that forever. Do you know I don’t even remember when was the last time Matt and I hugged.”

 

“I’m sorry, Lots!”

 

She walks away from me, I quietly follow her. She snatches a bottle of whiskey from the guys sitting on the pavement and ignores the protest. The group leaves her alone, looking at her condition. She walks few more steps, drinking from the bottle before she slumps down by the lamppost. I sit next to her and take her in my arms. She doesn't stop crying for I don’t know how long.

 

Niall appears next to me with a bottle of water and few tissue papers. He squats down and says, “Lots!” He is careful with his words, “Yes, I don’t have anyone going behind my back and all that, but I have seen your love, I have seen how much you both care for each other. And I know Matt. He won’t do anything like this.”

 

“We’re not blind, Niall!’ I say.

 

“Love and anger are!” He hands me the bottle and leaves. I look at him till I can’t see him anymore, his words echoing in my head.

 

*

 

Harry hands her a warm cup of chamomile tea and props the cushion of the couch. I brought Lottie home with me, she didn’t feel like going back to her and Matt’s place and she definitely did not want to go to mum’s at this time. She stopped crying on the way back home but barely said a word. As soon as we entered home, she walked into the living room and lay down there.

 

Harry was still in his office when we came back, even after Liam left. I told him everything and he immediately said he’ll get her some tea.

 

Sitting up, she warms her cold hands with the mug, barely being with us. Harry sits next to her and for the first time in a while, she says a word, “I don’t know what to do, Harry!”

 

Harry takes a deep breath and soothes back, “Maybe now, you should talk to him.”

 

“And talk about what?”

 

“Things that are going inside your head. Clear them out.” Harry gauges her reaction. He is looking carefully at her, the way he does when he tries to make me see some sense.

 

She chuckles, leans her head back on the couch and stares blankly at the ceiling. I can tell there’s so much going inside her head, she isn’t a difficult person to read. I haven’t ever seen her like this, this clueless, this forlorn. Lottie is a people’s person, everyone adores her. When things used to get too much for her to handle she would go back to Matt and somehow everything around her will magically work. If not work, then she found a way out of the situation. Right now she can’t go back to Matt, she doesn’t want to.

 

I don’t know how to make it easier for her. Like her I’m clueless.

 

“Let’s get you to bed, Lots!” Maybe if she slept it off, she would figure out what to do. She nods and I take her to one of the guest room.

 

Tucking her inside the cover, I kiss her forehead. “Let me know if you need something.”

 

She grabs my hand and quietly says, “Don’t go, Lou! I can’t sleep alone.” I nod in agreement and type out a quick message to Harry that I won’t be coming back to our room. Lottie lays her head on my shoulder as I get inside the cover. I hum her a tune of the lullaby that mum sang to us when we were kids. Exhaustion catches up with her and she falls asleep pretty quickly.

 

*

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 


	6. Chapter 6

 

Take a deep breath. Take another deep breath. Keep doing it.

 

I keep telling myself to keep calm and act like this is no big deal. But this is a motherfucking big deal. I’m standing right outside the V.E.R.S.A.C.E office and the only thing separating me and the design studio is the glass door. And probably a reception area, and some passage and some other rooms. But whatever! Zayn’s manager, Paul, asked me to come to this floor, so I did. He’ll lead me further. Speaking of Paul, he is walking towards me.

 

“Hey, Louis! Come on in,” Paul shakes my hand and I give him a smile.

 

Oh my God! I’m so nervous and excited, it feels like my stomach will fall out of my arse now. I feel lightheaded at the same time I feel like I have this huge ball of something heavy on my chest. My hands are sweaty and my feets have a sensation in them.

 

As we enter inside and walk past the reception area of the office and down the corridor, nothing has changed. I still feel dizzy. I wish Harry was here with me, I would have been less nervous. We have been texting back and forth for the last 45 minutes. I was so nervous, I couldn’t even eat breakfast properly. I couldn’t bring myself to eat. I feel sick, I think I should go to the washroom and take a minute to gather myself. I will combust like this.

 

“Hey, Paul!” He turns to look at me. His round glasses sliding off his nose. The soft yellow light of the corridor makes his bald head shine, or better I should say, it makes his head illuminate. I have never seen a shiny head like that in my life. “Mind if I use washroom for a minute?”

 

“No problem,” he smiles. “It’s down to the right,” He points in the direction. “And to the left is the studio. It’s just that there, partitioned with glass, you’ll be able to spot it easily.”

 

“Thanks, man!”

  


Harry must be in a meeting, I’m not calling him right now. I sit down on one of the couch near the window, pull my knees to my chest and put my head between my knees. My ear is ringing now, great! That was the only thing left. I totally feel sick now. Some cold water will probably help my nerves.

 

“Oh fuck, Lou!” Zayn’s voice startles me as he enters the washroom. I raise my head to see him and smile a faint smile to greet him.

 

“Why can’t you just say ‘Hi, Lou’? Why do think greeting me with expletives is a good idea?” I say leaning back on the couch. “Get me some water.”

 

He shakes his head and walks towards me, “What are you doing here?”

 

“I’m so nervous Zayn! I feel like I will explode now.”

 

He looks at me blankly, “Why are you nervous? You aren’t getting testified in the court for a murder charge.” He says like it is so ridiculous to me to feel nervous.

 

“Listen! This is a huge opportunity for me and I don’t want anything to go wrong. I just-”

 

He hands me his liquor flask, which I don’t know where he produced from. I’m not sure if he walked inside with this in his hand. I gladly take it a take a huge gulp. Ouch, it burns! Zayn lights his cigarette as he sits next to me.

 

“Why are you drinking scotch this early,” It’s only 10 in the morning.

 

“I have been in the studio all night so I’m not exactly in a position to play human right now. Scotch helps,” he smiles a wicked smile and takes the flask from me. I take the cigarette from him and we sit there quietly smoking and having a scotch.

 

After two cigarettes and almost finishing the flask we stand up to leave. I do feel better now. I don’t know what it was that worked to ease me up, smoke, drink, or the presence of my best friend. But whatever it was I feel much more in control now.

 

On our way out, I check my reflection in the full-length mirror. Lottie and I went shopping yesterday. It took her mind off for whatever happened with Matt, and I needed to buy clothes to wear today. I was in a crisis mode, I couldn’t figure out what to wear. I bought so many clothes yesterday that while I was getting ready this morning, our wardrobe looked like it has been hit by a clothes tornado. There were clothes everywhere. I wanted to look businesslike, but not too businesslike. Like, I wanted them to think that I know what I’m doing at the same time I wanted them to think I’m a carefree person. I thought of wearing a suede leather Versace jacket. But then I dropped the idea thinking they will think I’m trying to impress them wearing Versace and I did not want them to think anything like this. So, after an hour of consideration and so, I settled for a deep blue Burberry bomber jacket, a full sleeve off-white and black striped Armani t-shirt, and a faded blue Valentino jeans with Gucci bee sneakers. I kept my hair in a quiff. Everything’s in the place apart from my hair. I give up, I’m not trying to fix any strand of my silky smooth hair. I look good. Jacket brings out my eyes, which I love the most.

 

“Yeah, you look good. Now shall we!” Zayn gestures towards the door. I notice that he is wearing Stone Roses t-shirt, which used to be mine till he pinched it from my closet. I also notice he is still wearing his sweatpants. Well, I can’t blame him, after spending all night working even I would be least bothered with what I’m wearing.

  
  


The studio is everything I ever imagined. No, in fact, it is million times better than that. There are beams running the length of the ceiling. Lamps are hanging from them. On the wall, there are two blank spaces. One painted white with a floral outline, other painted black. It seems the frame of portraits. There are chairs of various colors red, mustard, black, green, in the room which look so good against the white walls and wooden floor. The room has walls on three sides, one side has a glass wall. There’s a huge table on the corner of the room, few clothes are hanging on the railing. The entire room has a minimal design but very impressive.

 

While I’m looking around in the room, Donatella Versace enters the room with her entire entourage behind her. My mouth hangs open looking at her. I mean I have a legend in front of me. I’ve met her a few times in fashion shows, but it was never more than us shaking hand and me congratulating her for the collection.

 

I feel nervous again. She is a polite person but never puts up with bullshit. She literally has fired people on spot from the job if they failed to give her a flattering design for the collection. You definitely don’t want to fuck with her, mess with her, or waste her time. She’ll kick your arse to the moon.

 

While Zayn and her are exchanging pleasantries, I’m frozen in my spot unable to move or even say something. I think I’ve lost my voice. One person from Zayn’s team hands another member of Donatella’s team a goodie basket as a thank you for the opportunity. I’m sure Zayn doesn’t even know what’s inside the goodie basket.

 

“Come here, Lou!” Zayn calls me. I take a deep breath and slowly walk towards them. My heart is beating so fast, I swear I can feel it in my throat. “This is Louis, he’ll be helping me brainstorm the collection.”

 

“Ma’am, nice meeting you.” I have gathered so much energy to say this and ask for a handshake.

 

The second she politely takes my hand in hers, I feel a jolt of current passing through me. With her head held proudly, she says, “Nice meeting you too.”

 

We walk towards the chairs while Zayn and her keep talking about something. I wait till everyone important has been seated. Zayn saves me one next to him and gestures me to join him there. We are immediately given a pen, pencil, and a blank sketchpad. Zayn throws one leg over another and writes his name on the pad. He even underlines it. This kid, I tell you!

 

“I just want the design to be a true reflection of my personality,” he says continuing his conversation with Donatella.

 

“I understand that. You have a distinct style. Very rugged and bold.” She says. “I think leather and tie-ups should be your primary focus of the collection.”

 

“Yes! I love leather. Dark colors, bold buttons, simple patterns yet something that stands apart in the room,” Zayn says.

 

I suddenly have an idea, “Zayn, you can draw some pattern or design that will be in the collection. If you want it to be a personal experience, put something out there that you design on your own. You are a good artist and you know how to draw. Draw the designs yourself. No one can come up with designs that will be a reflection of you, but you.”

 

Suddenly I feel all eyes in the room on me. I swallow my bile. Shit! I think I interrupted their discussion and I’m going to be kicked out of the room for the offense. I can’t breathe. All the nervous feeling I had in my stomach a while back, comes back. I need to learn when to shut up. I mean, I must-

 

“That’s a brilliant idea,” Donatella sounds so happy, there’s a sudden glow on her face with a huge smile. “He is right Zayn, you must design yourself. That way you can reach more people.”

 

Zayn smiles looking at me, “I would love to.” He quietly says, “Thanks.”

 

I feel like I might cry out of happiness. The legend, the one who runs the fashion industry liked my idea. MY IDEA. Oh gosh! If this is a dream don’t ever wake me up. I don’t want this moment to end.

 

I ease up as time passes and we keep discussing. Both Zayn and Donatella involve me in the discussion and I give my opinions. They agree with most. All the nervousness I had is gone by the time we wrap up and I can’t wait to meet up again and work together. I’m on cloud nine. I can’t wait to tell all of this to Harry. He would be so happy to hear all of this.

 

This is the best day ever.

 

*

 

I pull the chair of the table, sit down and pour myself a cup of tea. Harry is busy reading his newspaper. He came home late last night and he is already ready to leave while I just got out of bed. He didn’t even ask me how was my first day with Versace.

 

“My lenses went down the drain. How am I gonna see all day?” I whine. Not that I’m blind but I find it difficult to see objects at distance clearly.

 

Harry sighs loudly and gets up from his chair. How dare he? It’s too early for me to have anyone sigh so loudly at me. He walks to table against the wall and pull its drawer. He comes back with glasses in his hand.

 

“Here are your glasses!” He puts them next to my hand.

 

“I own glasses?” New revelation. I did not know this.

 

“You have a pair of glasses in every room of this house, only because you keep losing your lenses quite regularly.”

 

“I own more than one pair of glasses!” Such a surprise. When did I get them made? Oh yeah, last year after I lost all my lenses and had to be blind for two days.

 

“And you don’t even wear them,” he picks the knife and starts buttering a walnut- raisin bread.

 

“Yeah, ‘cos they make me look like you.”

 

“What do you mean?” He pauses buttering and looks at me with a frown on his face. “You already look like me. You cannot even tell the difference between you and me if you see our picture, remember?” I do remember, it was when we went on a trip a few years back. Someone took Harry’s pic from behind and I actually couldn’t tell the difference.

 

“It was because I wasn’t wearing my lenses,” I counter. “I was half blind!”

 

He narrows his eyes at me. Why is he so grumpy this morning?

 

“This is what happens when I don’t wear lenses, I get confused,” I say politely.

 

He shakes his head, puts the bread on my plate and continues reading the newspaper. See, reading the newspaper in the morning can make anyone grumpy. It’s not like the front page has only good news on it. I take a deep breath and fire my iPad and start scrolling down my Pinterest.

 

After a while, Harry asks “What are you looking at?”

 

“Oh! I am looking for designs?”

 

“For the collection?”

 

“No! For my studio,” I say pinning one of the designs to my board.

 

“Umm... What!” Harry folds his newspaper. Shit! Did I forget to tell him? Yup!

 

“You see I have thought of converting one of the rooms of the house into the studio for my pottery stuff and you can launch me a website and -”

 

“Holdddd on! Repeat it... slowly.”

 

I have a feeling he is throwing me a warning. Uh! I forgot the first rule of the how-to-keep-your-marriage-a-happy-marriage rulebook. Never dump anything on your spouse when he is moody or grumpy.

 

I clear my throat, ”I was thinking that when I’ll take up pottery-”

 

“When did you exactly think of taking up pottery?”

 

“When I saw those clay pots at my mum’s place. Anyways, and I feel like maybe it is my calling and that we should convert one room of this house for my studio-”

 

“No one is converting any room of this house into anything, Lou!” He says.

 

“But what about my dreams. Don’t you want me to follow them?” I’m getting annoyed now. If he is in a bad mood he shouldn’t take it out on me. He can instead talk to me about it. “I have already registered for pottery classes. They start next week and I want to be prepared for practicing it at home.”

 

“Lou, you won’t even make it to the third class.” He says confidently.

 

“And you are saying this because you didn’t, back when you took it.”

 

“Your hands will get dirty and that’s the last thing on this planet you would want. You won’t even help me in planting flowers in the gallery just because you didn’t want to ruin your manicured nails.”

 

“That’s why I have a cactus at the window sill of our bathroom,” I remind him. “And dealing with soil and clay is different.” I might have just made that up, but I know I’ll love making clay pots.

 

Harry stands up, still looking at me, “Fine! If you make it until the end of 10 pottery classes, I’ll renovate one room as your studio.”

 

I walk towards the couch and pick his blazer, “Ten!”

 

“Yes! Ten!” He slips his hands into the blazer and fixes its lapels.

 

Ten is too easy. I’ll make them like a pro. And then he’ll have to convert one room for me. We could have done it the easy way, but he had to be stubborn about it. Huh! Moody husband!

 

Suddenly his phone rings and he listens to the person on the line for a second and then start firing at the person. Ok! So the grumpiness is because of the work. That’s totally his problem.

 

*

  


“Louis, he hasn’t called me! Not even once. I haven’t been to our place in three days and he hasn’t even called in to check if I am alive or not.” Lottie wipes the tears from her face.

 

She is in a bad condition. Her hairs are a mess, her pretty face is all dull and lifeless. She isn’t drinking much water but raiding on mum’s wine cabinet. She came back to mum’s after our shopping binge on Sunday and has been here for two days now. I’m very appalled that he hasn’t called even once. I mean he cared about her, at least he used to. How did he just stop caring for her? Why did he stop?

 

“I’m sorry, Lots! Want me to ask him about it?” By talking I mean knocking his head into a wall.

 

“No Lou, if he cared, he would have.” She chuckles and looks at the wall blankly in front. After a while, she continues. “Anyways, I have decided to make it easier for him. I broke up with him before you came here. I sent the ring back to him with a mutual friend. If he decides to man up one day, he’ll call.”

 

My eyes widen at the revelation. I look at her ring finger and the big beautiful ring that graced her hand is gone. She really broke up with him. I don’t know what to say to her? I can only think of the hell I can unleash on Matt. I have no idea how I can make it easier for her.

 

“Where’s mum?” I suddenly realize the absence of our mother in her house.

 

“She went to potluck lunch with her friends. She made some Yorkshire pudding, it’s in the oven if you want.” She ties her hair in a messy bun.

 

“Does she know about you breaking up with him?”

 

“No! I told her about him going behind my back. I thought I should break up with him when I’m alone. I needed to do it alone.”

 

“What did she say?” She would be mad at Lottie for breaking off with Matt.

 

“She asked me to talk to him. But Lou, he never called me. Like he didn’t care about me. It was enough for me to take the hint.”

 

I nod. Maybe, it is best for Lottie. Maybe she is best without him.

 

I take a deep breath and say, “Alright, let’s go out and grab lunch.” In baggy clothes, messy bun, pale skin, she looks ill. I can’t see her like this.

 

She groans in protest, “No, I don’t feel like it.”

 

“You will, come on! I’m hungry and I know what exactly will make you hungry.” I pull her hand to get her off the couch. “There’s a food fest going and then we are going to see The London Eye or maybe we can take a ride in the Thames. Our yacht is literally tied there for months without being used. Ah! We can have a little picnic in the there. All burgers and wine! You’ll love it.”

 

It’s a sunny day, she’ll take a break and it will clear her head. Reluctantly she agrees and gets up from the couch.

 

Harry brought our yacht five years back and one of his prime reason for buying it was because I love everything nautical related. I mean, I love boats.

 

Back when I was a kid, I wanted to be a sailor. I watched hell lot of ‘Popeye the sailor’ and I ate too much spinach thinking it will give me power and strength and one day I will have a lovely girl beside me like Olive Oyl. But that was all before I came to terms with my gayness. I came out to my mom at - wait, I never actually came out to my mom, she always knew I was into guys even when I was dating girls. Maybe because I used to tell her more about the guys at school and football practice than the cheerleaders. I was always unashamed of who I was, I still am. I blatantly accept all the colors of my rainbow. On my 18th birthday, there were two cakes- one had _‘Happy birthday Louis’_ written on it and another one had _‘I am gay, watcha gonna do’_ written on it. Few people whom I thought were my friends tried to make fun of me but I sassed them properly and they left the party. Only 6-7 people who actually cared for me stayed back and we had the party of our lives. I mean, we had two cakes, so much beer and food with us.

 

I never knew Harry was going to buy a yacht. For one of our monthly date, he took me to a yacht which I thought maybe he rented it. I told him what a lovely evening it is and that he didn’t have to rent it. It was then he told me didn’t rent it, he bought. I totally forgot to breathe in that moment. And then, he did the most unexpected thing. He got down on his knees and proposed me. I said yes, and thought I was gonna pass out of happiness. But then Harry swooped in for a kiss and saved me. There were fireworks all over that night. Oh God! That was the best night ever.  

 

Three months later, I proposed Harry on a beach when we were on a holiday in Miami. I was planning to propose him for so long. I wasn’t ready to let go off my perfect proposal. I wanted to have my moment too.

 

Harry and I still go on our dates in our yacht every few months or so.

 

*  


 

I pick up a metal button from the box and try it on the black leather jacket draped on a dummy. It doesn’t look nice enough, so I put it back. Zayn gave a rough idea of what should be the design of the leather jacket. Today, when we came, there were few jacket and clothes roughly designed the way Zayn wanted them to. We have to decide on the buttons and zippers, make sure if this is the kind of material he wants, propose some alteration to the design. We decided to start with jackets since they are the ones that will take most of the time.

 

Zayn is designing his logo for his collab with the graphic designer, and Niall is eating the warm scones laid on the table for us with some macarons, tea, mini sandwiches. I roll my eyes at him as he takes another bite standing in front of me. Uh! It looks so good, I want one. But the head designer is here as well and I’m not eating while I’m working on this jacket right now, for the sake of professionalism.

 

I pick a silver button from the box and try it on the lapel of the jacket. Hmm… it looks nice. I mean it’s size goes perfectly with the look we are aiming for. I put another three on the jacket, two on each lapel. It looks perfect.

 

“Zayn, look here!” I call him and adjust the dummy so he can see it properly.

 

He stands up from his place and walks towards me. He inspects it for few seconds and says, “It looks nice. I love the buttons.”  He pauses for a second and then continues. “Maybe we can get the logo on these buttons. It’ll be cool!”

 

“Yes! It will look nice,” one of the design assistant says while writing all of that on her iPad.

 

He chews his lips and picks a zipper from the table to try on it. “Zipper should go with the button, right?”

 

“Big and silver,” I tell him.

 

“I love that shirt,” Niall points at the black full sleeve one, which we just approved. “Make sure to send me one.”

 

Zayn turns to look at him, “No one is sending you anything. In fact,” He directs his and Versace’s team, “If you see the name Niall Horan popping up on the billing or the email id ‘[ da-pimp-is-here-@hotmail.com ](mailto:da-pimp-is-here-@hotmail.com)’ make sure to double the bill at the checkout.”

 

I start laughing and sit down on the nearest chair. This is getting interesting.

 

Niall stops chewing his scones and throws daggers at him through his eyes.

 

“Don’t tell me you don’t still use that ID for Tinder,” Zayn has a mischievous smirk on his face.

 

“Oh my gosh look at me, I have so much time to go on date with some random person from Tinder! Honestly! Seriously! Is this how low you think of me. I pick up people from Soho House or some posh place like that. Don’t disrespect my choices like that.” He defends himself quite well.

 

Zayn raises his eyebrow at him, “Then why you have the app on your phone?”

 

I pull Niall’s plate towards me, he wouldn’t notice. He is busy defending his honor from being accused of using Tinder. Also, the head designer left the room to take an important call which he has been waiting for, for a while. I can take the call of my stomach which is equally important.

 

He leans back in his chair, “Why do you have an astrology app on your phone? Not just any astrology app but the one where you put your cat’s name and all that shit. I saw it on your phone and immediately did my research on it.”

 

Mmmm… Scones are delicious.

 

“What! I don’t…,” Zayn cheeks are so red. He totally has that app on his phone.

 

“Show us your phone then,” Niall says.

 

Now I’m conflicted; should I pick blue color Macaroon or the red on. Huff.. Decisions, decisions!

 

“False allegation,” Zayn says immediately. “How are your Guppies by the way?”

 

Oh, the swerve, Zayn. I would have been very interested in his Astro app thing only if I didn’t have food in front of me.

 

“There’s a slight problem there,” Niall pulls back the plate from me shooting me a very dirty look.

 

I pout. My macarons. And scones.

 

“What’s the problem!” Zayn asks.

 

“One of them is pregnant and I don’t know what to do,” Niall says.

 

Zayn walks up towards us, “You don’t have to keep cheering on the pregnant one to push the babies out from her. She’ll know what to do.” He takes the plate from Niall and walks away from us.

 

Asshole.

 

“I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about what I will do ones the babies are born. I read they give a hell lot of babies. I will have to get a big aquarium or something.” His hands reach his mouth. He still bites his fingers.

 

“Call Lane!” I suggest. “Lane would know what to do.”

 

Niall’s face light up at that. He can thank me, by getting me some Macaroons, the blue ones. But no, he pulls my cheeks.

 

So I mess up his hairstyle.

 

*

 

There’s a sweet faint smell of vanilla in the air as I enter our home. There’s also faint saxophone and violin playing through the speakers. Is my husband early today? That would be a surprise because I’ve hardly seen him in last two days.

 

“Honey, I’m home!” I shout as I walk towards the living room. Wow! There are candles, and balloons on the floor. Aww… I love balloons!

 

“Babe! I’ve been waiting for you,” Harry appears from somewhere and kisses my cheek.

 

He is still wearing a cream shirt and black trousers but his tie is gone, the sleeves are rolled up, and only three buttons of the shirt are done. He is barefoot too and looks relaxed. Taking my hand, he guides me towards the couch. Two flutes of champagne with a bottle are sitting on the top of the center table with rose petals around them.

 

I pick up a balloon and oh my gosh, “Harry! Why did you fill condoms with air?”

 

Jesus Christ! It went from awww to aww-ful pretty quick.

 

“I did not have time to go out and buy balloons, and I don’t know where they are kept at home if we have any!”

 

“So you had to pull out few from our colorful stash,” I raise my eyebrows at him. He nods happily. My eyes fall on the red ribbed one near the leg of the center table. I pick it up, “You did not use the last ribbed one I was saving for a good fuck!” I loved this one. It felt so so so good. And he filled it with air!

 

“There must be some more of these.” I can see the ‘oh shit’ written on his face. My insides weep looking at my favorite condom. They aren't even available online, their supply is quite less as compared to demand.

 

He pulls me into his arms, the red con-loon/ ball-don squeezes between us. I can’t even prick it. Such a shame. Harry puts it away and pulls me into his lap.

 

He looks at me and caresses my cheek softly, “I’m really sorry I didn’t have time for you. Past couple of days were mad.”

 

I nod quietly. I could understand that he has been very caught up.

 

“I have the bath ready, sushi is for dinner, and I’m here to listen to you all night. Let me make up to you, honey.”

 

Butterflies flutter inside me as he slowly drags his finger down my cheek to the throat. How can I say no to this! I lean forward and kiss him deeply.

 

*

 

“How many fingers, Lou?” Harry asks me holding up two fingers in front of me.

 

I squint my eyes at him, “I’m not blind anymore, I got my lenses yesterday. I can see clearly now.” I pull up the cover and pick my book from the bedside. “So clearly that I can even see your nonexistent facial hair.” I touch the faintest stubble on his chin.

 

“I have facial hair,”  He says loudly.

 

“Trying to convince me or yourself, darling!”

 

“I even have a mustache,” He says confidently.

 

“That’s a struggle-stache.” There will never be a day when I will stop mocking him for that. His facial hair actually looks pretty cute on him, but I won’t ever tell him that in words.

 

He leans forward and brushes his chin on my arm, “Feel it, it’s not a struggle- thing. It’s an actual stubble.”

 

“Hazza! I would rather have Cliff brushing his furry body on my arm than you scratching my arm with that stubble. Stop it! I just moisturized it.”

 

“Ok,” he whispers and I feel a sharp sting on my arm. Oh my gosh, he bit me. Only if he learned to listen to me. He smiles at me when I look at the bite marks, they are red. Then he proceeds to lick his bite marks.

 

I sigh, “There’s really no difference between you and Cliff!”

 

“I’m here trying to be a good husband here,” He says nuzzling me behind my ear. Oh, that feels so good.

 

“Oh yeah, you better be good to me,” I say.

 

His brows join hoping I’ll explain him more.

 

“So last week Niall and I went for spa, right! And he told me about some person named Connor West and how he is waiting for me to give him a chance,” I cannot hide my malicious smile. No! I don’t want to give that dickhead a chance but I definitely want to see Harry’s reaction regarding it.

 

He sighs, “I know that! And…” He sits upright leaning back on the backrest.

 

Wait! “What!” I am so surprised. “You know that already? And why you never told me?”

 

“Am I supposed to tell you about all the men hash women who are hoping to win your love one day? I don’t think so,” he says.

 

I gasp, “There are more! Oh my gosh, you never tell me good things,” I keep my book aside on the table and turn to look at him.

 

“What’s exactly good here?”

 

“That I am still desirable and people still fall for me. Knowing this makes me so happy.” It’s a blissful feeling at any age. In my first year of uni, I was asked out by five different people for Valentine's’ day. Though I never went out with anyone, because one of my friends had a bad breakup and was crying all the time because of it. So instead I took him out for a movie and a game zone where you have to escape the room by finding clues. And we enjoyed a lot. Even though I didn’t go out on a date, I was happy knowing that I made it to the list of most- asked- person- for- V- day.

 

“What did you tell him then?” I ask him.

 

“I haven’t met him yet but I’m sure I’ll have to put him in his place if he asks anymore about you. It doesn’t settle nicely with me,” he says.

 

“Who else asks about me?” Tell me all the gossip about me.

 

“Not telling you,” He says.

 

I glide my finger down his bare chest. Mmm.. his chest. Very distracting! Very appealing.

 

He grabs my hand, “Seriously Lou, you are trying to seduce me to tell you about the people who fancy you!” He starts laughing. “Try harder, love.”

 

Eh! This isn’t working. I warn him very seriously, “Hazza!”

 

He adjusts his pillow and slips inside the cover further. “What! What else will you do? Make me sleep on the couch?” He has that sly smirk on his face. One day I’ll wipe that off his face permanently. “How about you sleep on the couch tonight.” How very dare he! “Even better you can sleep with Cliff in his bed, you like it so much don’t you. Cliff can adjust to make space for you.” He looks at Cliff and says, “Won’t you, son!”

 

Cliff is not even remotely interested in our conversation, he is busy playing with his toy. I’m so glad Cliff does not understand what we say, else he would have run away from home long back thinking he has the craziest parents ever.

 

“You won’t even need much space, his bed can clearly accommodate you both. I mean, you both are pretty much same size.” I say.

 

My mouth falls open.

 

“Save for his tail, I wouldn’t have been able to tell who am I cuddling,” He bites his bottom lip.

 

“Just remember you are going to sleep next to me and there is a mountain of pillows on this bed,” I throw him a warning.

 

“I anyways sleep with one eye open,” he throws his head back laughing at me now. All his dimples and teeth on display. For a second, my breath catches in my throat looking at his beautiful face. I want to kiss every single inch of it.

 

But that second of me having a moment is over and I pick up one pillow and hit him so hard on his face. I’m sure it didn’t even hurt him ‘cos the pillow is stuffed with feathers. The way he is still laughing at me confirms that he isn’t hurt at all. I hit him a couple of more times in return.

 

“Shut up!” I try to make my voice be heard in this room while Harry’s loud laugh fills every corner.

 

He picks up the pillow and hits me with it. At the same moment, Cliff jumps on the bed wanting to know why we are having fun without him. He starts barking excitedly and wags his tail rapidly.

 

No later, there are feathers everywhere around us, in bed, on the floor, on the top of Cliff’s head, caught in Harry’s curls. I laugh looking at the one caught just right above his ear, at an awkward angle. Harry tries to fly it away without any luck. Harry throws away the cover and pulls me astride on his lap. Before I could react, he seals my mouth with his.

 

And Cliff starts to lick my feet.

 

Honestly, Cliff needs to stop doing that every time Harry has his tongue in my mouth. I can only concentrate on the feeling of one tongue at a time. I can’t use my brain to focus on two feelings at the same time. It confuses me.

 

*

  



	7. Chapter 7

I tie my robe tightly while coming out of the shower. Nothing like a warm shower in the morning. As I enter our wardrobe, I see Harry wearing the cufflinks, his tie is hanging open on his collar. He is wearing my favorite grey checkered suit. I love how it makes his legs look longer and toned, and don’t even get me started on how nicely they fit over his behind. Even this particular off-white shirt that makes his shoulder look broader and muscular. His eyes meet mine in the mirror as I walk towards him. A corner of his mouth lifts into a smile and I can’t hide my blush at the way he looks at me. Such a darling!

 

I pat his bum before standing in front of him. “You look good!” He even smells good; fresh and minty. I close the top button of his shirt and start knotting his dark blue tie.

 

His hand slips down my back, “Your choice, I’m bound to look good.” He smiles his charming smile. And yes, I brought him this suit. As soon as I saw a model walking down the ramp wearing it in the fashion week a few months back, I knew I had to buy it for Harry.

 

“Anyway, what are you doing today?” He asks gently caressing my back.

 

I look up at him, “Niall and Zayn are already at Zayn’s office for some work. They have asked me to come over there and join them.”

 

“That’s nice!” He pauses, clears his throat and continues. “Today’s our date night!” I can see his eyes shining, more like twinkling. He softly bites his lips.

 

“Yes, I do remember,” I chirp happily. I did my preparations for it yesterday, went shopping, got a new haircut. So ready for the night.

 

“And I have made all the arrangements for it,” his dimples grow deeper as he speaks. “It’s my turn tonight.”

 

We both keep alternating every month and take each other out on a date. Last month we both were in New York as Harry had some business there. I rented a private villa at The Ritz- Carlton in Long Island. While Harry finished his business during the day I made arrangements for the night. The most outstanding part of the night was the food that the private chef prepared for us. It was so delicious that we both couldn’t stop eating.

 

This month it is his turn. I have absolutely no idea what he has planned so I’m both excited and nervous.

 

“I’ll send the car to pick you up,” he says.

 

I nod trying to keep my excitement intact. I pick up his suit coat from the hanger and help him in wearing it.

 

“I have a breakfast meeting, so I’ll leave now.” He turns back to look at me and grabs me for a kiss. I bunny kiss him before parting away from him. “See you at 5.”

 

He picks his phone and iPad from the table and leaves the closet.

 

Wait! Did he say 5? Like 5 in the evening? Hmm...

  


*

 

I aim at the ball carefully and adjust the cue at a proper angle to hit the ball. The brown ball is near the pocket but I will have to hit the red one for it to go down the hole. It’s a difficult move, but won't’ let it go without a trial.

 

“Ambitious one, Tommo!” Niall comments.

 

I hum my response and hit the cue ball. It hits the red ball, but not in the speed I was hoping for. It won’t reach the brown ball. I stand straight pouting, hoping that it hits the brown one, even a slight hit will put it in the pocket. Gaah! It stops midway. I turn to Niall gesturing him towards the table.

 

Zayn is lying on the couch reading poems of his favorite Urdu poet, Gulzar Saab. He has a huge collection of his works in his library. Zayn’s one dream is to work with his idol one day.

 

Zayn’s office is on two floors, the top one is his studio and his bedroom only. His office, conference room, dressing room which is one of the biggest room in this floor, are on the first one. His dresser is where he tries all the clothes his stylist chooses for him. It is also the room which has a Pool table, a Ping-Pong table, Foosball table, Xbox and PlayStation and arcade gaming machines.

 

“Zayn, come one! One game, man,” I ask him. His stylist just left after they decided on what he is going to wear for an event he will be attending this weekend. Now he doesn’t seem like in a mood to even move an inch.

 

“I’ll pass!” He turns the page of his book. The book’s condition makes me wonder how many times he has read it from cover to cover.

 

“I win!” Niall announces as the brown ball and black one go inside the pocket. He was already winning. I’m very hooked on how he hit two balls at the same time.

 

“Clever move, Neil!” I say rounding the table. Even though he has won, I am gonna try and pocket the remaining balls.

 

“Shut up Tommo!” He puts his cue back on the holder and goes to sit on one of the couch. “How many more times are you going to read this book?” He asks Zayn.

 

“Too much is never enough,” he says without looking up.

 

I snort.

 

“Read me a poem, Zayn!” I ask him while I aim for a red ball.

 

“Sure! It’s in Urdu here, but I am gonna translate it into English for you,” he says and then reads me one.

 

“nazm uljhi hui hai seene mein, _”_ He reads it in Urdu and goes ahead to translate it.

_“A poem entangled in my chest,”_

“misare atke hue hain hothon par”  
_“Lines fastened on my lips,”_

“udate phirte hain titliyon ki tarah,   
lafz kaagaz pe baithte hi nahin”   
_“Words, like butterflies, won’t sit still on paper.”_

“kab se baithaa hun main jaanam  
saade kaagaz pe likh ke naam tera”   
_“I sit for so long darling,  
with your name on this blank paper.”_

“bas tera naam hi mukammal hai  
is se behtar bhi nazm kyaa hogi.”   
_“Your name just your name exists;  
could there be a better poem?”_

 

I smile hearing the poem. “That’s beautiful!”

  
  
“I’m taking it as an indication that you haven’t been writing,” Niall points out.

  
  
Zayn pouts, “I haven’t written a single word in three days. I just can’t find the motivation. I mean words are in my head, but they aren’t coming out on the paper the way I want. I’m just looking for some inspiration.”

  
  
“You can write Liam’s name on the paper and it will be a song,” Niall pats his knees.

  
  
“I am very motivated to do that after reading this poem but my label will probably bury me six feet under,” He says.

  
  
Niall sprawls further on the couch, “Love is a motivating factor, I have heard!”

  
  
“It is! You would know it if you decide to settle down or date someone seriously,” Zayn remarks.

  
  
Niall picks up a comic from the table, “You just don’t _decide_ to fall in love with someone, it happens. There is that moment when you feel so sure that you want to spend your entire life with that person.”

  
  
Zayn sits up on the couch and looks at me, “How does he know so much about a serious relationship when he has never been in any!”

 

I shrug. Just like Zayn, I’m very surprised as well. Niall’s relationship advice and knowledge always bowl me. “Why you don’t want to be in a relationship, Niall?”

  
  
“Because I’ve seen my parents.” He says.

  
  
“But you won’t end your relationship, like your parents, you know better Niall!!” He once told us that his parents had a bitter divorce and that it took an emotional toll on him. We never asked him further about it and he never explained. It never felt like our place to ask him about it.

  
  
“I really don’t believe in being in love with the same person all your life. It’s just not possible.” He explains. “People grow up, their priorities change, their perspective change. How can one still be in love with the same person forever? That’s a very very long time.”

  
  
“You do realize that you are saying this to a person who was planning their wedding since the second they started dating,” Zayn points at me.

  
  
“I just knew I wanted to be around Harry all my life. You know, when I first met him I thought how lucky are those people who are around him, like his friends and family.” I say.

  
  
“And what do you think now?” Niall asks me.

  
  
“That how lucky I am that I have him in my life.” Which is the truth in all sense. Having him in my life is by far the best decision of my life. I look at Zayn, “Besides, speak for yourself. You both have been together for a long time now.”

  
  
“Yeah! Should I be hearing some wedding bells ringing anytime soon?” Niall looks at him. I walk towards the couch and sit beside Zayn.

  
  
“Neither I nor Liam believes in the institution of marriage, we both are good like this,” Zayn says propping his legs on the table and continuing to read his book.

  
  
I try so hard to relate to their thoughts on relationships but I can’t. I can’t imagine being in a relationship for so long and not think about getting married or putting a ring on it. If Harry and I were still not married, I believe I would have eaten myself alive thinking about why Harry isn’t into marriages or why he doesn’t want us to be legally together. I would have kept wondering if I was enough or good enough for him or not. I’m not cut out for a to have a chilled out or a relaxed mind. I can’t take easy on a relationship. I just can’t!

  
  
Zayn snaps his finger in front of my face, “What are you thinking?”

  
  
“Why am I not like you both! Why I need a proper legal stamp on it,” I just can’t stop wondering.

  
  
“You both are pretty competitive people, you know that right,” Niall says. “You both keep trying to prove each other that you love more, go out on monthly dates, talk to each other all the time, be involved in each other’s lives. I can’t do that Lou! I just don’t find it necessary to say ‘I love you’ to a person fifty times a day, once is enough. I can’t take them out on monthly dates. If someone demands things like that from me, I’ll wonder they are so insecure! Why they just don’t trust my words.”

  
  
“I’m not insecure,” I say.

  
  
“He didn’t mean that way. He was explaining why he can’t be in a relationship.” Zayn says to me then turns to look at Niall, “Those lil things are a hell lot of work but they are also things that make the relationship stronger. Everyone has a different take on it and no one is wrong. It’s your relationship, take it however you can.”

  
  
I nod and so does Niall.

  
  
“Speaking of dates,” Zayn continues. “You have one tonight, right!”

  
  
“Yeah! It’s Harry’s turn.” I rub my hands together. “I’m so nervous and excited. I mean, I thought maybe he wouldn’t have planned anything and he will just take me out for a nice dinner since he was busy all week. But today before leaving for work he said he will send the car to me at 5. Now I don’t know what he has planned or what we are doing this evening. Who even goes to have dinner at 5?”

  
  
“Maybe, he is taking you out for a movie and then dinner,” Niall says.

  
  
I raise my eyebrows at that, “Could be. We both wanted to see the rom-com that released last week. Maybe we are going to watch it and then have a nice dinner.”

  
  
“What are you wearing?” Zayn asks.

  
  
“See that’s the problem now. I thought we were just going for a dinner at a posh place so I bought a blazer, jeans and a t-shirt for it. Now if we were to go to movies, it will look like I over did on my looks. I can’t wear a blazer to the movie theater!” I say. Choosing clothes is going to be an issue now.

  
  
“That’s some situation,” Zayn says. He thinks for a second and then says, “Ditch the blazer, pick a nice jacket. It will work for movie and restaurant as well.”

  
  
I nod, it makes sense. A nice bomber jacket will do it.

  
  
Zayn gestures towards his closet, “Be my guest. There must be too many for you to choose from.”

  
  
Gladly I walk towards it. Zayn was trying clothes when I came in, all the clothes are now neatly arranged in the closet. I take out a dark blue jacket from Marc Jacobs. The color of jacket immediately reminds me of the tie Harry wore today.

  
  
Zayn and I have the same size so undoubtedly I fit in the jacket perfectly.

  
  
“Looks good!” Niall comments as I check it out in the mirror.

  
  
“Hear this one, Lou!” Zayn says while I set my fringes.

 

“Come, let us build a night  
On the marble edifice of silence   
let us swathe ourselves in the sheets of darkness,   
and ignite the twin candles of our bodies . . .   
When dew arrives on tiptoe,   
let it not discern even the whisper of our breaths   
In the silken fragrance of mist,   
entwined let us lie, like the fragrance itself —   
Draped in the earthy aroma of our bodies,   
Let us, like spirits, rustle forever…” 

 

  
My cheeks turn red hearing the poem. It’s so beautiful and so fitting to what the night will bring.

  
  
“Enjoy getting laid tonight,” Zayn remarks and Niall bursts out laughing. He closes the book and keeps it aside.

  
  
“Oh my gosh, seriously! Zayn… Stop it,” I know I am blushing too hard and to avoid them looking at my flushed face, I start taking off the jacket. I gotta do something with these hands to keep my mind swaying away at the lovely thoughts the poem implied. I can totally see Harry and me wrapped around each other, under the sheets, his sweet breath falling on me… I should stop myself there.

  
  
“It’s Friday, so if we don’t hear from either of you over the weekend at least we would know its nothing to worry about,” he smiles.

  
  
I bite my lips and probably too hard. God, why do I have friends like this. “Do you both wanna grab lunch or not?”

  
  
I walk out of the room, holding the jacket and hiding my face. I have the worst friends in the world. 

 

*


	8. Chapter 8

At dot five o'clock I was in the car after checking my reflection in possibly every other reflective surface I came across from our penthouse to the car. I was slightly taken aback when I saw Harry sent Patrick to pick me up instead of John. Patrick won’t tell me where we are going, so I put my headphones and closed my eyes. If I kept looking out the window, every other second my heart would skip a beat assuming where we might be going.

 

I played one of Harry’s playlist on Spotify which has nothing but the collection of all the sappy songs ever made, in one place. I did see that his ‘bedroom playlist’ has few new songs. I smiled so hard looking at the songs. But I didn’t play any, I don’t want to be anywhere in public with my hard-on. I’m wearing skinny jeans!

 

After what felt like an eternity, Partick stopped the car.

 

“We are here, sir.” He says as I put aside my headphones.

 

Finally, we have reached. But where the heck are we, it all looks very open and devoid of much infrastructure. I open the door and step out. My eyes fall on Harry who is standing in front of his private jet. With his hands in his pocket, the wind sweeping his hair and tie, and a smile on face, he looks so breathtaking. I walk quickly towards him and embrace him in my arms.

 

I suddenly feel so happy and complete, like the missing puzzle of me just found the right one. I take his face in my hands and kiss him. Ah! I’ve missed him all day.

 

“What are we doing at the airport?” I ask him breaking the kiss.

 

“Dinner!” he smiles.

 

I look a the private jet behind him, gates open and ready to fly, “Mile high dinner?”

 

He makes a thinking face but doesn’t reply. Are we going somewhere? I haven’t packed a thing. Hell, I don’t even have my favorite sweatshirt that I wear when we fly. It’s actually not mine, it’s Harry’s, but it’s too big for me and I feel so comfy in it. I don’t even have my beanie.

 

“Let’s get inside, I’m getting hungry!” He says putting his hand on the small of my back and leading me to the stairs.

 

The cabin is elegant like always, done in the shades of black, cream and white which is so pleasing to the eyes. The left side has table and chairs while the right one has recliners. We are greeted by the flight attendant, Rose, dressed in a blue pencil skirt, white shirt, blue blazer and a silk scarf.

 

“Good evening Mr. Tomlinson,” She smiles pleasantly looking at me.

 

“Good evening to you as well, Rose. How are you doing?” I ask her. She has been working with Harry since he brought this jet.

 

“Not bad. How are you doing, sir?” She asks.

 

“Very well,”

 

“Would you like something to drink?” she asks.

 

“I would love some Manhattan!” I say and flop down on the oh-so-comfy seat. Harry takes my phone, switches it off and hands it to her along with both his phones.

 

“Same for me,” Harry says taking off his suit jacket.

 

Oliver, the airport authority personnel, enters the jet and requests for our passports. Shit! I don’t even have my passport with me. Ugh! Harry should’ve told me about his plans before, at least I would have done my preparations. Before, I could say anything Harry passes him our passports.

 

“Why do you need our passports?” It just occurs to me that we won’t need a passport if we going somewhere in England unless we were going to another country.

 

Oliver smiles politely but doesn’t say a word. He leaves and comes back pretty quick after stamping them to return them. Rose takes it from him and goes inside Harry’s office. Meanwhile, Harry is sitting right in front of me.

 

The plane taxis on the runway and I have asked Harry probably three times as we take off, where we are going? But he just won’t answer.

 

Rose comes back with two glasses of Manhattan and toasted cashews and walnuts. She has been working with Harry too long that she now knows our preferences by heart.

 

“Rose, would you mind telling me where we are going?” I prop my legs on Harry’s lap. He rolls his eyes at me and unties my shoelaces.

 

“I’m afraid sir, I can’t!” She leaves quickly.

 

I huff a dramatic sigh, “You and your staff.” I say to Harry.

 

I slouch down on the seat while Harry takes off my socks. After we are at a good distance from the ground, all the shutters of the windows go down. I protest.

 

“Hazza! We are in the air and I need to look outside.” What the hell has he planned! “Look! I don’t have anything with me, not my book, not my headphones, nothing. You even took my phone!”

 

“Shhh…” He takes my hand in his and pulls me in his lap. “I got that covered. Now, just go to our bedroom and strip down all your clothes. I’ll be right there.” He says quietly.

 

I look at him suspiciously, “Is your idea of a perfect date is being a part of Mile High Club and Dining!”

 

He laughs, “Can you think of anything better? I didn’t have much time to plan you see.”

 

“Ok,” I say and walk towards our bedroom with my drink. Maybe, we are flying out to another country and will probably spend the weekend there but again I really don’t have any extra piece of clothing with me as well. He better take me out to buy clothes ‘cos I’m not wearing these for two days straight.

 

As I open the door to the bedroom, I am welcomed by the sweet smell of vanilla and sugar. My eyes fall immediately to the bowl of chocolate covered strawberries and a bowl of whipped cream sitting on the bedside table. Aww.. he did make arrangements! I glide my fingers over the glossy wooden interior as I walk inside. This bedroom is everything we wanted our on-air- shenanigan room to look like. Glossy wooden surface, pristine white bed with a red cover and a fur comforter, a recliner, TV. there’s also a personal bathroom which can accommodate two people for a warm shower.

 

I walk into the bathroom and get a bottle of lube from there. I strip down my jacket and t-shirt. I turn around to the sound of door latching. Harry is standing by the door, his eyes deep and dark.

 

“Why are you still wearing clothes?” He asks walking slowly towards me. His eyes never leaving mine. My heart is thudding so loudly I am sure he can hear it. This is what he does to me, makes me all nervous yet make me feel so comfortable at the same time.

 

“I thought I’ll let you do the honors,” I pull him towards me with his tie.

 

“With pleasure!” Harry brings his glass of Manhattan near my lips and urges me to drink it.

 

As soon as the entire drink is in my mouth Harry grabs me for a kiss. Deep, long, passionate kiss as we share the drink and some of it spills from our mouths.

 

It doesn’t take much time for us to get rid of everything that stops from our bodies and skin touching each other. I’m aware of the moans escaping my throat every now and then, but I can’t help. I’m in his arms and I can’t stop.

 

“Harry,” I say in between our kisses.

 

He squeezes my bum, looks at me for a second humming his attention and tilts his head to kiss my neck.

 

“I want to fuck together,” I say.

 

“Okay,” He whispers while pushing me back to the bed.

 

Running my hands gently over his chest, I try to slow him down. One of his hand fists in my hair, pulling it back, and other slid up to the small of my back urging me closer. He leads me down to the bed and comes on top of me, covering my mouth with his. Wrapping my one leg around his thigh, I start rubbing against him. I feel mine and his cock hardening in between us. Harry makes his way across from my cheek to the throat to my chest, licking biting and kissing every inch of my skin.

 

He found his way to the nipple and teased them, sucked them till they were hard and painful. I hiss at the feeling and hold the comforter tightly. I shudder as his tongue dips into my navel.

 

“Shh..,” He rubs his cheeks on my hard dick.

 

He spreads my legs with his hands and settles in between them. Gently moving his nose on my inner thighs, he plants a soft kiss followed by a sweet bite. Everything he does makes me harder by the second. His lips touch my balls and his tongue swipes all of it properly. A hopeless moan escapes me.

 

He continues licking my balls and stroking my cock at the same time. I can feel the slight bead of pre-cum on the tip of it. Harry looks up at me and takes me into his mouth. The feel of his warm mouth on my dick feels so bloody good.

 

“Together,” He says. Picking up the bottle of lube from the table he wets his fingers, passes it to me and straddles on me backward.

 

Grabbing his hips I yank him to my hungry waiting mouth. A cry leaves him and he tilts us so we are lying sideways. Holding his big dick at the base, I slowly take him in while moving my slick finger towards his hole. My middle finger rubbed over his entrance before slowly going in. He was mirroring the same movement.

 

He shudders when I slowly put a second finger inside him and took all of him in my mouth. The sound that escaped him pushed me to the edge of orgasm. His hips were working tirelessly against my mouth. I blindly reached for the bottle of lube and slicked some more over his entrance for easier penetration.

 

As I put the third finger inside him, his nails sunk into my hips. I increased the pace of my hips urging him to take all of me into his pretty mouth. He didn’t wait for a second and without a warrant, he put three fingers inside me. A growl escaped me and I realize how I’m surrounded by Harry everywhere. Inside me, outside, all over my skin, on my mind, he is everywhere, consuming me with his love.

 

“Come with me, Lou!” He says.

 

I could feel few drops of his cum in my throat. His diabolical fingers circles inside me. I licked his erection again and took all of him down my throat, my fingers massaging the sweet spot inside him. He came in a rush and spurted all into my mouth. I choked and let him slip out of my mouth. He spilled all over my chest and neck. He sucked me hard one last time and I spilled into his mouth. He took all of it, every last drop of it.

 

I pulled him back to my arms and sealed his mouth with mine. Our kiss tasted of both me and him and our love for each other. Our sweaty, slick bodies wrapped around each other. I love that neither of us mind, how sticky our skin felt.

 

*

“Tell me,” I say as Harry helps me in my jacket after a much needed warm shower. We like to use our resources to the best, like using the shower together, rolling around in the bed mid air till the captain announces that we should get back to our seats as we are about to land. I really have no idea how long we have been on the air. My guess is anywhere from 20 minutes to 20 hours. I even took a nap, which I have no idea how long it lasted. Though, it felt like 5 seconds of nap.

 

“No,” He said turning me around and smoothing my jacket. “Stop asking me, you’ll know soon.”

 

“I’m just curious. We are leaving the country and I have absolutely no idea where we are going.” I say.

 

“Curiosity killed the cat,” he boops my nose.

 

“But satisfaction brought it back.” I counter.

 

He shakes his head smiling and picks up his cufflinks from the table. He ditched his tie but I’m sure he is going to wear his suit jacket. “Let’s go!”

 

I lead the way and feel instantly relieved seeing that the windows are not closed. Another round of Manhattan is sitting on the table next to the seat. I take my seat and pick my carefully laid socks from the table and bend down to wear them. Harry takes his seat in front of me and urges me to lay my feet on his lap. I do as he says, he tickles my feet enticing a series of giggles from me.

 

He carefully puts socks back to my feet and put on my shoes, tying the laces properly, which is pretty cool since he should finish the task he started. I put on my seatbelt as the sign for it goes green.

 

Picking up my drink I say, “You didn’t have to do all this, you know! I would have been happy to grab a burger at McDonald’s with you.”

 

“Thanks! Actually, that’s the plan. We have been flying round and round over London and now we are headed to McDonald’s for dinner. I knew you would love to keep it simple and sweet and greasy,” he winks at me, a smirk plastered on his face.

 

I open my mouth in surprise, “Then why he needed our passports?”

 

“Identification,” He says without a trace of doubt in his voice.

 

I cannot believe we have been flying over London just for a fuck. I don’t ever challenge that Harry won’t ever pull a stunt like this, he just might. And he just did. I have absolutely no idea how to react. Do I even react or just file this under most-bizarre-date-ever. I scratch my head trying to find something to say or do. I take a huge sip of my drink hoping it will help me believing what just happened.

 

“What you don’t believe me! Look outside,” He gestures towards the window.

 

He is still grinning, playfulness clouding his eyes. I can see it. Hell, I can feel it. Harry is playing with me.

 

Doubtfully, I turn my head towards the window and what I see makes me forget to breathe. Standing proud and tall is the fully illuminated Eiffel Tower, welcoming us with open arms. There’s a hint of redness in the sky making it look even more ethereal. No matter how many time I’ll see it, it will never cease to amaze me.

 

“Paris!” I whisper. He brought me to Paris for our date. Tears prick my eyes, I don’t know whether I’m happy or I’m emotional but I think what I’m feeling right now is a mix of both. I open my seatbelt and lunge on his lap and kiss him. Self-safety be damned.

 

“Sir...” I hear Rose’s concerned voice. She must be here to ask me to get back to my seat.

 

“I’m fine, Rose! My husband will take care of me,” I say. Harry signals her to leave, never taking his eyes off me.

 

“I won’t waste the opportunity of taking you out on a perfect date, something that I get to do only six days a year.” He says caressing my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

 

I giggle and seal our mouths with a kiss.

*

 

“John! What are you doing here?” I’m happy and surprised to see him standing in front of the black Audi, which is clearly waiting for us in the tarmac.

 

“Doing my job, sir,” He smiles and opens the door for me.

 

I look at Harry who is walking next to me, holding my hand. He gestures me inside and I slip inside. There’s a bottle of chilled wine and two glasses waiting for us. My husband clearly wants me super drunk for the date.

 

As much as I like the wine gesture, I don’t like that there is a bottle and wine glasses stopping me from jumping on him. Car accessories like these are good for a business meeting or first date, not when you have been fucked mid-air and not anywhere near being satisfied.

 

“Wine!” Harry hands me the glass.

 

There’s that sly smirk on his face again. He knows what he is doing, he knows I don’t like this gesture. He is going to make me wait till we get to the hotel. I feel like screaming but I mask it all behind a smile and politely take it from him. I’m not giving him the pleasure of knowing that I’m yearning for him too much.

 

“What a waste, Harry Styles! You could be roaming your hands over my buttery soft skin and perfectly round bum but you chose to have wine between us.” I smile. I didn't want to be a sadist but he was asking for it.

 

He turns his head towards me, eyes shot up in realization, frozen to his spot. Good! If I can’t have what I want then he should know what he is missing. All smile has gone from his face. Yes!

 

Satisfaction level: Louis 100 and Harry 0.

 

I slide my index finger down his cheek, “Alright!” And smile contently thinking that now this wait is going to be as excruciating for him as it is going to be for me. I slouch down on my seat, take a sip of the wine and look out of the window. Such a nice evening!

*

 

Dom Perignon said it right, drinking champagne feels like tasting stars. Right now I feel like there are thousand tiny little stars in my mouth, all waiting to burst with flavor. I love champagne and I can’t thank Harry enough for making sure we had Boerl & Kroff Brut Rose for us. I love Rose.

 

The soft winds, live violin and piano playing for us on the balcony and the picturesque view of Eiffel Tower in front of us, is making me emotional. Harry has exceeded all my expectations for our date. It’s not the first time he has flown me to another country or Paris for our date, but I always knew beforehand where we were going. This is the first time he has brought me here by surprise and has conveniently blown me off with every arrangement to perfection. In all these years we both have too many nice memories of Paris but this one tops all.

 

I tear away my gaze from the golden tower of love to the human embodiment of love in front of me. My husband. His green eyes are soft and gazing at me with so much love that makes me feel like I’m rolling in the ball of clouds. The warmth of his love is the only thing that has kept me going even on the coldest nights.

 

His fingers tighten around mine making my heart beat faster. He brings my fingers near his mouth and softly kisses them, his soft pink lips feel like rose petals.

 

“Like it!” He asks softly. He looks so dreamy right now. Few curls falling on his forehead, eyes deep, lips slightly parted, not a trace of stress in his perfectly sculptured face.

 

“I love it, Harry!” I sometimes cannot believe I married him, I mean he married me. How did I win his love? What must I have done that he fell in love with me? When I first met him, I never thought we would get this far and here we are now, after nine years, still madly in love, and me still getting butterflies whenever he touches my skin or breathes near me.

 

He smiles the most beautiful smile, the smile that makes me weak on my knees.

 

“I love you, Harry,” I say.

 

His smile widens. He gets up from his chair and leads me to the open space for the dance. There’s no one apart from us in the balcony, Harry must have booked it entirely for us. There aren’t even any table and chairs which are always there. It’s our favorite restaurant. We always come here for a nice dinner or breakfast.

 

We sway slowly to the sweet melody and Harry bends down to kiss my cheek.

 

“You really thought I would take you to McD for a date!” He asks.

 

“I wouldn’t have minded it. I love burgers,” I say.

 

“Really! You should have seen your face when I told you we are going to McD,” His tongue peeks from his smirking mouth. To be honest, I was slightly disappointed when he told me that but I really wouldn’t have minded if he took me there. I really prefer his company over anything else.

 

“When will you stop pestering me. It’s been a long time, H!” I sometimes just wonder how much he loves irritating me.

 

“And you are still here, which tells me it’s not as bad as you make it,” He says.

 

I know marriage is all about loving and annoying your spouse. Harry makes sure there isn’t any lack of either, in fact, he makes sure I never feel less annoyed at him. Most of the time he irritates me and then smiles and I forget all about the reason why I was mad at him in the first place. He just gets away with everything because of his dimples and two bunny teeth.

 

He places his hand on the small of my back and leads me back to the table, where the server has brought Oysters.

 

“You are planning to get me drunk and aroused, isn’t it!” I ask him looking up at him.

 

He lightly bites my ear, “Very drunk and very turned on.” His whisper sends a shiver down my spine. Now, how can anyone stay mad at a husband like this?

 

One thing I love about oysters, apart from the fact that they taste like the ocean, is that Harry and I tried it together for the first time. We were dating for almost a year then and to celebrate it together we saved money for a month. Christmas was just around the corner but we both somehow managed to save enough money that will buy us a decent dinner in a nice restaurant. I was a fresh graduate and Harry was still at uni back then, and of course, expenses were tight. We decided to have dinner in a hotel where we always wanted to go and as soon as we saw Oysters on the menu we knew that is what we wanted. But they were so bloody expensive and it paired with a glass of champagne costed us all the money we saved for dinner. But, we wanted to taste it together, so we ordered it. They were so delicious! Of course, we were still hungry so we came back home and had the leftover cold pizza from a night before. But nonetheless, the joy of having an experience together was unmatched.

 

Oysters were followed by smoked salmon with roasted asparagus and a sizzling brownie for dessert. By the time we were leaving the restaurant I was officially aroused and couldn't wait till we reached the hotel. Harry’s enticing moans every time he took a bite of food, didn’t make my situation any easier. In fact, he kept giving me those suggestive looks and somehow all our discussion ended up with bed or sex. Harry has mastered the art of talking and turning the discussion in whichever direction he prefers. I just don’t like when he uses his talent on me. Like we were just talking about a painting exhibition going on in Paris and somehow it ended up with Harry seductively taking a bite of his salmon and saying that the meat is ready. This entire dinner has been nothing less than me stopping myself from jumping onto Harry at every given opportunity, he better make it worth.

 

*

 

I take a sleepy breath and throw my arm at Harry side. Pat pat pat! Where is he? I open my eyes slowly, the room is dimly illuminated from the lamp next to the bed. Harry’s side is empty, but it’s still warm. I guess he might have just gone to the bathroom. I turn over on my back and look around at the room. I wasn't paying much attention to where we were. I was all over Harry since the second we put one leg inside the car. The reception area didn’t look like a hotel’s.

 

I sit up on the bed and switch on the lamp next to my side. The room fills with yellow light. Throwing off the covers, I step out of bed. The color is cherry red and the backrest of the bed is the most beautiful one I have ever seen. Instead of the traditional backrest, a pole is fixed on the wall along the width of the bed and from it, huge cherry red quilted pillows are hanging. Considering how much I love tying Harry to the bed, the poles are a good idea.

 

I look at the floor for our clothes but I can’t find any. I open the door in the room and is immediately met with a huge closet. I step inside and smile looking at the how spacious it is. I walk inside looking for my clothes, but I cannot find any. Instead, there are two silk robes hanging, one dark blue and another off-white in color. I pick the dark blue one and step outside. Faint light is coming from the space between two curtains catches my attention. Curious, I walk towards it and open the curtains. Two glass doors divide the room and balcony. Opening the door, I walk out to the balcony.

 

Pink colored flowers have fallen from the tree next to the balcony. The stone wall is covered with green vines all over. I walk towards the wall and smile looking at the beautiful garden below. Fairy lights are wrapped around trees and the wall. This is so beautiful! How come we never came here before? And where is Harry? On my way out, the red rustic wooden doors come into my view. They look like the ones French countryside homes have.

 

I leave the room and walk down the stairs. I immediately spot Harry sitting on the counter of open kitchen working on his laptop, his back towards me. I cross the sitting area to reach him. Hugging him from behind, I kiss his ear. His hand grabs me and pulls me astride on his lap.

 

“Busy?” I don’t want to disturb him if he is doing something important.

 

“Nah! Just sent the reply to the email I’ve been waiting for,” He says. “All yours.”

 

“How come you are wearing a pajama and a shirt but I only get to wear a robe?” I ask him.

 

He smiles, “I made the arrangement so I get to choose what you can wear.” His fingers trail down my chest towards the knot of the robe. “Although, I love when are not wearing anything.”

 

I giggle and hold his face in my hand for a kiss.

 

“What time is it? I didn’t see any clock around the place?” It’s still dark outside so I guess it’s still the middle of the night.

 

“Clocks and watches are banned in this house. You will know when we have to leave, till then you don’t have to think or know about time,” He says.

 

My brows join, “Who’s house is this?”

 

His entire face lights up, “Yours!”

 

“Umm.. what?”

 

His hands slip from my waist to the counter. Picking up a bunch of keys he hands them to me.

 

“Your birthday gift that was due,” He says, closing my fist with keys in it.

 

I think I might have forgotten to breathe or I might have heard it wrong or maybe I’m dreaming. Yes, this is a lovely dream sequence where he gifts me a house and we end up in bed where I suck him nice and dry as a thank you.

 

“You don't like it?” He asks in confusion.

 

“Hazza! What are you talking about? This can’t be my house. You are kidding me right,” I ask.

 

“I’m absolutely not kidding. This is your boutique apartment that you have always wanted to own,” He says proudly. I stare blankly at him. “The builders first decided to start it as a boutique hotel but then decided to sell it off as an apartment. There are just 10 of them in this entire property. When I came to know about these, half of them were already sold out and the ones that were left were in huge demand. I had to pull few strings to buy this for you. It matched your ‘boutique home’ dream perfectly. If I waited even a day, we would have lost it. So I bought it immediately.”

 

Ok, so this isn’t a dream. It’s fucking reality. My heart is beating rapidly. “When did you buy it?”

 

“Two months back,” He smiles.

 

“Oh my gosh! How did you not tell me anything about it all this while? How did you keep your mouth shut,” I’m very surprised. Harry isn’t the one who can keep secrets from me, he feels utterly uneasy if he does.

 

He huffs, “Don’t ask! I wanted to tell you all about it every day, but the thought of gifting it to you by surprise kept my mouth shut.” He kisses the tip of my nose, “I wanted to see the reaction on your pretty face when you see this the first time.”

 

An ear to ear smile breaks on my face. I’m so so so happy that he was so thoughtful. “Hazza! It was for me to buy, not for you to gift me.”

 

“I know darling, but I didn’t want to let go such an opportunity. I promise I won't interfere in future,” he raises his hands in the air.

 

“Cool then, don’t buy me the small home I have been dreaming to buy,” I say. I have lots of dreams that I want to fulfill. Life’s pretty long and hopefully, I can fulfill all of them.

 

“Absolutely! It’s yours. I’ll just stand by your side and watch it come to life,” He says and I know he is going to keep his promise. “Want to see the garden?”

 

I forgot all about the garden that I saw. “Yes!” I say excitedly and get up from his lap towards the door that opens to the garden.

 

The cool air of the night touches my exposed skin as soon as I step out. The fairy lights seem like stars twinkling at me. From what I can make out at this time of the hour, the property is constructed in a very country-ish way, exactly what I’ve been dreaming of owning.

 

Harry holds me from behind and whispers, “There’s a mini pond there with so many colorful fishes and lotus flowers grow in them.”

 

I turn my head to look at him, “Pond! Aww… not many builders have ponds in their project. I bet everyone loved it,” Even I would have bought it knowing there is a pond here.

 

“Personal pond, honey! This garden is ours.” Harry says.

 

My mouth hangs open as he says it. What!!!!

 

“This was what the builder wanted for themselves, so they made a private garden, installed a marble fountain, got so many trees planted here. If you walk a little to the right you can see a small winery setup there. I only got a pond made for us.” He says.

 

I throw my hand in his arms and squeal in delight, “This is perfect Harry! I love love it. Let’s go see it,” I take his hand and pull him towards it.

 

“Not now! You know I’m not very ok with going into woods or garden at night. It’s creepy,” Harry says pulling me back. “But as soon as the sun comes out we go and see the entire property.”

 

“Ok! What do you suggest we do till then,” I say brushing his lips against mine. The shine in his eyes can light up an entire city.

 

He opens the knot of my robe, his cool fingertips brush over my tummy, sending tingles. “I can think of few things we can do right now. And all of it involves us being wrapped around each other, doing things to each other with our mouth.” He trails his fingers to my shoulders and slips off the robe which falls down to my feet. “Oops!”

 

I cross my ankles around his waist as he picks me up and takes me to our bedroom.

 

*

*


	9. Chapter 9

 

“Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and feel the earth,” Angus says. He is my pottery class instructor. In his mid-forties, he sure looks like he is in his sixties. The poor man has aged beyond his years.

 

But anyway, this is my first day of my pottery class. Yay! I have been waiting so badly to start it. Even on our weekend away in Paris — oh! Lovely Paris! — my mind drifted a couple of times to my first class.

 

Speaking of Paris, it was the most relaxing and amazing weekend of my life. Not having a clock in the house helped me realize how much dependent on clocks and time I am. I mean, I would have lunch at a certain time, regardless of whether I’m hungry or not, come back home on time just before dinner, went to back to bed on time so I wake up on time in the morning. During the weekend, we woke up as we pleased, ate when we were hungry. We weren’t bound by a clock or a system. More or less, it was something both of us needed.

 

“There. Now feel your connection with the Mother Earth,” Angus says.

 

I can feel the earth with both my hands deep in the clay. I’m not sure if I can feel the connection. Even though it smells so amazing, I’m sure all the clay is ruining my nails. Eh! Just not sure if I’ll like to see my hands covered in wet clay later.

 

Angus said, before we started with the class, we all should feel comfortable with getting our hands dirty with clay. I totally supported his views until I realized they are not giving us any gloves to cover or hands or any overalls to save my expensive clothes from being ruined. My heartbeat raced thinking about my red Yves Saint Laurent t-shirt getting covered in clay. Angus asked us to pick an apron from the tub in the corner. It took me ten minutes to find a decent one which didn’t have much mud stains on it already.

 

In the back of my head, I’m still worried about my t-shirt!

 

But I’m here to learn something which will probably mark the course of my future, I must keep all these worries away and get back to learning. Besides, who knows, maybe this is my red letter day.

 

“Louis,” Angus says. I open my eyes to look at him standing just right in front of me, “You need to put your entire hand inside the wet clay, not just your fingertips.”

 

My jaw drops open. “I’m feeling the connection with earth this way properly.” I can totally feel Mother Earth’s plea to be saved. I think I heard her sob too at some point.

 

“No, you’re not getting me. When you are going to mold the clay into pots or any other thing of your likeness, your hands are going to get dirty. Get the awkwardness out of the way, and put your entire hand inside,” He says firmly. How _very dare him_ to talk to me like this!

 

I look around and the other five people in class have their hands covered in clay. All eyes are on me — not in a good or pleasing way. They all are looking at me like I don’t belong here. Fuck it! I’m gonna prove it to them that I can do this too, and I’ll do this better than them. Keeping my face straight, I dip my hands in the wet clay and the inside of me start screaming. This should feel good, but all I can think of is my hands getting all muddy. What if there are germs in it, and I get some kind of disease from it. Oh god!

 

“Very good,” He smiles just a little and walks away. I don’t like him.

 

P.S. at the back of my head I’m still very, very concerned about my t-shirt. Only at the back of my head!

 

We proceed with the class and are provided with an electric wheel on which we are going to learn to make pots. Why aren’t these wheels spotless? They have mud around their edges as well. Jeez! When I’ll take classes, I provide everything clean and spotless. I’ll organize the best pottery class and workshops in the whole of London.

 

Angus picks a dough of mud and puts it in the center of the wheel. “The first step is to make sure that the clay is damp.” He takes some water from the can next to him and wets the clay. “You can’t squeeze the water on it or put some water in it beforehand. You need to wet the clay as required.”

 

Even though I washed my hands after getting my hands covered in clay, there’s still some of it around my nails. They didn’t give wet tissues or anything to soak they dry or clean hands properly. They just provided a hand towel which I believe they got from some discount store. I’ll get more germs from using these towels than the clay.

 

I pick some water from the can and put over the clay. The water is slightly muddy, the wheel is muddy, the entire setup is muddy. I’m getting pissed off now. This is so unhygienic.

 

“To mold the clay upwards, you squeeze it and move it upwards for you,” Angus says.

 

I do the same but — uh — it falls apart. Clay covers the entire wheel while everyone’s is still at the center. Some of the clay splashes on my apron. Oh no! My shirt. I have a lunch to attend afterward. This is getting ridiculous. This is why they should provide overalls.

 

“Louis! Do it patiently,” Angus says. “Put little more pressure on the clay!”

 

“I’m trying,” I protest.

 

I try to make a small pot through the session, but I can’t get the clay behave. I keep fucking with the consistency of water and clay, and half of the time I worry about my shirt. By the time the class ends, I have smears of clay on my cheek, on my hair, and even worse, on my jeans. I purposely wore dark colored one but somehow some of the clay decided they wanted to fly and sit on my jeans. Don’t even ask me about my hands. Damn it!

 

Thankfully, John comes to pick me up at the pottery class so I don’t have to worry about hailing a taxi like this. Everyone from the class looks at me like I’m some kind of ghost as I sit inside my black Merc- Benz AMG. What is their problem!

 

I can’t go to the lunch like this. Everyone will laugh at me if I show up looking this dreadful. I don’t even have time to go back home, get a shower and change. Suddenly an idea pops into my head, and I call my ex-coworker in Harrods. I ask him to pick me out a nice shirt and jeans. When I get there, he lets me use the washroom that is strictly for employees. I take a quick warm shower there and use the toiletries he put for me, like samples of my favorite lotion, shampoo, and hair gel.

 

I feel more human right now. I even smell good. I take a deep breath and lean back on the seat. It’s a lovely day, the sun is shining. Suddenly, I have the memory of Harry and me lying down in our garden in Paris yesterday. It was comparatively warm yesterday and I wanted to take in all the sun I could. Harry read me his favorite book as we lay there. I feel quite nostalgic right now. I wanna go back there and spend time with Harry and worry about nothing. Just us in our own little bubble.

 

John pulls the car into my friend Peter’s driveway. It’s his and his partner’s six month anniversary and he is throwing a barbeque. I just don’t remember which kind of anniversary, kiss anniversary or fuck anniversary. It doesn't matter because I’m here just for food. Peter is my friend from college, and the wonderful thing is his partner works with Lottie and the marketing of her jewelry line. She’ll be here too. She tried reaching me over the weekend but my phone was switched off. As soon as we landed this morning, I sent her the message saying we’ll talk at the party.

 

As I step into the living room of his house, I’m welcomed by a round of hooting, cheering, and eye rolls. All my friends and foes are here. This is going to be an extremely long lunch. I hug few of my friends. It’s nice to see them. I roll my eyes super hard at those who rolled at me first; it isn’t so nice to see them. Bitches! I find Peter and walk towards him.

 

“Louis!” I’m interrupted by Abigail West as I’m talking to Peter. She never looked good to me and she doesn’t look pleasing in that awful green dress. Green is my favorite color and here she is insulting something I love like that.

 

“Abigail!” I fake my smile, the fakest I can possibly fake. I don’t like her an inch. Her pink spikey pumps are so atrocious. I swear Cliff has a better sense of clothing than her. Leave Cliff, even a dumb mannequin will have a better sense of dressing than her.

 

“We didn’t see you at the wine tasting at SoHo house over the weekend,” she says. Since when does she care about me? “Has quitting your job and taking a break made you a proper house husband!” she giggles. Her bitches giggle with her too. I can feel all the eyes in the room at me. “What were you doing? Cleaning the house, doing laundry, feeding your dog? What Louis!”

 

I can still hear some giggles and low murmurs around me. Ok, but why does anyone care what I was doing over the weekend! These high society jobless people who live off their cheating husband’s money and name, have nothing better to do in their lives.

 

“Aw darling, it might come as a disappointment to you but my husband flew me to Paris for our date over the weekend.” I can see her mouth setting into a hard line. “Did I mention he gifted me a boutique apartment with a private garden, a winery, and a pond. Not to rub salt in your wound, but we both switched off our phones and spent every minute there with each other. He also played me guitar while I took a rest after our long sex marathon.”

 

Her mouth drops open and everyone around me goes quiet. Good! Stay quiet, everyone.

 

“Now, will you do me a favor and ask your husband to stop asking around about me. I’m not giving him any chance. It’s getting on my nerves now. Dare he come in front of me, I’ll break his nose and no surgery on the world will be able to put it back together.” I say. Her eyes flutter between me and floor. For a second I feel bad for her that she has an ass for a husband. But that’s just for a second. She married him for money, not love.

 

“Now will you excuse me, I have to find a pink haired, baby blue-eyed female version of me.” I walk past her to the open area to look for Lottie.

 

“Charlotte is over there,” someone tells me. I pause for a second and realize she is telling me where Lottie is. I think I’m hearing her actual name for the first time in years. Nobody calls her Charlotte, even she would be surprised if someone called her by that name.

 

She is standing near the mini fountain, her back towards me and talking to the same girl Matt has been with all this time. Shit! Lottie will rip the head off if she pisses her.

 

As I approach near them, I can hear their voices growing louder. Lottie flings her bag and hits the girl’s arm with it. I run towards her and pull Lottie back.

 

“Lots! Stop.” I say. Her eyes are filled with tears and nose is red. “Darling, what are you doing?”

 

“Hold your sister,” the girl says.

 

“Excuse me. Who are you?” I ask her. I’m mad at her for ruining my sister’s lunch.

 

“I’m Elena and I work with Matt. Why is your sister behaving so rudely? She even broke up with Matt and he still doesn't know why?” she says.

 

“Oh my, he has been going behind my back with you and you have a nerve of saying he doesn’t have any idea,” Lottie clenches her fists. I hold her back, she might just punch her.

 

A look of confusion draws on Elena’s face, “What are you even talking about? When did he cheat on you? Let alone with me?”

 

“Yeah we both saw you in that restaurant and Matt lied to me about being at work. He wasn’t. He was with you in The Savoy and then he went to a club with his arms around you. We ain’t blind or fools like that,” I say.

 

“Whatever you both are saying or implying at, let me clear one thing. I’m a lesbian and Matt has been helping me get over my utterly bitter breakup. That day in The Savoy I was having a rough day after my ex-girlfriend took all her stuff from my house. I was heartbroken, so to cheer me up, he took me there. We went to that club with everyone from work so I can have a good time. But you... Damn you, Lottie, you were dancing so cheaply with those guys. Matt was so embarrassed with you; that’s why he left,” she says.

 

It feels like someone punched me or slapped me so hard. I can barely breathe. Tears are streaming from Lottie’s eyes like waterfalls.

 

“So please, save your hate towards me. You messed your perfect relationship by yourself,” she says and leaves.

 

Lottie breaks into proper sobs. I try to hold her but she jerks away from me.

 

“I told you to forget about it, Lou! Why didn’t you? Look what you did,” she says loudly. “I wouldn’t have doubted him if you didn’t make me doubt him. I would have talked to him at some point but you kept telling me that he will lie.”

 

I look at her gobsmacked. Shit! What have I done? Everyone around me asked me to drop it and I didn’t. I wish I did. I meddled with her future. I ruined her engagement. Never I had wanted to be, but here I’m, my sister’s culprit.

 

“Lots…” I begin to say.

 

She cuts me off, “Please don’t. I can’t hear a word from you right now.”

 

She storms off to the garden and house while I just stand there, frozen. I can’t even look at anyone or myself, I feel guilty to the bone. In my head, I can hear the voices of Harry, Niall, Zayn asking me to let Lottie and Matt solve the issue by themselves. Harry even asked me not to interfere and I didn’t listen to him. How will I ever be able to show him my face again? How will I tell him what have I done! How will I ever go in front of my mother, I can’t even begin to think how mad she would be at me now. I suddenly feel so tired, drained of everything.

  
  


 

I hear footsteps approaching. They must be Harry’s. I don’t know how long I have been sitting here on the floor of our room, in the dark. Suddenly the entire room fills with light. I raise my head to look at him. He has his suit jacket in his hand, tie loose around his neck and top button open.

 

“You could be less dramatic and not sit here in dark.” Harry throws his jacket and tie to the nearest couch and comes to sit next to me.

 

“I fucked up, H.” I’m still feeling so guilty. It’s like I crushed something beautiful with my own two hands and that something didn’t even belong to me.

 

“I know,” he says slowly. “I talked to Lottie. I thought it was a while since I talked to her, so I called her on my way back home and she told me everything.”

 

Shit! I bury my head in my hands. I can't bring myself to look at him right now.

 

Harry gently takes my hands in his, “Lou! They’ll be fine. Lottie has said she’ll talk to him.”

 

I remain silent for a while. I don’t even have any words to form a proper sentence. I feel like I have betrayed Lottie’s trust in me. I don’t know if it was my instinct or my recklessness that took over me. How could I be so careless? How could I be so blinded that it never occurred to me that what people around me are saying might be right too? We all see the world in a different manner, but assuming that you are right is like fooling yourself without a reason.

 

“Let’s go out for dinner!” Harry says slowly, still holding my hand.

 

“Really! I messed up everything and you want to go out and grab dinner!” He isn’t making any sense right now.

 

“Well, you sitting here, beating yourself down isn’t helping anything either. Maybe a good dinner will help ease your stress and you’ll be able to think more clearly,” Harry intertwines our fingers.

 

I simply look at him, I can’t even think of an answer. Maybe he is right, maybe he is not. Maybe going outside will clear my head.

 

“Won’t that make me a selfish person? I mean my sister is suffering because of me, and if I go out outside to have a nice evening, won’t it be bad on my part!”

 

“Are you a selfish person, Louis?” he asks me, looking straight into my eyes.

 

I shake my head. I may be a pain in the arse sometimes but I’m never a selfish person. I will never stoop that low. I have a dignity and self-respect and I love to maintain them.

 

“Then it won’t be so bad!” He smiles. “Looking to clear your head is never considered selfish.” He stands up, smooths his pants and offers me his hand, “Come on, let’s go for a drive then. We can take something from In & Out. I’ll drive.”

 

I look up at him, considering the options. I don’t know what I want. But Harry is standing in front of me with a slight smile on his face. Maybe he is right, going out will help me look at things in another way. I take his hand and get up.

 

“Harry,” I say as he turns around to walk out of the room. He turns back to look at me. “I’m sorry!” I don’t know where it came from but I had to put it out there.

 

“Lou!” Harry whispers caressing my cheek. I can feel a huge lump in my throat. I hug Harry and feel instantly at peace. Harry hugs me even tighter knowing what I need to most right now. He always knows.

  


*

 

I groan internally as we enter the lobby of our building, Mary Colbert is standing by the reception. After a shitty day, this is the last thing I need.

 

“Hey,” She turns around as the receptionist points at us approaching. She is holding her cat. They found her! Nice.

 

“Hey,” Harry greets her. I roll my eyes at her. Need to get out of here before we have another disagreement over something.

 

She looks at me, “I wanted to thank you for helping in finding my cat, Dorothy!”

 

“I didn’t help at all, because I didn’t care enough in the first place,” I say.

 

“The concierge told me that you asked him to look for my cat around in the property. He formed a team and they found her at the far end, she was probably lost.” She says.

 

Oh yes, I remember asking him to look for her, but that’s it. I never followed up on whether they found her or not.

 

“I asked him for the same but he wasn’t too interested in doing so. But since you asked them to search for her, they did.” She says coyly. “So thank you! I - it really means a lot.” She nods along with her words.

 

I don’t know what to say to her.

 

“You would know how heartbreaking it is to not see your pet around. I mean, you have a pet to,” She continues.

 

“Why do you have to bring everything back to Cliff? Leave him alone!” I genuinely don’t want to think about the possibility of losing Cliff. Not now, not ever.

 

“I didn’t mean to say it in a negative way. Thanks though. I left few messages for you both but they said you didn’t come home over the weekend. I hope you both had a good one.” Her gaze shifts between both of us. “I’ll leave you both.”

 

Harry nods, takes my hand and we make our way out for the drive.

  
*

 

 _Pick up my call, Lots, please._ This is my third call to her this morning. She isn’t picking up my calls or replying to my messages. She is very badly avoiding me. I need to know if she has talked to Matt or not? Did they sort everything out? I hope they have. I can’t bring myself to call my mum and ask her about the current status. I don’t have the guts. I’m not quite ready to see her or hear her being disappointed in me.

 

“Louis, can you concentrate on the class!” Angus says, which sounds more like a warning. I’m not disturbing anyone, I’m doing my things as well and letting others do theirs.

 

“I’m having a bit of a rough day. Excuse me for my lack of concentration,” I say putting my phone back in my pocket. I purposely wore trackies today. Zayn won’t mind if I meet him wearing these.

 

“If you’ll focus on the pottery making, it will help relieve your stress,” Angus says. I look around and everyone is looking at me. They need to stop looking at me like this. It makes me uncomfortable. I don’t mind being stared at in admiration, but staring at me with question marks on their faces or blank expressions makes it awkward.

 

I huff out a breath, “I’ll try.”

 

I pick up the slab of clay and put it on the wheel. I take some water to wet the clay.

 

“So, today, we’ll again try to make a pot. Some of you did a good job yesterday while some of you didn’t.” He pauses and looks at me. This jerk . He smiles slightly, “But not to worry. We’ll try it again today.”

 

“I know it was only me in the class who couldn’t make a proper pot yesterday, Angus. You don’t have to be subtle, you can just say it.” It comes out harsher and meaner than I want it to.

 

First Lottie not picking up my calls, and then him trying to make me feel bad about not being able to make a stupid clay pot. This day has just started, and it’s bad already.

 

He looks away. “Anyway, let’s continue.”

 

I start the wheel and try to squeeze the clay gently. It rises to a level. I add some more water and try to make a hole on the top for the opening of the pot.

 

_‘You did it, Lou!’_

 

_‘I can’t hear another word from you right now.’_

 

Lottie’s words keep echoing in my head. I couldn’t sleep properly last night. I tried counting sheeps to fall asleep, but after counting 340th I gave up. It was not helping. Harry was tired so he fell asleep as soon as we got inside the covers. I didn’t wake him up; he needed rest. I started at the wall blankly for hours, left Lottie few messages telling her how sorry I was. Nothing gave me peace. Instead, it made me more anxious. I must talk to her!

 

Oh no! The clay falls on the wheel, and some of it spatters around. Shit!

 

“Louis!” Angus says loudly. “Pay attention to your work.”

 

I don’t look up at him. I gather all the clay and start the process again. This time I do it carefully.

 

 _‘Lou, don’t get involved. They’ll sort it out.’_ I hear Harry’s voice in my head.

 

 _‘Not everything is the way it seems,’_ Niall’s.

 

There’s a weird feeling in my chest right now. I can’t remember how many times I have heard these voices in my head since yesterday, but every time they manage to shock me.

 

I did the most unimaginable thing ever. How could I? Why wasn’t I thinking clearly?

 

I gasp loudly as the clay falls apart again. Damnit! This needs to stop I need to concentrate more.

 

“Louis Tomlinson!” Angus says firmly.

 

“Yeah, I know my name, Angus; you don’t have to call me out like this. I told you I was having a bad day.” I try to put it all back again.

 

“Yeah, you know what, Louis? Try keeping that outside the class,” he says.

 

“Do you think I’m enjoying this, being miserable?”

 

“I have no idea what a rich person like you would have to be gloomy about, apart from missing a good lunch,” he smirks.

 

What the fuck!

 

“I have worked my ass off for years to be where I am today, and I don’t need to be made feel small about owning the shit I do. If you’d be little more polite, you’ll reach there too.” I stand up from my place, and throw the hand towel on the wheel after wiping my hands in it.

 

“You know what! I don’t need this, or you. This isn’t for me.” I start walking towards the door. “And you all need to stop looking at me like I’m an alien,” I say to everyone in the class. I look at Angus, “And you need to learn some basic manners on how to help the ones that don’t know shit about clay.”

 

I storm out of the class without looking back again. Angus can choke. And Harry was right again. Pottery isn’t for me. It isn’t because of my lack of concentration. I can’t seem to connect to it; I just don’t feel the same about it, the way I feel about clothes. The desire to make it prettier or classier, like I have with clothes, isn’t there. I really shouldn’t have bothered. It looked pleasing at first but doesn’t speak to me. I’m not cut for this.

 

John opens the door of my car when I approach. He also hands me a cup of hot coffee.

 

Bless him.

  


*

 

“What are you wearing, Lou?” Zayn shrieks as soon as I enter the studio.

 

“Can’t care less about what I’m wearing. By the way, it doesn’t look so bad apart from a couple of clay stains on the sleeves.” I say walking inside further.

 

A few mannequins are placed around the room with samples of clothes that have been designed for his collection. Today we have to approve them or make any final changes in them that might be required. I pick up the Versace coffee table book and sit on the couch with my legs propped on the table.

 

Zayn looks blankly at me. “You need to change.”

 

Since when does he care what I wear? Just because he is not wearing sweatpants today he can decide no one else should wear it too? Huh!

 

I shake my head and open the book, not in a mood to continue this conversation.

 

“Lou, you can’t wear this in front of Antonio. He’ll be here any moment.” Zayn’s forehead creases.

 

I look up at him. “Who is Antonio and why does he care what I’m wearing?”

 

Some noise from outside the door grabs our attention. I can see a small group of immaculately dressed people walking inside. All of them have straight faces and it seems like they don’t know a facial expression. They all are also dressed head-to-toe in black. Men are wearing black pants, black shirts, and blazers. Their black leather shoes are shinier than the floor in this room. The ladies have their hairs pulled up in neat ponytails. They are wearing black pencil skirts, turtlenecks, and blazers with sky-high black stilettos. Their click clacks fill the room. They all have one thing in common; they look like robots. Also, they all are holding iPads in their hands which makes them even more similar.

 

I look around. Everyone is looking at them. Who are they? I haven’t seen them around in the office.

 

A second later, a man wearing striped white and black pants with white shirt and yellow blazer enters the room. His hair is straight and long, and he is wearing a fedora. His cherry-red leather lace shoes are the standout. He looks slightly tanned. I am immediately impressed by his personality.

 

“Antonio!” Zayn walks up to him to greet him. I feel like I should get up from the couch. He seems like an important person.

 

Oh, so he is Antonio! A quick glance at the team behind him tells me that he likes his people dressed properly, head to toe. But I’m not his employee, so maybe he won’t mind. Maybe! What is he doing here by the way?

 

“Nice to meet you again, Zayn!” Antonio says, in a thick Italian accent, as he shakes Zayn's hand.

 

Zayn proceeds to introduce him his entire team. Antonio turns to look at me.

 

“And who are you?” Antonio looks at me from top to bottom. It takes all of my self-control not to sass him then and there.

 

“I’m Louis,” I say politely.

 

Zayn interjects, “Louis is my best friend. He’s helping me with the collection. He’s really good with clothes.” Zayn has a smile on his face as he talks about me.

 

Antonio sighs, “Doesn’t look like he has a great taste in clothing.” He is still looking at me like I’m nothing.

 

Zayn ignores his comment and turns to look at me, “Lou, this is Antonio. I met him last weekend at the event. He is an incredible designer. He is the brain behind all the amazing collections Versace has launched in all these years.” Zayn seems so excited to talk about him.

 

Antonio laughs, “You are too kind, man.”

 

“No, but you _are_ brilliant.” Zayn looks at him fondly, and then turns to look at me again, “I asked him if he could help me out with the collection, and he agreed. Isn’t it wonderful!” Zayn is smiling broadly.

 

Er! Zayn asked someone else to help with the collection as well. I mean… it’s his collection, so obviously he can ask anyone he likes for help. But he never informed me about it. I’m kinda feeling not too okay with it. It isn’t like I don’t want Zayn to ask help from anyone else, it’s just that I know him inside out and I can help him do justice to the collection. Antonio, on the other hand, is not even his friend. He doesn't know him or who he is really. How can he help in designing something that is a reflection of him?

 

We were both doing fine till now, and Zayn’s collection was coming along well till now. I’m not so sure what is gonna happen now. Having a lot of people help you on a project is a good and bad idea. Everyone wants to leave their own mark on your work. They would change the way you initially wanted it to come out, saying how doing it another way would look so much better, etc. And at the end, you get something that isn’t even a true reflection of yourself. Maybe you are not too satisfied with the outcome as well. Inviting a lot of people to get involved in your personal project takes away its essence. I hope Zayn doesn’t get too influenced by him and keeps his headstrong about what he wants.

 

“Shall we gentlemen?” Zayn asks looking at both of us. I nod, smiling. Antonio returns the nod, and I have a feeling we aren’t going to get along.

 

Three hours later, I know it.

 

Yep, totally not getting along. Every second has passed so slowly, it’s a torture to me. Whatever I suggest, Antonio either dismisses it by mocking it or saying it doesn’t sound right. Zayn mostly agrees with him.

 

I only gave Zayn some ideas, never forced them upon him. He brainstormed the entire collection by himself, I only helped him in making it slightly better. But Antonio is telling him how doing things some other way will make his collection more lucrative. Zayn never wanted to turn it into a money-making thing but something that will connect him to his fans. Antonio is not getting the idea behind the collection, and Zayn is too happy letting him change everything.

 

I need to stop Zayn before he makes some seriously stupid decisions.

 

 

 

 

I twirl the spoon in the bowl of pho again and again mindlessly. I can’t bring myself to eat anything even though pho is June’s specialty and my favorite. I seem to have lost all my appetite.

 

“Lou, babe, why are you not eating?” Harry asks politely.

 

“I had a bad day!” I say, not looking at him. I think somewhere I have let him down too and I don’t know what to do.

 

He places his hand over mine, “Tell me.”

 

I sigh and turn towards him, “First, Lottie won’t talk to me. She hasn’t replied to my messages or calls. Second, I quit pottery. Third, Zayn invited someone else to help him with the collection as well. I don’t like the guy.”

 

Harry is looking at me, his eyebrows raised in concern. “I’ll try talking to Lottie and try finding out what is going on,” he says. “Why did you quit pottery?”

 

“The mentor was rude to me,” I say. Harry frowns. “And I couldn’t quite connect myself to Mother Earth. I just didn’t feel too interested in it. It only seemed like a good idea in my head, and you were right about me not even making it till the third day.”

 

“Weren’t you supposed to prove me wrong?” he chides.

 

“I wanted to, but that would only be to prove that I can do it more than three days, when in reality, I got over it the first day,” I admit. Harry pouts.

 

“What is with Zayn?”

 

“He asked a creative designer, Antonio, to help him with the collection. Harry, I have a feeling that he will change everything about it and the collection won’t be anything that Zayn wanted it to be.” I say.

 

“Well, talk to him about this!”

 

“I will! I just hope he understands how important it is to stick to what he has planned. He looked pretty happy with what Antonio suggested.”

 

“Then maybe he wants this,” Harry says.

 

“No, Haz! He wants this now because it’s a new idea and looks shiny on the surface. It’s far from what he anticipated. I can’t let that happen.”

 

“When you explain to him why this isn’t a good idea, he will understand. And that’s why you are there, to stop him from doing anything stupid. Don’t worry; it’ll all be fine.” Harry smiles slightly.

 

“Yeah,” I mouth. I don’t have anything else to say. Maybe I should go to bed and hope that tomorrow isn’t as bad as today.

 

Hopefully, it won’t be.

  
  
*


	10. Chapter 10

 

I can feel my nerves shot up as I wait outside my mother’s door, but I have no other option than to come here. I’m extremely worried about Lottie, and her I’m-avoiding-you-brother attitude is not settling well with me. I hope to catch her before she leaves for work.

 

It’s not Lottie’s reluctance to talk to me that’s giving me cold feet; it’s my mother’s reaction. I tried talking to Lottie on the phone so I wouldn’t have to face my mum but seems like it’s inescapable. I can hear footsteps approaching. Taking a deep breath, I prepare myself to face whatever is coming.

 

Mum opens the door and we both look at each other for few second, me with an apologetic face and she with a resentful gaze. I walk into the house trying not to look at her further.

 

“Where’s Lottie?” I don’t have any other words to say to her, so I just get to the point.

 

“Not sure she wants to see you right now.” She closes the door and goes to pick up the empty breakfast plates from the counter. Looks like Lottie is at least eating properly. That’s the plus side of living with mothers, they never let you step out the door without a proper meal.

 

I walk towards her bedroom and knock on the door, “Lots, I wanna talk.” I’m literally begging to her now.

 

“I’m not here, Lou. Just go away,” She shouts from inside.

 

Honestly, can she just listen to me? I’m gonna make her talk to me. She can’t keep doing this forever. “Lots, I’ll come inside if you don’t open the door in three seconds!”

 

I hope, really hope she opens the door. Now I think three seconds was a really short margin of time I gave her. She obviously can’t decide if she wants to talk to me or not in three seconds when she hasn’t in two days.

 

Suddenly she opens the door, leaving me to stumble as I lean into it. “Told you I’m not here.”

 

I balance myself and try to catch up with her as she walks quickly outside to the living room. “I can talk to your ghost form, no issues there. Talk to me Lots!”

 

She turns to look at me. Her hairs are tied in a bun, and she is wearing a jumper and jeans, something that she reserves for days when she doesn’t feel like getting ready. “Really, is there anything else left for you to say even?”

 

“Stop being difficult and talk to me,” I say.

 

“Difficult! Did you just say I am being difficult?” She looks at me aghast. “Louis, you are the reason that my engagement broke.”

 

“What! How am I the reason for it? You broke your engagement yourself, Lottie. I never asked you to do it.” I try hard to remember if I ever said her in so many words to break her engagement.

 

“Oh my God! Who asked me what would I do if I caught him cheating on me? Who kept me away from talking to him? Who made me think that I’m better without him?” She says and tears swell in her eyes.

 

Shit! Was it all my doing? Did I drive her to the edge without really knowing both sides?

 

“You should have been there to tell me to trust him, not doubt him. You should have asked me to talk to him, not keep me away from it. Given that you have been with the same person for almost a decade now, you should know how relationships work,” she scolds. Tears fall from her eyes.

 

“It was your responsibility too, to save your relationship,” I reply quickly. Not sure where it came from but I can see how badly my words affected her as her face falls further.

 

“Shut up, both of you.” Mum enters the room, shouting at us. “You both are at fault.” I have never seen her this mad. But seeing her children having a battle with words, I can’t blame her.

 

We both never fought like this, we have always politely solved any issue between us. Or if we were mad at each other we sass each other out. Nobody would win or lose then but we would know where we stood.

 

She points at Lottie, “You talk to Matt!”

 

“I can’t.” She wipes her stray tears and looks at me. “He isn’t talking to me! And I don’t know how to face him after what I have done.”

 

She picks her bag and leaves the house, slamming the front door behind her. I stand frozen to the spot. For a moment it feels like everything around me has come to a standstill.

 

Mum turns to look at me, “I can’t being to explain how disappointed I am with you, Lou!”

 

I can feel my heart in my throat. My gaze turns to the floor, I can’t bring myself to look at her. Everything I have been trying to avoid is here. I can’t see her being disappointed at me.

 

“You started it and you are going to fix it. I don’t care how!” She says sternly and leaves the room leaving me standing there alone.

*

 

This the second day that I’m watching Zayn make stupid decisions. Where’s Niall when you need him, he can talk some sense into him. But no, he decided to go to Ireland over the weekend to see his extended family and hasn’t returned yet.

 

I feel utterly miserable, and Zayn is not helping my state at all. He is standing in front of the mannequin wearing a bomber trench jacket with the white and black pattern on the inside, thinking how he can change it so it is more attractive. I can’t remember if that was ever the word he used to describe what he wanted for his collection.

 

“How about we make it wearable from both sides. Like you can wear it inside out as well and both sides have different patterns!” Zayn says. His team ‘oohs’ at his thought. He puts his hands on his hips and says, “We can use a yellow and black as the checkered pattern of one side.”

 

Yellow! What the fuck. He is out of his mind. He got brain-washed properly yesterday.

 

“What do you think, Lou?” He turns back to ask me.

 

“Not sure about the color yellow,” I say.

 

“Why? It’s a good color.”

 

“Just not your color,” I raise my eyebrows at him. Seriously, can he stop with it already, and get back to his original ideas?

 

“Who said that! I wear yellow.” He looks at me wide-eyed as if yellow was his all-time favorite color and that he has a special side in his closet dedicated to that color and I should know it.

 

“You wear it because your stylist asks you to wear it. You don’t do it by yourself,” I say. I don’t think he’s bought anything in yellow in a long time. I pick up my iced tea from the table and touch it to my forehead, hoping it will cool down my mind.

 

He thinks for a while before speaking. “But it’s a nice color!” He turns back to look at the jacket.

 

I sigh loudly. He should know I’m not okay with whatever he is planning to change in the collection. It will only make the collection look bad. I lean back in the chair and put my feets up on the table and look out of the window thinking about what happened this morning. How much I wish I could have made her talk to me and listen to me!

 

“What happened, Lou? You have been very uninterested in the work since yesterday,” Zayn says, lighting a cigarette.

 

“Nothing,” I mumble. I don’t have the energy to deal with it.

 

“No, tell me.” He walks towards me and it looks like he is pissed out. Was my sigh too loud for his sigh-bearing capacity? “You have been acting weird.”

 

“I have a lot going on, Zayn, and don’t talk to me in that voice,” I say.

 

“That doesn’t answer what I asked,” he says.

 

I let out a breath, “What do you want to hear, then? I don’t agree with what you are doing with your collection.”

 

“Really? What don't you agree with? What doesn’t suit you?” he asks. “I’m just doing as Antonio suggested.”

 

“Really! Because it seems like you want your entire collection revolving around his ideas rather than your own,” I say loudly.

 

“What are you mad at, Lou?”

 

“I’m not mad at anything, Zayn. I feel like I am out of the loop on everything. I was away for a weekend and it seems like my entire world decided to turn upside down. Lottie won’t talk to me. You have a new friend who is helping you with the collection and I’m here being a mere contributor.”

 

“I tried calling you but your phone was switched off. I wanted to discuss it with you but I couldn’t reach you. And about Lottie, well, you did that by yourself,” he says angrily.

 

“How difficult would it have been for you if you waited few days till I came back?” I say getting up from the couch.

 

“Well he isn’t the one needing some ideas for the collection, it’s me. Why should he wait!” He says.

 

“He would have. You should have taken time to find out what his taste in clothes is. You should have consulted before asking him to join you,” I say.

 

He looks at me gobsmacked.

 

“You are so flattered by him and the way he sweet-talks you that you are ready to change your entire collection for him.” I walk towards the jacket. “Tell me what is wrong with this. Nothing, that’s what. It’s perfect. Moreover, it reflects your creativity. It reflects who you are. And you want to give it all away just because someone in an ugly-ass yellow blazer asks you to do it. It’s not you, Zayn!” I speak loudly and I know I have crossed some lines there. But I had to.

 

“Maybe I want to change something in it. Maybe it is my decision,” he crosses his arms over his chest.

 

“Then maybe you should make up your mind first about what you want to do and stick to it,” I say rather harshly.

 

We both stand there in front of each other, silently looking at each other.

 

“Just leave, Lou,” Zayn says quietly.

 

His words hit me harder than anything. I stand there motionless for a while; frozen to the spot, forgetting how to breathe. Everything around me is still, yet feels like everything is spinning. Even the silence of the room is chilling. Zayn’s cold gaze on me breaks my heart more than anything. I can’t even comprehend how my words would have hit him when his three words did all this to me.

 

I can feel tears prick in the corners of my eyes and I look away from him. Slowly I walk towards the table to pick my phone and packet of cigarette. And without looking back I leave the room, trying to hold myself together.

 

I think I just lost a friend.  

  


*

 

I throw my bags in the corner as soon as I enter the room, John is walking behind me holding countless shopping bags as well. I’m irritated, hungry and exhausted. Today was the worst, I never want to live this day again.

 

I see Harry sitting on the couch with his laptop on his lap, and confusion written all over his face.

 

“What happened, babe!” he asks softly, and gestures for me to come sit next to him.

 

“I went shopping and hit my credit card limit. That’s what happened!” I answer loudly and walk towards the bar. Somewhere I know I shouldn’t have spoken this loudly, but I can’t care about it right now. I need a drink. A strong one. I pick my favorite bottle of Armagnac and pour myself a drink.

 

I throw back my drink and continue, “For the first time, my heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t get excited looking at clothes and stuff. For the first time, I was so detached from all of it, that it made John ask me four times, _four times_ , about what has happened. I didn’t have an answer at first, then I told him everything. So now he knows that I fucked up royally and that my decisions suck. I don’t even know what I bought, I randomly picked up shit and billed them. John, the guy who has seen me shopping for therapy, who has seen me insisting the shops to stay open till I was done and satisfied with my shopping which was anywhere between 3- 4 hours after the official closing time, today saw me confused and uncoordinated.” I take a breath. That was a lot to ramble in a single breath but I’m not done.

 

Harry walks towards me.

 

I have a lot to say, “And guess what the one shirt that I liked in Rag and Bone, I couldn’t buy it because I hit my credit card limit just before that. Even though I’m their regular customer, they looked at me as if I was some random person with a really low credit limit, and asked me if I had cash with me. Who the hell carries cash even. Worse, John asked me if he could buy it for me!” I scream.

 

“What happened to your other card?” Harry asks confused.

 

“It expired on me. Can you believe it! It expired last month without giving me a notice. Why didn’t banks sent me a reminder email that my credit card is about to expire or why they didn’t send me a new one immediately. They should know I can’t do without my credit card.” I’m internally screaming more than I'm shouting with my mouth.

 

Harry suddenly grabs me for a big giant organ-crushing hug. I’m sure I can't breathe, don’t know if it is because of the hug or that I’m nearly out of breath because of all the screaming. He softly kisses my ear and then my temple. As soon as I start to speak again, he puts one finger on my mouth and holds me tightly again for a long time, running his hands over my back to soothe me.

 

“Are you hungry?” he asks. I stare at him blankly, I’m here in the crisis of being broke; b.r.o.k.e mind you, and he only cares if I’m hungry or not, which I am. “You are really not your best on an empty stomach. How about we have dinner first, then you can continue and I’ll make the list of all the people I need to sue for not giving you what you wanted.”

 

Hmm.. Harry going on suing spree sounds like a good idea to me. It’s actually a perfect match like cheese and wine. Suddenly the beep from the oven grabs my attention.

 

“Your favourite pizza is done,” he says smiling. “June made it especially for you with the smoked bbq sauce that you love.” I don’t say a word. My brain has shut down. “Chicken and pepperoni pizza!”

 

He already had me at _pizza_ , there was no need for him to elaborate. I smile a little. He picks up a bottle of red wine and goes to kitchen to get our dinner out the from oven.

  
*  


 

 

Is it just the weather today or does everything looks dull? It can be lightning as well, but since all the lamps and chandeliers of our closet are illuminating the room, I can’t blame them. Then why does everything around me looks so dull? Even the bright yellow and pink roses can’t make the room look pretty today. I sigh and turn my gaze to my reflection in the mirror. Even my skin looks dull.

 

I remove the tag from the shirt and stand there holding it. Generally, I can’t wait to put on my new clothes but today I feel so bereft of any happy emotion. I feel like there is a permanent blanket of dullness on my sentiments.

 

“Hey,” Harry hugs me from behind and kisses the back of my head. He is fully dressed and ready to leave for work.

 

“Hi,” I mouth at him. His arms feel so good around me. I lean back further into him. Can I just stay with him all day or for all eternity, so I don’t have to see anyone ever again or go out and face the world?

 

“Had breakfast?” I ask him and he rubs his hands on my bare arm. Apart from jeans and Calvins, I’m not wearing anything, I don’t even feel like wearing anything.

 

“Yeah, You didn’t join me!” he says softly.

 

“I don’t feel cheery today.” I sigh and look at the buttons of my shirt.

 

“Any plans for today?” he asks.

 

I snort, “Well, Zayn is not exactly my friend now, Lottie would rather eat glass than talk to me and my mother surely don’t want to hear anything from me either. Not to forget, I am horribly broke and without an income to pay it all back. So yeah, I have lots plans like sitting at home all day and drowning in my own self-loathing and eating my feelings for three meals today.”

 

Harry turns me around with a frown on his face, “Hey, you’re not broke. You got me!” Holding out a credit card, he continues, “Here, go enjoy your day. And never say anything about being broke ‘cos you're not and will never be. I’ll make sure of that.”

 

I take the credit card from him and see my name on it. I’m confused! I did not apply for any new one recently. I did get rid of three of my cards five years back after Harry got my two cards upgraded with a higher limit, and I didn’t feel like keeping too many cards.

 

I’m sure he read the confusion on my face and continues to explain me further, “I got you a new card last year with increased limit and you asked me to keep it with me.”

 

“I did? I asked you to keep the credit card with my name on it away from me! Was I half asleep?” That is the only possibility I can think of for keeping a card away from me. Why would I even want that in my proper mind?

 

“Technically yes, you were very drunk and sleepy,” Harry says.

 

I stare blankly at him. Really! Harry just casually mentioned it when I was drunk and never brought it up again when I was sober. Who does that to his own husband?

 

“Now go out and enjoy your day. Shopping will help you relieve the stress that you’ve been going through recently,” he says pulling me into his arms.

 

I think for a while. Yeah, maybe he is right. I really need to get rid of all the stress, maybe shopping will help. I wasn’t in the mood yesterday but maybe today I can do it.

 

“Free for lunch?” I ask him. I can do with some quality bonding time. I don’t feel like spending the entire day by myself. Being alone makes me feel unwanted, I like to be with someone most of the time. I do crave some quiet alone time but not for too long, just a couple of hours. I like having someone around me, it makes me feel secure. It’s just a psychological thing I know and I even know I need to face my fears at some point.

 

“I can’t promise but I promise I’ll try. Our team has the design ready for the NGO’s website and we are going to finalize everything today,” he says.

 

I nod. He has mountains of work all the time and I don’t want to keep him away from any of it just because I need some company. I think I can manage on my own. I will have to.

 

“I love you.” I peck his lips. They feel so warm and soft against mine. Since we came back from Paris we haven’t had a single intimate moment. I miss him!

 

Harry gently caresses my cheek with his thumb. I look into his eyes and it doesn’t take me long to read in them what I’ve been thinking. He missed me too. I tilt my head and move forward so his lips brush against mine while his warm breath falling just near my mouth sending tingles all over my skin. My arms loop around his and we kiss each other deeply.

 

So deeply that I can still feel his lips on mine even after hours.

 

*

 

I smile looking at the Superman canvas hanging in front of me. It looks like a funko Superman flying and has a background of a crumpled paper with stars, moon, and planets drawn on it. Superman’s silhouette falling on the background makes it even more appealing. The artist made an entire collection of these and the idea behind the collection was to spread happiness. Apart from making me smile, it is also making me nostalgic. I remember when I was a kid, I had so many Superman collectibles. From stickers to Superman pajamas, I had everything. Now I have actual figurines of my favorite superheroes in our playroom. Harry thinks they’re creepy, I think they’re exemplary artistic excellence. I mean, who wouldn’t want to have a Hulk in their playroom! Back when we lived in Hampstead, we had a Hulk in our garden. Of course, our neighbors weren’t too happy about it, but who cares.

 

“Do you like the art, sir?” A gallery attendant asks me politely.

 

It is one of my favorite galleries, and I mostly shop for all the art from here. Their artists are very talented and convey deep messages from their work. Last time, I bought a rainbow lion from here and not a single person who has seen it in our house hasn’t complimented it.

 

“Pack the entire collection,” I tell her. I should have all of them. All the superheroes: Wonder Woman, Batman, Spiderman, Superman, Doctor Strange. My favorite is the one in which Doctor Octopus has a startled reaction as Spider-man catches him up to no good. I’m sure the painter left the imagination to the viewer to decide who wins this particular battle.

 

They’ll do in our new house in Paris. Harry said I could do the changes as I liked. I want to keep most of the things the way they are, but a couple of paintings can definite the spaces.

 

“Sure, sir!” She leaves quietly.

 

After going through the gallery for an hour I couldn’t find any other piece of art to my liking. As I went to pay for my previous purchases, I feel giddy. This is the feeling I missed yesterday, the shot of adrenaline when I take out my credit card to pay for the purchase, the satisfactory feeling of finally owning what caught my eye. Everything looks so much better when you buy something. It feels like a victory like you own the bloody world.

 

I take a deep breath feeling delighted as I step out of the store. They said they will get it delivered to my home by evening. I’m so excited. My eyes fall on the blue and green board with ‘Tiffany & Co.” written on white on it. I know where my next stop is.

 

*

 

Coming to Liberty and shopping in the home decor section was definitely not on the list of my day’s agenda. But as we passed Liberty, I thought, why not just have a look at the collection, there’s no harm there. I was casually looking through the embroidered scarves in the clothing section when I heard a lady talking on the phone to her friends and bragging about Liberty’s home decor collection. So when someone talks highly about something you have to go and have a look at it. It’s the law, I don’t make it.

 

I have already asked them to pack three Fornasetti candles that smelled like spring, five brightly colored velvet cushions. We have white silk bedsheet and these cushions will look so good with them. On the plus side, Harry loves velvet. I have also bought two lamps which have copper wire lampshade and they have many brightly colored birds that add to the light and imaginative effect. It will add coziness wherever we decide to put them in the house.

 

Right now, standing at the crockery section, nothing pleases me. Nothing even comes close to the dining set I saw two months back in Dior. I couldn’t buy it that time since I was shopping for one of my clients, and I didn't have enough time to shop for myself. Seems like my next stop is Dior.

 

*

 

I take a deep breath before opening the front door of our home. Harry must be home; it’s after 8 in the evening. I got so carried away with everything today that I forgot to keep the track of the time. I only realized it was late when I checked my phone for any message or email.

 

As I enter the living room, I see Harry working on his laptop and Cliff watching a dog documentary on TV. Harry is wearing sweatpants and soft gray t-shirt. He looks freshly showered, there are few beads of water still on his hair. He turns his head to look at me. A soft smile makes way to his lips as his eyes find me.

 

But the smile doesn’t stay for another second. His face becomes baffled as he watches two concierges pushing their overloaded trolleys behind me. I stand there glued to my spot as Harry watches them unload all the stuff in the room. There seem to be too many items in the trolley. Part of me wants to make sure they put down everything carefully; the other part of me could not care less.

 

Twenty minutes later, after they have emptied their trolleys, they leave. Half of the room’s surface is covered with shopping bags and boxes. Harry quietly sets aside his laptop and walks up to me.

 

“I hit my credit limit again,” I say sheepishly, trying not to look at him. I have a weird sensation on my foot.

Harry takes my face in his hands, “Hey, hey, babe it’s ok.”

 

“I don’t know when I went overboard. I mean I didn’t want to but it happened and I don’t know how.” I blurt out.

 

“Told you. It’s ok!” He smiles and then walks towards the pile of Tiffany boxes. “What are these?” He picks up one of them and opens it.

 

“Tiffany clocks,” I say.

 

“All of them?” He looks at the boxes. “How many are there?”

 

“Yes, I don’t know why I bought twenty of them, but at that time I felt like I should.” I have no idea what got to me when I asked them to pack twenty clocks. Why do I even need twenty clocks?

 

His eyebrows shoot up, “Wow!” he pauses for a second, gauging his reaction and carefully picking his words. “On the brighter side, we won’t have to do Christmas shopping this year. You did that already.” He turns to look at me. “I mean, if you don’t need all of them, then we can give away few as gifts.”

 

I nod and take a step towards Harry but before I can take another, Harry pulls me into his arms.

 

“I told you, it’s ok. Stop worrying.” He says calmly. “If for few hours it kept your mind away from eating itself then all of it is worth it, you get it!”

 

What did I really do to have a husband like him? No, seriously! Neither I nor Harry is religious but when he supports and has my back like this, I wonder I must have done something good or the forces above us are maybe happy with me.

 

“I was thinking maybe I should talk to Lottie and Zayn and try to help you — ” he says, but I cut him mid-sentence.

 

“What! No.. no, Haz, it’s my doing. I’ll sort it out,” I say. It’s my circus and all the monkeys are mine as well.

 

“I just want to help, Lou!” he says. I can see that he wants to sort everything out for once and for all.

 

“You are helping, Harry. You don’t have to do anything further. I got this,” I say even though I don’t know how am I going to sort anything out. If I can even!

  
  
*


	11. Chapter 11

 

**HARRY**

  


The room is absolutely silent apart from the tick-tock of the clock in the corner of their library. The noise from the antique Victorian grandfather clock has always been loud, but right now it seems like it’s deafening. Harry is having a hard time concentrating on his work because of it.

 

He leans back in his chair and gazes at the crystal chandelier on the ceiling. Harry bought it as soon as he saw it in the antique store in Rome when they were on their honeymoon. Louis loved it, and there was absolutely no other reason to buy it. If Louis liked it, they must have it without question. He would rather be damned than to see Louis upset over something.

His eyes fall from the chandelier to the bookcase, then to the carpet, and then he looks around the room. Everything is very close to his heart. This room is his favorite because everything here is picked by both of them and everything in this room shouts their love, something that is Harry’s comfort zone. He loves their bedroom as well, of course, but he doesn’t like to be there alone without Louis.

 

Speaking of Louis, Harry is getting extremely worried about him. He isn’t eating properly again or sleeping, which are Harry’s worst nightmare. The week, when Louis was eating well and sleeping to his heart's content, made Harry happiest. After a long time, maybe the first time in years, Louis had a much-needed break. Louis didn’t sleep properly again last night and the dark circles around his eyes were deeper today. Harry hates seeing him like this. When they kissed yesterday, it gave Harry hope that maybe he’ll get his Louis back and everything will be magically sorted out. It was an impossible thing to expect, but he had a glimmer of hope. But last night when Louis turned away from him again and pretended to sleep, Harry worried again. They have been together for so long that each other’s body language or their breathing pattern can tell them everything they wanna know, they don’t need words or explanations.

 

Now, Harry is determined to solve every last problem that Louis is having and he doesn’t care what it takes. Though Louis has asked him to stay out of it, that won’t stop Harry.

 

Footsteps approaching the room make him aware of his best friend, whom he has been waiting for. Harry has a plan and his best friend is going to help him with it.

 

Harry turns his head towards the door as the knob of the door clicks and he is met with a smiling and radiant Liam. Harry smiles back.

 

“I come bearing coffees,” Liam says holding two Starbucks takeaway cups. The room instantly fills with his cologne and happy sound.

 

“Thanks,” Harry says smiling. He gets up from his chair and gestures Liam towards the sitting area of the room. “You new haircut looks great.” Liam's hair is shorter.

 

Liam had hair long enough to set in a quiff. Harry is sure he won’t be able to do the same now.

 

“You know how skeptical I was about cutting my hair too short. I wasn’t sure if it would look good. I mean, I didn’t want to end up looking like a fool with a bad haircut.” Liam says and sits down on the couch.

 

“Suits you, Liam, though I miss your hero- hair,” Harry says taking the cup from him.

 

“The beauty of hair, it grows back.” Liam sips his coffee. “Also, have you both decided to open a boutique or something! The entire living room is filled with endless shopping bags and boxes. I had to mind my steps.”

 

Harry takes a deep breath. His head held down thinking about it. Finding his strength, he gets up and walks towards the floor to ceiling window. “About that...” he murmurs. “Louis went shopping yesterday.”

 

“I see. Do you know he bought Tiffany clocks?” Liam asks sipping his coffee.

 

“Yeah, twenty of them,” Harry says looking out of the window and leaning on the windowsill.

 

Liam gasps, “How many?”

 

Harry looks at him frowning. He cannot figure out any reason for Liam to give a reaction like this over few bloody clocks. It’s unnecessary.

 

“Harry, do you know they are limited edition clocks, and Tiffany made only hundred and eleven pieces for the entire world!” Liam says.

 

Harry expression turns into something shocked, and all the color leaves his face. He is sure that he forgot to gulp down the sip of coffee. He really did not care about the clocks until now.

 

“You don’t even wanna know how much a single piece cost.” Liam looks at him carefully, trying to not to freak him out further. He can tell Harry wasn’t aware of this but it seems like he should know.

 

“Doesn’t hurt me or my bank account,” Harry says tenaciously.

 

“I know that. It won’t even hurt you or your financial foothold for the next twenty years if Louis spends money like this every day. You have everything under control,” Liam remarks.

 

He knows how careful Harry is with money. He is also very aware of how impulsive Louis is with money. Liam always admires how they both balance their relationship. Louis is always the one who wants to live in the moment, while Harry is the one who keeps the future in mind before doing anything. Sometimes they both are at extremes but somehow they both always walk towards each other till they meet halfway.

 

Harry sighs, “He has been so stressed for past couple of days, and even shopping isn’t helping him.”

 

Back when they both started dating, Liam felt the change Louis brought to Harry’s life. Harry always used to stick to his strict schedule - like waking up at 6 in the morning, being the first one in class, finishing all the assignments and projects before they’re due. There wasn’t anything wrong with his schedule. It was monotonous, just doing the same things every day. To Liam, it seemed like Harry’s life missed colors and that he lived only black and white. But when Louis came to his life, it made Harry realize that there was more to life than following some schedule. Not just that, Harry was more patient since they got married. But somewhere along the line, Louis became the center of Harry’s universe and everything started revolving around him. No, that wasn’t bad either. But if Louis were removed or separated from Harry’s life even theoretically, Harry wouldn’t be able to define himself. If you put Harry in a room with a thousand people and asked him to find Louis, it wouldn’t take him much time because subconsciously he was always drawn towards him. They were like magnets.

 

Liam isn’t opposed to Harry’s love for Louis; he is worried that sometimes love does more damage without realizing it.

 

“Where’s he today?” Liam asks walking towards him.

 

“He took Cliff to the groomers. I think he just wanted to leave the house; seeing so many shopping bags constantly reminded him that he hit his credit limit again in two days and that was making him uneasy,” Harry says, his gaze trailing outside the window.

 

“Dude, seriously!” Liam looks at him aghast. He cannot believe what he just heard. Everyone and their grandmothers know Louis loves shopping but he wasn’t aware that he sometimes even hit his credit limit. “Umm.. how is he gonna pay it all back?”

 

“I paid all his debt just now so he doesn't have to worry about it anymore.” Harry takes the sip of his coffee. “That’s not why I have called you by the way.”

 

This morning when Liam got a call from Harry, he knew it was something personal. He is aware of the tension between Zayn and Louis right now, and Liam has been trying to talk to Zayn to forget it and move past it. He had a faint idea that Harry might have called him to discuss the same.

 

“I’m all ears,” Liam says.

 

Harry takes a deep breath, “I want you to call Matt and ask him to meet us somewhere.”

 

Liam is confused now. Very confused. He was prepared to talk to Harry about Louis and Zayn. He can’t figure out how Matt has come into the situation or what he has to do with anything. He waits for Harry to explain further.

 

Harry bites his lips and looks out of the window again, “Lottie isn’t talking to Louis and he doesn't know how to sort it all out.” Harry pauses. “You are friends with Matt. He is avoiding all my calls, so you are going to call Matt and I’m going to call Lots and then we’ll let them both sort out the thing by themselves. If they can’t, then it is on them, not Louis.”

 

Liam frowns, “You did not mean what just came out of your mouth, right? How can you even try to put the blame of their broken engagement on them, Haz? That’s not you!”

 

“It is on them! They broke up without knowing the truth,” Harry says walking away from Liam. He doesn't need this right now. He just wants his best friend to help him.

 

“A lot of it is actually on Louis, so maybe he should be the one fixing it, not you,” Liam says. “Stop trying to fix every blunder of Louis’ life, Harry.”  Harry turns to look at him. “You have to let him do it by himself, else he won’t ever learn to fix his mistakes,” Liam continues. He can see how helpless Harry feels right now.

 

Harry’s shoulder tenses, he keeps the cup on the table and settles down on the couch. “I’m not his mother, Liam. I’m his husband, and I hate seeing him like this. I don’t care how but I’m going to pull Louis out of this,” Harry says determinedly.

 

“Even if ruins Louis’ relationship with Lottie and his mother, and the fact that maybe Louis won’t ever be able to see himself in the mirror as well after that?” Liam walks towards Harry.

 

He needs to make Harry understand that he should let Louis do it himself. Helping your partner to get out of a bad situation is not a bad thing. Liam has a feeling that if Harry gets involved he is going to get caught in the crossfire and it will be him who will end up being the bad guy irrespective of whose fault it was.

 

“You don’t have to be so negative. Maybe they both can sort it out and no one gets hurt and everything’s fine at the end,” Harry says.

 

“Wow! You should know more about the risks involved since you run a very profitable company,” Liam makes a remark. If Harry is not understanding it the right way, then Liam will make him understand his own way. It’s going to be a bitter pill to swallow for Harry.

 

Harry is getting borderline pissed now. He only needs his best friends’ support and nothing else. Not a lecture on his integrity.

 

“Harry!” Liam says softly and sits next to him on the couch. Putting down his cup on the table, he gently puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Just one time. Let him do this.” Harry looks at him and Liam can tell Harry is not taking any of it. “You always fix his mistakes, and then he forgets about it, and in future, he does something even worse.”

 

“He won’t!” Harry says. “I — ” he sighs, “It was my fault, I didn’t have enough time for him. We didn't talk much or I should say it was my fault that I didn’t talk him out of getting involved in Lottie’s relationship.”

 

“No, no! You are not taking the blame on yourself. It’s not your fault, Haz. This is what he does to you. You beat yourself down if he does something and you can’t fix it. It’s not healthy.” Liam says.

 

Harry’s mouth sets into a hard line. “Care to explain why you are giving me a 101 on relationships! We aren’t here to talk about it.”

 

Liam leans back on the couch and pulls one of his feet over his knee. “Let me just show you a mirror, Harry. If you try to fix it for him and somehow it goes as planned and everything is hearts and flowers at the end, then you have your husband back exactly the way you love him. If it goes wrong then you are losing a part of him and hurting his self-respect far worse than anyone. I don’t want to think what implication it will have in your relationship in future.”

 

“How fucking dare you,” Harry’s jaw clenched and his pupils flared. Everyone knows anything negative about their relationship is a red flag for Harry. “There’s not a single person on this planet whom I won’t fight for Louis. I’ll even fight Louis for us if it comes to that.”

 

Liam’s brows join together, “You have to fight yourself here.”

 

Harry forgets to breathe for a moment. Of all things, he never thought he was one of the reasons that Louis keeps making impulsive decisions. Since the moment they met, Harry has had a huge urge to protect and love Louis. The urge is still there and he does everything in power to make sure Louis feels loved all the time. Never did he ever thought that somehow him blanketing and pushing Louis’ mistakes under the rug can have an implication like this.

 

Harry takes a shaky breath and thinks about what Liam just said. He’s right. If anything goes wrong, and Lottie and Matt cannot fix their issue, then Louis will never forgive Harry for getting involved in this. Louis can be moody and impulsive but he isn’t the man who tolerates anyone hurting his self-esteem.

 

“I can’t see him like this anymore Li! You are not understanding,” Harry says feeling so powerless like for the first time he is incapable of fixing something without hurting anything.

 

“I’m understanding the situation, Haz, but are you understanding the implication?” Liam asks politely.

 

Harry leans back on the couch and rubs his face. He still can’t get his head wrapped around the fact that he can’t do anything. “Why did you talk me out of this, Liam! Why?”

 

Liam gently caresses Harry’s curls, “Because I’m ready to see you in pain for a while rather than for a long, long time.”

 

Harry blurts out immediately, “I hate you so, so much Liam.” Tears prick on the corner of his eyes. Never in his wildest dream, he thought that there would be nothing he could do to make things easier for the person he loves the most. “Get out!”

 

Liam slouches down on the couch, “Yes, thanks. I’m comfortable.”

 

Harry looks at him and says, “Would you react the same if the situation was with you and Zayn?”

 

“First, Zayn and I don’t cover up each other’s faults. We make sure the other one knows about it. Like I have been reminding him that he was wrong asking Louis to leave. And trust me, Zayn feels bad about it too.”

 

Harry looks at the ceiling, “I never told Louis that he was at fault too. I told him that it was ok and that everything will be alright.”

 

“Do you think it was his fault too?” Liam asks him.

 

Harry looks at him, “Yeah, he shouldn’t have told Z that his changes in the designs suck. It was too blunt. He could have been polite, made him understand in an easier way.”

 

“But he was right, though; the new ideas did suck,” Liam snorts, and Harry chuckles with him.

 

Harry goes silent for a while and Liam caresses his curls again. He loves how Harry’s curls feel so soft.

 

“How will I continue seeing him hurting like this and not help! How will I stop myself, Liam?” Harry whispers. In his mind, all he can see is their wedding day when he vowed to be with him through thick and thin. “He changed my life, he gave me a life.”

 

“I know,” Liam says quietly.

 

“Why am I taking the most difficult step of my life like this?”

 

“You are doing it for both you and Louis. You are going to work on your weakness and Louis will work on his. Trust me, it’ll only make you both stronger.” Liam reassures.

 

Harry believes every single word Liam says. He is ready to work on his weak spots rather putting his entire relationship in jeopardy. If it was choosing the lesser evil, at least he made the one that promises them a better future.

  
*  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

 

Whatever I said about not getting drunk in the broad daylight, it can go to hell. It’s not even 11:30 in the morning and I’m already three drinks down. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I desperately want to slip out of this alternate universe I somehow slipped into. A week back, I had everything. I was the happiest man alive, and now I don’t know what happiness is. It’s a far-fetched idea.

 

Anyway, I feel like drowning in sorrow was getting too much for me, so now I’ll drink them down. I stir the ice in my drink and thrown it back in one go. I cough a little as I put down the glass. My insides are burning but nonetheless, it feels good.

 

“Knew you would be in the most dramatic gentleman's club in London.” A voice calls me and I turn to look.

 

Aww! My only best friend in walking towards me shaking his head at me. Liam is walking behind him checking his phone. Niall pulls a chair next to me on the bar and sits on it. Liam settles on the other side of me.

 

“If only you can stop being so melodramatic,” Liam says.

 

I gasp, “My sister is not ready to talk to me, my mom is about to disown me, one of my best friends has already and.. and my husband didn’t come back to bed last night. I have all the rights to be dramatic,” I tell them both and signal the bartender. “Flame shots for me, please!”

 

The bartender shakes his head at me and gets to work. Why is everyone shaking their heads at me today? I didn’t ask for it, it’s not a gift.

 

“Shots for all of us, Tony!” Niall says. He looks at me, “I was gone for a week and I come back to the mess of your relationships. When are you kids gonna grow up!”

 

Is he making it all my fault, how dare him? “Who asked you to leave! It’s your fault, you should’ve been here.”

 

Liam and Niall pass each other some look which I cannot decode. I don’t like being excluded from the secret looks, I want to be in the circle. Nobody is giving me a secret look and that’s not a good feeling.

 

“If you both here to tell me how much I suck or tell me how disappointed you both are at me, get in line.” There are so many people before them who are yet to tell me how disappointed they are with me. Their complaints can wait.

 

_Where are my shots?_

 

Niall sighs, “No, we aren’t here for that.”

 

“Then why are you both hijacking my perfectly planned day, where I get drunk in this club and stay out of every trouble and then go back home hoping my husband will come and swoop me in his arms!” I just hope Harry swoops me into his arms. It’s been so long. I miss him! I need him!

 

“Liam, will you hit his head or should I do the honors?” Niall says rolling his eyes at me. I’m not liking this at all.

 

“I would love to knock some sense into his pea-sized brain, but my shots are here, and it’s alcohol over bros,” Liam says picking his shot glass.

 

“That’s not how it goes. I’m offended, Liam! If you are trying to be cool, at least don’t try it half-arsed.” I take my shot. Mmm, feels good. I can feel it traveling to my belly. “And you have a pea-sized brain.”

 

I rest my head on the counter. I feel sleepy so I close my eyes. That’s good because I can do with some sleep. It’ll save me from some other trouble. I can be Sleeping Beauty and sleep until the end of time. I mean, if Sleeping Beauty were born in these times, even she would be begging to be put into sleep coma; who wouldn’t? I figured it out long back that Sleeping Beauty was never cursed; she was blessed. Who even wants to stay awake, go through the hell of days, fight for a living over a good sleep? If anyone says otherwise, sorry, we can’t be friends. Now, I just have to find Maleficent. She better have cheekbones like Angelina Jolie, else I’m gonna sue Disney for unrealistic expectations.

 

Liam pats my back two times.

 

“Ow!” I say in pain. “Your Rolex bruised me. I’m fragile right now.” Why does he wears over-the-top watches that are made with finest metals and have the nicest dial, but will break into million pieces if dropped on the floor!

 

“Lou, honestly, only Harry can keep up with your tantrums and I don’t know how he does it,” Liam says. His hands give me a shoulder massage. Oh! That feels heavenly. “You muscles are knotted so badly.”

 

“Keep doing it,” I say.

 

I feel Niall’s breath near my ear and not even a second later, “Get up, Lou!” He shouts into my ear.

 

I jerk upright, Holy Moses! I got scared for a second. I can feel my heartbeat in my throat, what the fuck. Both Niall and Liam are laughing next to me. I can never have peace in my life with friends like these around.

 

“I’m drunk, Niall! All my senses are heightened,” I say.

 

“We don’t have time for your drama, Lou. You have a lot of work to do,” Liam says putting his arm around me.

 

“I don’t have any work actually.” I pick up Niall’s shot since he isn’t having it. I don’t want the shot to feel bad for being abandoned, so I take it down in one go.

 

“Lou, you have a lot of things to fix, and you are doing them starting now,” Niall says with a definitive authority.

 

“I like your optimism but the thing is, Niall, I don’t know where to start, or how to fix things. I just — ” I trail off. Liam’s arm is still on my shoulder and he gives me a supportive press.

 

“One thing at a time, Lou! You _will_ do everything right, I know.” Liam says giving ‘will’ a special emphasis.

 

Both of them have so much confidence in me. Will I be able to do it? Can I make everything like they were before? Haven’t I tarnished everything good in my life already? But maybe they are right. Trying won’t harm me any more than not trying will. Sitting here is definitely not doing anything. So I’ll take it and do what is required.

 

I turn to look at Liam, “You met Harry yesterday, right? Is there something I should know?” Harry only told me that he had some work and he’ll come back to bed later, but he never did. I kept wondering why; he was chill when we had dinner. Not a trace that he was mad at me or something.

 

Liam shakes his head, “He has his own things that he needs to deal with.”

 

Alrighty, Harry better have a good answer for this. I’m not taking some vague explanation.

 

“Now, you are going to see Zayn in his studio and chalk out the difference,” Niall informs me.

 

“Am I? Not sure if he would like to see my face,” I sigh. I miss my best friend.

 

“Lou, he loves you and I’m sure he would love to have you back on his team,” Liam says.

 

I think about it, seems unlikely. “Antonio and I have a lot of creative differences and I don’t want to cause any further trouble.”

 

“Well, Antonio was fired from Versace yesterday,” Liam says.

 

What? What did he do? How royally did he piss off Donatella that she fired his ass? Part of me is relieved that he won’t ruin Zayn’s collection anymore and another part of me feels bad for him.

 

“Board has been planning to lay him off since he hasn’t been working for the company but his own personal benefit and was messing with the designs. Versace has been going on the loss for the same reason. He got the wind about his termination and he decided to fuck with Zayn’s collab, since it is one of the most anticipated in the industry, and probably his last with Versace,” Liam explains.

 

It makes much more sense now. The ideas he presented were so bad and any person who had experience would never approve them. Now I feel extremely bad, I should have talked Zayn out of it; I left him on his own when I could have helped him. He was leaning on me for advice, I should’ve taken it more seriously.

 

They both are right; it’s time I got my shit together. And I’m gonna need my best friend back.

 

*

 

I take the cigarette from Zayn as we lounge by the swimming pool at their place. When I reached the studio, his manager told me he left for home as he was having a bad headache after working in the studio all night. Zayn was surprised to see me at first but hasn’t said a word to me yet. He didn’t get me thrown out of the house so that’s a good thing. On the plus side, we have been smoking non-stop for past 25 minutes. A new one is lit before we even finish previous one. Next to me, Zayn is simply lying with his eyes closed and taking in the sun, while Dora is curled on his lap and Clancy is walking around aimlessly.

 

No one knows how much I appreciate chilling here like this. Zayn was having a swim when I came here, so he is practically naked apart from his short shorts. After few minutes when I felt that Zayn is ok with me being here, I took off my clothes. Right now I’m lying on the lounger in only my underpants.

 

“I should have listened to you,” Zayn says. His voice is so low it takes all my attention to listen to him. “You were right.”

 

I turn my head to look at him. He looks tired and his skin looks so lifeless. “I should have said it in a more polite way.”

 

“No, Lou, you were right to tell me the truth that way. I was too blind. After I asked you to leave, I talked to Liam about it and he told me how wrong I was. Niall told me the same. Donatella called me next day after she got to know I asked Antonio to help and she told me about his malicious intentions.” His head held down in what I can tell is a shame. But no I don’t want him to be ashamed of it. No, never!

 

“I should have trusted my best friend more than an outsider,” he continues.

 

“Zayn, it’s alright. I’m more guilty that I somehow took out all my frustration with you. I shouldn’t have.” I say passing him the cigarette back. “You should have kicked my ass for everything that I have been doing before asking me to leave.”

 

He takes the drag and puffs out a huge cloud of smoke. He chuckles and shakes his head, “Nah, not doing any harm to the pretty ass-et like that.”

 

I laugh. He laughs with me too.

  
  


Both Zayn and I fell asleep on the lounger and woke up only after Zayn’s manager came to tell him that he is scheduled to meet Donatella for evening tea and finalize everything. Considering how drunk and sleep deprived I was, it’s not a surprise to me that I fell asleep.

 

Zayn asked me to come with him, but I declined giving how underdressed I was. But he wouldn’t take no for an answer and asked me to pick anything from his closet. I took the opportunity to take my ‘Stone Roses’ t-shirt back and paired it with a nice Givenchy jacket and black jeans ripped at the knees.

 

“That t-shirt is coming back home with me, my friend,” Zayn says picking one shrimp from my plate. He ate all of his as soon as he could.

 

“Dream on. It’s mine!” I say rolling my spoon in the spaghetti.

 

We have been talking for a while now; we have a lot of catching up to do. It has been just a couple of days, but it seems like I have missed so much of his life already. Same with Zayn. Nothing major really has happened with either of us but we missed out a lot. Zayn has been spending most nights in his studio working on his music; he isn’t getting the perfect tune for the new song he has written.

 

Sometimes I feel like we both are wound with the same string. If things go wrong in his life, some things go wrong in mine as well. There have been times when we both have gone through same situations together. Like when his career demanded more attention, mine needed too. When he was looking for some answers in life, I was looking for them too. I clearly remember the time when I was suffering from Insomnia, he was suffering from it too. Liam once said we both were basically same yet very different people. I agree with him. We both are unusually coordinated in some way or another.

 

“Hey, Lou!” Zayn says. I raise my head to look at him. “I have this photo shoot coming up and I want to do something different for it. Will you style me for it?”

 

I smile. “New Photoshoot! Wow… that’s amazing Zayn.” See, I have missed so much. “I would love to style you but I guess your stylist does an amazing job with you.”

 

“C’mon Lou! You know how much I love when you pick out masterpieces for me,” Zayn says. I have worked on small projects with him before when he just joined the industry. Yes, that was ages ago and I haven’t styled him recently. “Is it because of what happened to us recently?” Worry dawns all over his face.

 

I put my fork down, “No, Zayn, it’s absolutely not because of that. It’s just that I have so much on my plate with Lottie and Harry and I really don’t know if I will be able to do justice to you. I can’t give you my hundred percent if I’m not totally involved in it.”

 

He let out a breath, “I understand! I wish there was something I can do to help you.”

 

I nod, “What is the theme of your photoshoot?”

 

“Ah! I’m thinking of doing something new, not just any boring shoot with same poses. I want to experiment this time with the different type of clothes, colors, patterns.”

 

I think about it for a while. And I suddenly have an idea, “Zayn, I think I can help you with that. You know I own so many vintage clothes and most of my clothes are in different patterns and styles. You can have free reign in my closet and choose whatever you feel like will help you.” This is the least I can offer and I wish I could help him more.

 

A smile like sunshine breaks on his face, “That will be amazing. Thank you so much.” I giggle with him. “But I was thinking of auctioning the clothes that I will wear in the shoot for charities that I work with. So…”

 

Whoa! That sounds great, and just like Zayn. “It’ll be my pleasure to get involved in something like that.” I smile. I cannot think of anything better to do with my clothes.

  


Everything with Donatella was great. She and Zayn have finally decided on the design of each and every piece. I must say the collection already looks so good to me. I mean it is everything that Zayn’s personality is, and I’m proud of all the hard work he put in his collection.

 

Afterwards, we went to Niall’s office. He has been busy all day since he had a lot to catch up to do after an impromptu holiday. I genuinely want to have a life like Niall’s. He can take a break whenever he wants. Not everyone's that lucky.

 

He popped open a champagne for Zayn as soon as we entered his office.

 

“We will have an actual celebration for this, right?” Niall asks.

 

“Whenever you want,” Zayn adjusts himself in the massage chair in Niall’s office while I refill my flute of champagne and sit down next to Niall on the couch. How much have I drunk today! I lost count, but I don’t care. I take out my phone to check for any messages. There’s an email from Mrs. Logan.

 

“You did good today, Boo.” Niall caresses my hair.

 

I chuckle, “There’s a lot left for me to do starting with how the fuck am I gonna fix the mess I made of Lottie’s life.”

 

I take a swig of my champagne. I should probably carry a bottle of vodka with me everywhere and every time someone says I can fix things. I would take a shot for not having any idea how to do it.

 

Mrs. Logan’s email is about the Stella McCartney bag that I picked out for her a couple of months back. That actually is one of my favorites. I gave one to Lottie as well. I’m glad that Mrs. Logan wanted to tell me how much her daughter loved the bag even when I don’t work for her anymore.

 

“Oh my God, this feels so good,” Zayn says throatily.

 

I look at him. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was having an orgasm. Can’t blame him. I love Niall’s massage chair too. I shake my head and start to reply to her while Zayn and Niall continue to discuss the launch of his line and the things regarding it.  

 

As I send her the email, an idea crops in the back of my head. Holy fuck! Why I didn’t think of this before. Yes, I can totally do this, it can help me solve the issue.

 

“Guys!” I squeal. Zayn eyes fly open and Niall jumps in his seat. “I think I know how to sort out Lottie and Matt’ issue.”

 

They both are looking at me holding their breaths. I explain them everything and they both give their nod and support it. I feel little relieved that at least I have found out the first step to solve the mess I have made. Next, I type a long email to Mrs. Logan explaining her everything.

 

*

 

The house is eerily silent as I enter. It’s pretty late when I come back home. I texted Harry that I won’t be joining him for dinner as I was having it with Niall and Zayn. I think he might be asleep by now. I enter our bedroom and switch on all the lights. I’m surprised to find the room empty. I check the closet and bathroom but nope nothing, he isn’t even on the terrace. I put my jacket down on the couch and go to the library to look for him. Even Cliff isn’t anywhere near the sight.

  


The door of the library is open and I quietly walk towards it. Maybe he is working and doesn’t want anyone to disturb him. I’ll just have a look and go back to the room. I won’t disturb him.

 

The room is dimly illuminated. I glance at his desk but he isn’t there. I frown, but soon my eyes fall on the lone figure by the window. There is he looking out of the window with something in his hand. I look at it carefully and it seems like a glass of scotch. He is wearing his comfy silk drawstring pants. He seems sad and withdrawn. I have never seen him like this before. Even his shoulders are hunched up. At this moment, I feel so helpless and deprived of anything nice. I put him in this position, it is all my doing. I hate myself for doing this to him. There’s nothing more than I want than to take away all his worries and sadness.

 

And I will. I would rather drink down sulfuric acid three times a day than to ever see him like this again. I can’t even begin to tell him how sorry I am. I actually have no words to say to him. I slump down to the threshold of the library, pull my knees to my chest and look at him. Every time I blink all I can see is him smiling, laughing and being happy. What I am seeing right in front of me is nothing I have seen before. It’s the worst thing to see actually.

 

“Lou!” Harry looks over his shoulder. He then turns around to look at me. “Why are you sitting there on the floor?” He walks towards me. He looks like a mess, his curls sticking up in every direction, skin paler than usual. Though he is wearing his glasses I can tell his eyes look tired.

 

“I don’t want to disturb you,” I say quietly.

 

“You never disturb me, honey. Want a drink?” he asks. Even though he is probably not in good shape, he is still talking to me so sweetly.

 

“Get me the bottle of bourbon that I have been saving for ages,” I say. Harry has a small liquor cabinet here and we stash our favorite ones there.

 

I have been drinking all day today, so technically this day should feel short. Instead, this day feels painfully long. It seems like I can feel the seconds passing by.

 

“Had dinner?” I ask him. I hope he is not quitting any meals.

 

He nods, “Yes, soup and bread.” He gets the bottle and comes to sit in front of me on the other side of the threshold. From somewhere even Cliff joins Harry and sits next to him. I didn’t see him before, makes sense that he is his favorite parent.

 

“Come inside, Lou!” Harry says.

 

I shake my head taking the bottle from him, “Nope, I am fine here.”

 

Cliff curls up next to Harry, he didn’t even come to greet me. I open the bottle and drink straight from it.

 

“You upset with me too, son?” I scratch Cliff behind his ear. He doesn’t react.

 

“No one’s upset with you,” Harry says taking the bottle from me and drinks from it. I chuckle. Everyone’s upset with me, even the universe.

 

“Why aren't’ you in bed? It’s late,” Harry says.

 

“That bed is fucking huge.” I have never felt how big it is and how empty it feels without Harry in it. “I can’t sleep in it without you. And something tells me you are avoiding coming anywhere near me.” I take the bottle from him. Harry’s blank face tells me everything. I put the bottle in between us. He is avoiding me.

 

“I’m not avoiding you, Lou,” he says sincerely. “I just — I know what will happen if I come near you.”

 

“You don’t have to give up your comforts for what I did. I’ll sleep in any guest room. You should go and sleep in our room,” I say.

 

“What makes you think I don’t hate being in that bed without you?” He picks up the bottle and takes a gulp. “We have made some good memories in that bed. I’m not ruining any of those or even having one where I lay there miserable without you.”

 

“What’s going on, Harry?”

 

He lets out a long breath, “The thing is, Lou, I love you so much that it is getting increasingly difficult for me to see you like this, miserable and helpless. I just want to take away every bad thing and pull you out of the situation without giving two shits about what will be the result of it.” He takes another gulp of the drink. “And I know my weakness, you are my weakness. If I sleep next to you, it won’t take me another second or thought to close the physical distance between us and I know it will only drive me to do what you don’t wish me to do.”

 

“I don’t want you to get involved in my mess, Hazza. I want you to stay away from it. I’ll sort it out myself,” I tell him. I take the bottle from him. I take a gulp for my husband telling me I’m his weakness now when I have been nothing but his strength all these years. I never wished to be his weakness.

 

“See, that’s the thing, I’m hating myself that can’t help and every second that passes by I’m getting more and more restless. I’m worried that I’ll do something that will tarnish our relationship, and honest to God, I don’t want that. I’m in the middle of fucking hell.” He looks so lost right now, my heart aches.

 

He is right; if he does something and it goes wrong, then it will affect our marriage, our relationship. A shiver goes down my spine thinking about it. Fuck!

 

“Harry, I’m trying to make everything right, but if it doesn't go the way I hope, then I will probably blame myself until the end of time. I don’t want you to get involved because I don’t want you to own even the speck of blame. We are at this crossroad because of me, and I’m going to make it right for us.” I promise him.

 

“We are in this place together. Then why can’t I help?” Harry is looking straight into my eyes.

 

A feeble smile makes way to my lips. “You have absolutely no idea how driven I am to go out and fix everything right now just to never see you like this again. So in a way, you are helping.” I try to make light of the moment. If it goes any darker, then I don’t know what are we going to do.

 

Harry chuckles. I pick the bottle and take a swig. We both just sit there drinking bourbon one by one straight from the bottle and after a long time I have an illusion that things are ok.

 

“This house is so bloody huge; it scared me a little when I was looking for you,” I say. “Why do we live in such a big house?”

 

Harry laughs, “I don’t know. But yeah, it feels so cold to be here alone in this house.”

 

“Our first house was the size of our library.” I have a crystal clear image at the back of my head of our first home.

 

“The plumbing was so bad there, and our landlord never fixed it.” Harry reminisces.

 

How many times did we get into argument with him because of the plumbing issue? But he always turned a blind eye and never bothered to get it fixed.

 

“We lived there for almost a year,” I say.

 

“Yeah,” He looks at me. “Our first year together.”

 

Few months after we both started dating, I graduated from uni and I decided to have a place of my own. When I told Harry about it he asked if he could move in with me since he was looking for another place to live as well. Everyone told us that it’s not a good idea to move in together so soon, but neither of us cared about what they said and did what we wanted to.

 

The first year in any relationship is a difficult one because you try to get to know your partner more and more every day. Anything can go wrong. But it was never the case with us. Yes, we did get to know each other a little more every day, but we never thought about the worst. It was also the year I realized that how much I have waited for someone like him in my life. I fell madly in love with him. Truly, madly, deeply. Every little thing about him made me fall for him harder.

 

I smile at the memories. “Has it really been that long since we are together? Doesn’t feel like it.”

 

“Yup all the memories are fresh in my mind like they happened just a couple of year ago.” He rests his head on the threshold. “Memory is so weird. Things that have happened ages ago seem so fresh and somethings that have happened recently feels like a lifetime ago.” We both go quiet for a while.

 

“Then we moved into a nice house in Hampstead.” That house was a steep upgrade for us. From a small shoebox house to a big one with nice lawn on the back side and a lovely garden on the front.

 

“That house has seen us grow up actually,” he says. “But this is my favorite ever.” He smiles and looks at me. “We came here married. We had welcomed Cliff here. This house always seems like a reflection of us and our love. It feels more like home than any other house we have lived in.”

 

I nod. He is right; this is home.

 

“Can’t believe it is almost an entire decade with you,” he says. There’s satisfaction and amusement on his face. “It doesn’t even feel this long. It seems like yesterday when I saw you in the toilet.”

 

“You splashed you pee on me, Harry!” We both laugh at the memory. “Technically, I should have put you back in place for ruining my shoes like that but instead here I am married to you.”

 

Harry laughs, “You looked so cute holding your dick with one hand and typing a text with another. I was intrigued.”

 

“I was multi-tasking, Harry!” I giggle.

 

Our gazes lock and in that moment I realize how far we both have come in our relationship. Over the years we both had our issues but we overcame all of them and at the end, we always realized how much we love each other. Our love has stood with us even on our lowest, it has kept us going.

 

We both are going to survive this as well, and hell will freeze before anything stops me from getting my husband back in my arms where he belongs. It is where he has belonged since I saw him for the first time.

 

Maybe we both didn’t need a physical moment to find out how much we love each other but a moment to bare our souls to each other and talk about our weaknesses and realize why we both are still madly in love. We both needed to realize that blanketing each other’s weak spots is not a solution, but highlighting it so we can work on it is. Sometimes talking is all we need. We both need to talk to each other even more.

  
  
*

 

 

It takes me a couple of seconds to adjust to the surroundings. I throw away the blanket and get out of the couch in the library. I don’t remember lying on the couch last night. All I remember is talking to Harry while drinking bourbon. Eh! My head is pounding. My eyes fall on the empty bottle on the table, but Harry is nowhere in sight. I look at the time and holy shit, it’s ten minutes to 8. I scamper quickly to look for Harry.

 

Harry is already ready and about to leave for work. But it’s too early for him to go to work. He is writing something on the sticky note as I walk up to him.

 

“Morning,” I say. I’m confused as to why he’s ready so early.

 

He looks at me in surprise. His eyes look tired and his face dull. He doesn’t look his usual chirpy self. “Morning. You awake?”

 

“Yeah. How did I get to the couch in the library?” I ask him. I genuinely do not recall getting there, but I was also very drunk.

 

“I put you on it,” he says. “You were falling asleep on the floor, and I didn’t want you to sleep there.”

 

My shoulders sag. He didn’t have to put me on the couch. I would have been fine. I shake my head, I can’t do this so early. Also, my head is banging on the sides, and there’s a foul taste in my mouth. I need to sort myself out first before I go on how he shouldn’t have to make sure I was comfortable.

 

Harry crumples the sticky note and throws it in the dustbin.

 

“What were you writing?” I ask.

 

“I was leaving you a note. I have to go to Manchester for some work and I won’t be home for a couple of days.” Harry looks away from me and picks his phone from the table.

 

I look at him aghast. “And you wanted to tell me that over a sticky note rather than face to face!”

 

He is still not looking at me, and is trying to keep himself busy, “You were sleeping.”

 

“Shut up with that.” That’s literally not an excuse. “If you want some time for yourself just say it to my face. Why you didn’t tell me this last night or did you decide to go to Manchester just now?”

 

Harry looks at me, “I was meaning to tell you, but the topic never came up.”

 

I cannot believe what he just said. He is lying. “Lies are not exactly the kind of music I want to listen in the morning.”

 

He purses his lips. “Lou, I need to work on my flaws and stop myself from doing any harm. Please understand.” His eyes are begging to me right now. Never I have seen him this desperate to be away from me.

 

I don’t know what to make of this. Whatever he said last night made so much sense as to why he would not want to be near me. I can give him a pass and I should. He is clearly suffering more than me.

 

“I’m sorry, Lou.” He touches my face and I lean my head into his palm. His thumb brushes softly over my cheeks. “Please.” His voice is barely a whisper.

 

Before I can come up with an answer he walks away and then out of the front door and I stand there in the house, feeling empty to the core.

 

*

 

Zayn picks out a plaid blazer from the closet. It’s very Mad Men-ish, I got it from a vintage auction a few years back. I think I have worn it only once and that too to a themed New Year’s party. I couldn’t find any other occasion to wear it again. And up until now I totally forgot about its existence. Now when I look around I realize I own way too many clothes. The entire room is replete with clothes hanging from the rails.

 

“This is a masterpiece,” his stylist remarks holding it. Zayn nods and his stylist puts it on the railing.

 

Zayn continues to go through my entire wardrobe. A beep on my phone grabs my attention. I unlock it to see who sent me an email. My heart skips a beat when I see the sender’s name. It’s from Victoria, whom I asked to design a one-of-a-kind wedding dress for Lottie. She sent it to Lottie as well. I tap on the image of the design attached to the email. Oh my God! It’s so beautiful. It’s everything that Lottie wanted in her wedding gown like her dream came true.

 

Lottie will be seeing it, too, and my heart hurts thinking how she is gonna feel about it. Tomorrow is the launch of her line. But if everything goes as I planned, she would be wearing this dress at her wedding. I just hope nothing goes wrong anymore.

 

“What do you think of this?” Zayn holds a white cashmere sweater in front of me. I can see the tags still on it. Did I never wear it? How is this possible?

 

“It’s nice but doesn’t go with your different theme,” I suggest. Everyone owns a white sweater, there’s nothing new about it.

 

I get up and walk towards the wardrobe. I look at the clothes in front of me carefully and then pick out a classic burgundy vest, a light brown woolen blazer, and a pleated pant. They aren’t my style really but they look good and everyone should own one of these. You never know when an occasion will arrive and you will have to wear them. Better be ready for it.

 

“These will look good and not many people wear them,” I say showing them to Zayn and his stylist. These are mostly old people’s style, not many young people like to wear these.

 

“Excellent,” his stylist says, taking it from me.

 

Next, his stylist pulls out a mustard colored sweater, a Burberry trench coat, and grey woolen trouser.

 

“Doesn’t everyone already owns that trademark Burberry trench and scarf?” Zayn asks.

 

I snort. At one point in life everyone has worn this and somehow it is still everyone’s favorite. It just never goes out of fashion.

 

Zayn picks out a washed denim jacket. That’s my favorite jacket. I remember when I bought it, I wore it for a week straight. It looks good with everything and even Harry wore it a couple of times. I’m not giving it Zayn, he will auction it. No, I can’t part with a timeless piece like this.

 

“Put it back,” I ask him. He pouts but hangs it back.

 

I pick out a Brunello Cucinelli field jacket for him, and since he plans to do some outdoor shoot, it can help with the theme. His stylist takes it from me and puts it on the approved clothes railing. I pick out few shirts and tees for him.

 

After five hours we have decided and picked out the clothes that Zayn can work with. We both collapse on the couch; it was a hell of a task. Glad we were able to pick out the best for him and I’m more than glad that I could help. His stylist was quite satisfied when he left.

 

He picks beer bottles from the table and passes one to me. We both clink our bottles together. I slouch further on the couch propping my feet on the table.

 

“You own way too many clothes, mate!” Zayn says.

 

“I spend a lot and I hit my credit limit twice this week,” I confess. It is the first time I am saying it out loud to someone other than Harry, and damn I feel ashamed of it.

 

“What! Why?”

 

“Stress shopping,” I say gazing at the ceiling and taking a gulp of my cold beer. “You see all the bags on the floor are from my latest shopping spree and I don’t think I have enough space to keep them.”

 

Harry got some of my shopping bags moved to the guest room but still there are way too many. Half of the floor is covered with them.

 

“What are you going to do with them?” He asks.

 

“Don’t know,” I whisper.

 

“Banks aren’t too nice when it comes to outstanding debts,” Zayn says.

 

“Why do schools never teach you about the things that can actually help you in life. I don’t know how to do my taxes, even. But hey, I know all about photosynthesis and how plants make their own food. Fuck, I can’t even cook a decent meal!” I complain. I know Harry cleared all my payments when he shouldn’t have.

 

“Most people have this question!” Zayn says.

 

I lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. My head is still hurting slightly from yesterday’s binge drinking and seems like today won’t be any different. Zayn pulls me closer and wraps his arms around me so I’m more comfortable.

 

“I’m in the worst place of my life, Z. I just want this nightmare to get over.” I whisper. “Harry has gone to Manchester, he won’t be home anytime soon. I drove him away.” There’s a huge lump in my throat which I try to swallow.

 

“I can talk to him about this and ask him to come home, he doesn't have to do this,” Zayn says.

 

“There’s nothing anyone can do,” I say. I try to hold back myself. I have to control spilling my emotions in front of him or anyone else. I don’t want someone’s pity. Zayn pulls me closer tighter and doesn’t say anything further. He knows if he says anything to comfort me, it’ll go wrong and I will break down. Even with my best friend being here with me, all I can think about is being back to my happy place that is Harry’s arms. I close my eyes and imagine Harry around me. It might bring me some comfort.

  


Zayn left shortly after he got a call from his manager and I decided I could do with some alone time to let my mind make me feel more miserable. Nothing like a self-loathing session where you have a flashback of everything bad or embarrassing you have done in your entire life. Like I haven’t been hating myself enough. Honestly, I can’t even take care of my own well being.

 

I curl up in a ball on the bed of our guest room, I couldn’t bring myself to get into our bed. Cliff is still disappointed at me and isn’t talking to me. So many bad thoughts are running through my head about us. No, I can’t do this, I can’t be alone. I need to do something. I need to get out of the house. Yes, that might help. I’ll go to Niall’s and stay there till Harry is back. Niall won’t mind at all. I wonder how he lives alone? How doesn't he go mad?

 

I sit upright on the bed, it feels weird to sleep in here. I have never slept alone on this bed but I do remember how much trouble and how many phone calls I had to make to Barney’s in New York to get the limited edition upholstery of this room.

I casually walk towards the walk-in closet of the room. It is comparatively smaller than the one in our room but has a huge wardrobe, a full-size mirror, a drawer and a settee. That’s the only thing we could think of offering to the comfort of our guests. We don't really have many guests, really. I'm pretty sure I haven’t been in this closet for ages. I remember the interior of this room, but I don't remember when was the last time I came here. My eyes instantly fall on the lavender color piece of cloth sticking out from the door of the wardrobe. I walk towards the closet to push the cloth properly inside and slide open the door a little to fix the cloth. I see few pieces of clothes hanging so closely and tightly like they are being pushed together by force. I slide open the door to see what’s going on.

I freeze on the spot, looking at what is in front of me.

The huge wardrobe full of clothes. This is the second biggest room in this house and the wardrobe runs from one end of the wall to another. There are so many clothes. Whose clothes are these?

 

Are these… nooo!!! It can't be... All these.. Nooooooooo...

 

I run downstairs to get some answers from June. She takes care of our house, she would know whose clothes are those.

 

"June!" I call her loudly.

 

"In the living room, honey!" she calls out.

 

As I reach there, I find her cleaning the center table while Cliff is sitting and looking at her. It’s like he is making sure she is doing her job properly.

 

"Whose clothes are in the guest room upstairs?" I'm out of breath.

 

She looks at me with a puzzled expression and then casually says, "They are all yours."

 

I can feel the blood rushing through me, my cheeks feel so hot. "After you hired me, you asked me to move the clothes that you have worn to that room."

 

"And how long have you been moving them there?"

 

"Four years! I do that every month. All the clothes that you've worn in a month, I hang them there."

 

I gasp in horror, "So those are my clothes... of four years." Fuck. "Please tell me Harry doesn't know about it!"

 

"He does! He sometimes helps me in adjusting your clothes there. There's not an inch of space left. I might have to move them to another guest room."

 

"Shit!" Harry knows about them. This is bad. This is so bad. How can I forget something like this? How could I be so careless? There are hundreds of pieces of clothing there and Harry never asked me to take care of them or even look at them. Now, I have a vague memory of asking June to move my clothes there.

 

When we moved here, I didn't bring a single piece of old clothes, sparing a few that were my favorites and held a special place in my heart. I gave the rest of them away. After few months, I ran out of space in my closet and asked June to move them. And then I forgot about them.

 

But Harry remembered!

 

I'm beyond embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I thought I was done with the embarrassing- myself quota, but it seems like there’s still a lot left. I rub my face trying to figure out what to do. I promised Harry that I’ll fix everything and that included everything awry in my life. Whether I knew about certain things or not is not an excuse.

 

“June! Please help me in moving those back to my closet.”

  
  


I sit alone on the floor of my closet and it seems like this room is hit by a tsunami. There are clothes everywhere. There weren’t less before, and now there isn’t an inch of space left in this room. With my knees pulled up to my chest and my hands wrapped around them, I wonder why I needed these many clothes in first place. What did I accomplish in my life with these? I feel nauseous looking at them even. I can’t believe this is what I have spent most of my earning and now I can’t even bring myself to look at them properly. The air in the room feels stuffy like my emotions have combined with the air, and it is ready to choke me.

 

I take a few deep breaths closing my eyes trying to calm myself. Suddenly, an idea pops into my head. Zayn said he will auction the clothes he will wear for the shoot for the charity. I should do that too. I can auction few clothes and send the proceedings to the charities. I can give few to the people in need. I definitely don’t need so many, and my clothes are in good condition as well.

My eyes fly open, I quickly run to our store room and grab a few empty boxes to put my clothes in it. I couldn’t figure out how many I’ll need so to be on the safer side I ask John to get me some more empty boxes.

 

Back in the closet, I don’t know where to start. I feel drained just looking at them. I shake my head to put all the gloomy feeling in the corner; now is not the right time. I have work in hand and I need to get rid of so much clutter. I decided to start from the bunch of clothes that are on the couch.

  
  


As I was folding a t-shirt, John enters holding few empty boxes. He clears some space on the top of the cabinet and puts a bottle of water, a brown takeaway bag and my travel mug which he said has hot tea for me. I almost choke at his gesture.

 

“You can have dinner and I will sort this for you.” He smiles. “Tell me where to start.”

 

I’m hungry and tired, I can use his help a little. I nod and gesture him to continue from where I left off.

 

After a couple of hours, I ask him to leave as it was getting late. He has helped me a lot and together we were able to sort out half the room. I asked him to take whatever he liked. He put aside one box of clothes for himself.

 

“I don’t mind helping you with this all night,” John says.

 

“Thanks, but I want to do the rest alone,” I say.

 

The worried expression on his face tells me that he knows I don’t like being alone. But I need to face the reality and fix this on my own. I’m glad he helped me but I can’t ask him to help me further. He reluctantly agreed to leave asking me to give him a call anytime I needed his help. Before leaving, he put a kettle in the closet, filled it with water and put a small box of assorted tea bags next to it. Bless him!

  


I decide to take a shower after John leaves. I just thought it might help me clear my head. But no, the feeling of being alone in this house is making me extremely emotional. I pick Harry’s body wash and wash myself clean with it. The faint fragrance lingering in the bathroom is exactly like it smells after Harry uses it. It gives me a tiny bit of comfort.

 

I look around in the closet looking for something to wear. I open Harry’s wardrobe and stand in front of it. His clothes are perfectly arranged with a proper one-inch gap between them. One side is dedicated to his suits only while his casuals are neatly arranged in the different sections. His wardrobe is more organized than my life. I walk towards the suit hanging on the cover. It’s his wedding suit. I can feel the tears prick on the corner of my eyes as I take it out from the cover. I sit on the floor holding it against my chest.

 

It reminds me of all the happy memories of our wedding day. I couldn’t wait to get married to him after he proposed and every minute that we weren’t married was a torture. I can still remember the way our kiss felt after we exchanged the rings. The entire wedding ceremony was magical but nothing still compares to the love that Harry’s eyes held when I looked into them as I put the ring on his finger. I rub my nose gently on the fabric. I remember how he smelled that day. I can even feel the warmth of sun that fell on my face as we stood in front of each other on the aisle. I can still feel the way he looked at me and how his face beamed when we were pronounced husbands. When we were finally alone after the reception, we held each other and kissed for hours. After a while, our lips were swollen but that didn’t stop us from kissing each other even more. That night wasn’t sexual, it was too emotional and holding onto each other and kissing was the only thing we wanted to do.

 

I don’t know how long I sat there remembering our wedding day. I get up and hang his suit back in the place safely. I have this huge urge to have him around me, to have his comforting presence. To accomplish what I desire, I run to our laundry room and pick out one of Harry’s recently worn shirts and PJ. They still smell like him and it is enough for me to get going through the night. Putting them on I get back to work.

 

This still feels soft to touch, my shirt that I wore when Harry and I went for our date in Macau. He had some work there and I accompanied him. We stayed at the Venetian and rowed a gondola on the lake inside the hotel before going to the casino. Harry won some money there, and we spent every last penny of it on the strip gay bar. We had so much fun that night, probably the most fun date we ever had. I’m never throwing this away and put it on the ‘to keep’ rack.

 

I pick ‘The Rolling Stones’ t-shirt. One day Harry came home after having a terribly bad day at work. He was so dejected and barely spoke to me. I couldn’t take his silence like that for long. When he was in his office after dinner I went to him and simply kissed him deeply. We made love all night that day on the floor but he never took off my shirt saying it looked good on me. It was a sentimental night, I could feel how Harry was feeling every time he touched me or kissed me. Later, Harry took the t-shirt from me and wore it till it wasn’t wearable anymore. I had to ask him to stop wearing this shirt after it got torn from the middle but Harry held it together with a safety pin. He hung it in the closet in the guest room, not wanting to part ways with it. Nah, never throwing this one as well. I take off the shirt I’m wearing and put this one on. There are so many clothes here and many of them have a different story with them.

 

I sit down on the floor thinking about whether should I call Harry or not. He wanted to clear his head by having some space between us. If I call him at this time I’ll probably cry since I’m surrounded by everything that has our precious memories. Its past midnight, he must be asleep. Hopefully, he is getting some much-needed rest there. Maybe some time apart from me will do him good. He shouldn’t bring himself down because of my mess.

  


Tears stream down my face as I go through our pictures on my phone. We both have a folder where we take pictures of us kissing and save it as our effort to preserve nice memories. I can’t even dare to open the folder now, I’m barely holding myself together right now. I can’t remember when was the last time I cried like this and I never want to even cry again. It’s the saddest thing to do.

 

Sounds of something scratching on the door grabs my attention, I can’t make out what it is. It’s so faint. I‘m glued to my spot on the floor, if it’s some killer in our house, then I’m done. A chill runs down my spine and everything around me feels cold. My heartbeat races as the sound comes again. The door makes a slight creaking sound as it opens a bit. A part of my head is urging me to look for something to hit or a weapon or maybe run, but I can’t move. I can’t move a limb. I hold my breath and wait for what is coming. A second later Cliff runs towards me.

 

“Oh my God, it was you, son.” A sob escapes me as Cliff hugs me. I cry holding him tightly. His broken whimpers tell me he is not too happy to see me like this. He licks my tears away and I sit there holding him. “I’m sorry,” I whisper to him.

 

He licks my face again and I think he has forgiven me for hurting his favorite dad. I’m never hurting either of them ever again. These two are my immediate family and I love them both beyond measures.

  
  
  
*


	13. Chapter 13

 

“Wakey wakey, sleepyhead!” A voice reaches me.

 

I open my eyes slowly and then close them again because the lights are assaulting my eyes. I take a deep breath and slowly try to open them again. I blink a couple of times to adjust to the surrounding and lights. Bloody hell! Why am I on a couch in our closet? And why is Liam smiling and looking at me? I shake my head and everything dawns on me. Eh!

 

“Li!” I sit up on the couch. Cliff stretches on the floor but then even he gives up and refuses to sit up. At least he has a choice.

 

“Coffees and donuts.” He hands me a cup of hot coffee and put the box of donuts on the table in front of me. “Room looks tidy.”

 

I look around and yeah it looks so much better than it did last night. I have neatly stacked the boxes in the corner. Just one railing of old clothes and my wardrobe is left for sorting out, rest of them is done. It took me all night to sort out the old clothes.

 

“What time it is?” I ask him.

 

“Little after nine,” he says sipping his coffee.

 

“What are you doing here this early?” I ask him. I don’t remember asking him to meet me today. Or did I forget that as well? I should maintain a diary now.

 

“Well, I love having breakfast with you, so that’s why I’m here,” Liam says.

 

I take a sip of my coffee and lean back on the couch, closing my eyes. “Bullshit! Did Harry ask you to check on me?”

 

“Nope!” He says.

 

I open my eyes and look at him, “Did you talk to him?” Please say yes. “I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him since he needed some space.”

 

“You should have. He didn’t sleep all night,” he says. “We were talking all night. And since I didn’t sleep a wink even Zayn didn’t so he kept Niall awake all night. Zayn told us how sad you were because Harry isn’t here. We thought of checking on you.”

 

I nod. “Does he really have some work in Manchester or he needed to get away from me?”

 

“Of course he has some work there; he won’t go to another city for no reason. If he only needed some space for you he could have checked himself in a hotel here itself. London’s a big city.” Liam says.

 

I stay quiet.

 

He puts his hand gently on my shoulder, “Lou, he isn’t mad at you. He can never be. He loves you so much that he will move mountains for you. And you know he will.” He pauses looking at me. “It’s just some important work came up and he thought it will be better if he lets you sort out the issue here your way. He is trying not to get involved, thinking about the worse and he hates that he isn’t here with you.”

 

I hold his hand in mine needing some comfort, “Why does love make us do things that we never wished to do even in our worst nightmares!”

 

“Yeah, it’s like love gives you a reason to breathe while taking away your breath. So weird, right!” he says.

 

We both sit silently, sipping our coffees. I take the opportunity to ask Liam the question that has kept me wondering for years. I know Zayn’s side about it but I want to know Liam’s take on it too.

 

“Li!” I say. He looks at me. “Does it ever make you feel sad that Zayn isn’t out in public and you both can’t be out with each other? I mean his fans don’t even know you exist in his life. Doesn’t it affect you?”

 

He leans back more comfortably on the couch, “It did at first; it doesn’t anymore. Because no matter what, we both know where we both belong. Everything is just a blip in front of it.”

 

I can relate to what he just said. When you love someone deeply and they love you back equally, it gives you a sense of security in the relationship. There’s not even a question of not trusting your partner. I know for many people it is an alien concept and over the years I have been asked numerous times how Harry and I maintain our relationship. It’s actually not difficult, I think being with Harry is the easiest thing I have done. And why it shouldn’t be, he is a part of me. But that is love; trust, friendship, and everything that make two people normal with each other.

 

“Where are Niall and Zayn?” I ask.

 

“One of Niall’s fish is acting strangely and he thinks she is about to give birth or something so he has called Lane to help him know the situation better. And Zayn has a guy from label coming to listen to his songs that he has recorded till now. They both should be here in an hour or so. Till then I can help you in sorting out whatever is left.” Liam says.

 

 

After three hours, we were able to sort out all my clothes. Liam, Niall, and Zayn took the ones they liked. Liam said he knows a company that does the auctioning of clothes on websites like eBay, so we won’t have to do it. They just charge some commission for it. They will be handling Zayn’s auction too, and they seemed like a good option.

 

My wardrobe has never looked this clean and organized and I feel so proud looking at it. I used to organize the shelves and everything in Harrods and after I coming back home I never bothered to do the same for my own wardrobe. There’s so much space in my wardrobe now and we hung all the clothes in proper color code. I hope I don’t mess it up again or I should ask Harry to make me clean it whenever it gets messed up again. Knowing myself, I know it won’t stay like this for long.

  


*

 

Standing outside entrance door of Aqua Shard I have a weird feeling in my feet. It’s tingling and I can feel the blood rushing through it. I always love the amazing view of the Thames from this restaurant, it’s so calming and relaxing But I think the view isn’t going to be helpful today, neither is their roasted Scottish cord or meringue.

 

This isn’t time for me to get cold feet, I’m a man on a mission and I’m going to fix things today. Having Zayn, Liam and Niall with me all morning did put a lot of optimism in me. I still don’t know why they trust me on a critical issue like these more than I trust myself.

 

I’m going to embarrass myself shit inside. I would rather take a job of being an undercover spy in Russia than go inside.

 

I take a deep breath and walk in the door. The day is so lovely. Clear sky and warm sunlight bring with it joy to the city. It’s the kind of day where you spend all day in the park soaking in the sun. I just hope this day is also kind to me too. Spotting Matt, I walk towards him. He is sitting on the table alone, waiting for someone. I’m that someone.

 

“Hey,” I say sheepishly approaching him.

 

He looks up at me, and boy, he looks like a mess. There are dark circles under his eyes and his hairs are so messed up. “I’m busy, leave me alone,” he says curtly.

 

“Matt, please-,” I start saying but he cuts me off mid-sentence.

 

“Look, Louis, I’m here to meet a new client. Please, just leave,” he says, looking away from me.

 

I hesitate before speaking, ”I’m the new client.”

 

He looks at me in shock; exactly what I anticipated.

 

“I figured out you wouldn’t want to see me if I asked you to, so I asked Mrs. Forbes to arrange you to meet me under the impression that I’m the new client,” I explain.

 

He shoots me a dirty look, the kind of look you would throw at someone if they ran away with your kidney. I eye the chair, hoping he will ask me to sit. I’m just being shameless here, if he won’t ask me to sit I’ll pull the chair for myself.

 

He starts to get up from his chair but I put my hands on his shoulder to stop him, “Wait, Matt. Please give me a chance to fix everything.”

 

He looks at me like he is thinking whether to give me a chance or not.

 

“I know I was very much responsible for what happened, but I promise we can fix it,” I say it with utmost sincerity.

 

He takes a deep breath and gestures me towards the chair in front of him. I can see a faint glimmer of hope, and it makes me happy. Maybe there's a chance everything will be alright. I’m not letting that chance go away. I’m going to make sure Matt listens to me and believes me.

  


It has been fifteen minutes and Matt hasn’t said anything to me or even looked at me. He just once asked me what I wanted for lunch like I would care about food at this crucial moment. I just ordered a juice for myself while he ordered a full course meal. Nice to know he is taking care of his health and not starving.

 

I clear my throat rather loudly to get his attention. I have tried making sounds with spoons, a glass of water and even tried to make a lousy conversation about the weather. Nothing was working.

 

“Matt!” I say seriously. I need him to listen to me.

 

He looks at me, “What?”

 

“We should talk,” I say politely and pick my glass of cold pressed juice. I think I’m gonna subscribe to it to get weekly delivered to our place. Internal cleansing is very important these days. “It won’t work if you keep avoiding me.”

 

He takes the bite of his roasted lamb and sweetbread. “Go ahead.”

 

I lean forward on the table and put my hands on it. “Why haven’t you talked to Lottie?”

 

“I thought you were here to apologize?” He shoots me an accusingly look.

 

“Yeah, I’m here for that as well. But tell me why you didn't contact her! She broke up with you dude and you never thought of asking her why?” No matter what I couldn't shake off why Matt has been so cold at her for breaking up.

 

“She wanted that,” he says looking back at his plate.

 

“And? You were ready to let her go if she wanted that, you didn’t give a chance or hear why!”

 

“What do you want me to say! Yes, I didn't call her or ask her anything. After how she was dancing with the guys in the club and the humiliation she put me through in front of all my co-workers, I was mad at her. I was waiting for her to call me and apologize, but she never did instead she sent me the ring back. Tell me where I was wrong?”

 

“Matt! You’ve been with her for four years, you know her. She would never hurt you. You should have tried to ask her why, or maybe not accept the ring back,” I say.

 

He goes silent, and so do I. He rotates his fork on the plate, not bringing a single piece to his mouth.

 

“You knew how badly she has been waiting to marry you; she is literally counting days. Did you think she would actually hurt you like this?” I ask. How could he not see right through her? You are supposed to know your partner like the back of your hand and knock their head if they do something stupid.

 

He is still not looking at me, whirling the spoon on the plate.

 

“It was me who made her think that you may be cheating on her with that Elena girl,” I say quietly.

 

His eyes shot up at me in anger.

 

“The fuck, Louis! Elena’s my friend,” he says strongly.

 

“I know, we met her at a party and she told us that. And I’ve been utterly guilty since then.”

 

“You deserve to be miserable for that,” he grits his teeth.

 

“You have no bloody idea how miserable I am.” My heart sinks.

 

His fork falls on the plate with a clatter, “Why would you make her think that?”

 

“For the starters, neither of us knew who Elena was,” I say, and then explain all the confusion that has happened since we saw them both across the street from us in front of the restaurant. I tell him how I asked her to go and dance with guys to make him jealous, and the sheer rage on his face gave me the hint that he won’t hold back from physically hurting me if it gets to that. But I contain the situation calmly, only he hasn’t calmed down.

 

“Why did you never tell her about Elena, and how you were helping her with her breakup?” I ask.

 

“She has been so busy with the launch of her new jewelry line, and you know how personally she would have taken the responsibility to cheer Elena. I didn’t want her to focus on anything other than the launch. She has been so excited about the line,” he explains.

 

I nod. It makes sense. If Matt had told her about Elena, Lottie would have gone above and beyond to make sure she was doing ok. Lottie would have invited her to their place for dinners and taken her out to meet her friends. She doesn’t like to see anyone going through a rough breakup.

 

“Do you want her back?” I ask.

 

“Of course I do! I love her, Louis. I just don’t know how to approach her. It’s been some time since we broke up, and I don’t know if she still wants me back!” His face falls at the last sentence.

 

He is kidding me, right? “Of course she wants you back, duh! She isn’t doing good without you. And nothing will bring her joy than you making up to her.”

 

“How- I mean,” he exhales. “Why should I go and make up to her? Shouldn’t she? ‘Cos she was the one to call the breakup?”

 

“I know I sound like a person who is taking the side of his sister right now, but tell me what is more important than your relationship?”

 

He pouts, “Nothing!”

 

“Then we should go apologise to her. I have more to be sorry for than you.”

 

I can see that he is really getting excited and thinking about it. “Wouldn’t she be leaving for her event now?”

 

Oh yes, her launch starts at four. I quickly check the time and say, ”Listen, if we leave right now, we can make it to my mother’s place in twenty minutes. You both can have some time to talk before she leaves.”

  


He agrees. I throw some bills on the table and we leave the restaurant. I ask him to come with me in my car since John is driving and he knows all the shortcuts and we can be there soon-ish.

 

I try calling Lottie again, but she still does not receive my call. Matt is sitting next to me biting his nails. He seems nervous. I pass him a bottle of water and take out a bottle of vodka from under the seat. “Help yourself.”

  
  


No no no no no! This can’t be happening. We can’t just be stuck in traffic in the middle of London like this.

 

“How long will it take, John?” I ask him desperately. Matt is peeking out of the window. There are cars all around us. We can’t even turn back and take another route now.

 

“Maybe half an hour. A major accident happened here,” he says. It’s a one-way street and there’s a lot of traffic. No wonder it is going to take time. Police sirens and ambulance are blaring loud.

 

“What are we gonna do?” Matt asks nervously.

 

I look around to take another glance at the situation. No matter how much I try to convince myself that it will be clear soon, I know it won’t be. We might lose Lottie if we are stuck here and I would very much like to resolve everything today. I can’t take the guilt with me for another day.

 

“Get out of the car. We’re running to my mother’s home!” I quickly hop out of the car.

 

“We can take a cab!” he says.

 

“Dude, we don’t have time to wait for the cab. We have only seven minutes. If we run fast, we can make it on time,” I say.

 

He nods and we start running. It would have taken us five minutes by car but I’m sure it is gonna take us longer now. I decide to call mum and enquire about the situation. Hopefully, I can convince her to make Lottie stay back for five more minutes.

 

“Mum!” I say after she picks up the call. God! Running and talking on the phone is so bloody difficult, it requires some special skill.

 

“Lou, are you ok? Why are you out of breath?” I can hear the concern in her voice.

 

“Mum, I’m ok and we are on our way to your place. Where’s Lottie?” I ask her. My mouth feels so dry.

 

“She just left. Lou, what’s going on? Who are we?” she asks, still worrying about my well-being.

 

“No! Mum, ask her to come back home. I need to talk to her.” I say. No shit, she can’t leave so early. What am I gonna do now? We are still running and we will be home in three minutes but it won’t be of any use if she isn’t at home.

 

“She has an important launch to be at, I can’t ask her to come back home.” Mum is so defensive about her and I understand. Ugh! I should have told mum everything before I went to see Matt, she would have agreed to make Lottie stay at home till I came to see her.

 

“Mum, I got to go! Bye,” I disconnect the call.

 

I stop and open the app for the cabs she always takes. I once asked her to use the cab tracking app so I can know for sure she is safe. It takes a while for the app to load and update the data. I see her cab taking the route which we are in, we both start running in the direction even faster.

 

Matt spots the cab coming and runs in front of it and shouts, “Stop! Stop! Stop!”

 

“Matt, look out!” I shout. The cab is driving too fast towards him, I swear my heart skipped a beat. Who the fuck asked him to jump in front of the cab and get run over by it? The last thing I need is Matt ending up in hospital.

 

The car jerks to a halt just an inch in front of him making a loud screeching sound of the tires. I think we need to have a little chat about the negative consequences of trying to be James Bond in real life. Dude, what the fuck. He could have been seriously injured.

 

The cab driver throws expletives at him for trying to die under his car. Lottie hurriedly gets out of the car, confusion written all over the face.

 

“Matt! Lou! What’s going on?” Her brows join in confusion.

 

I halt in front of Lottie and drop my hand on my knees. Damn! I’m out of breath. My veins feel so dry like I don’t have anything liquid inside my body.

 

“I’m so sorry, Lots, for everything I put you through in past couple of weeks.” I sincerely apologize and then I can’t stand anymore. I lie down on the footpath trying to catch my breath. I need water.

 

My legs can’t even move an inch now. I should start going to the gym and do some workouts. I am young, I shouldn’t feel like this after running for just a few minutes.

 

“Lou, are you ok?” she asks. I nod and she looks at Matt, ”What are you doing here?”

 

“I miss you, Lottie! I’m sorry I never called and tried to patch up when I should have. I should have told you about Elena long back, I shouldn’t have kept a secret.” Matt says, panting. His eyes are squinting, even he can’t stand straight.

 

“Matt! I should’ve trusted you.” Her eyes fall on the ground, ashamed of herself.

 

“It was my fault, Lots,” I say, still lying on the footpath and catching my breath. My insides feel like they are on fire and my throat feels as dry as a sandpaper.

 

“No, Lou, it was mine, too, and I won’t let you take the blame all by yourself.” She looks at me.

 

I take a huge breath, trying to fill my lungs with all the air I can. It seems like the world is in low supply of oxygen and there isn’t enough.

 

“Lots, I’m wretched without you. I can’t live like that for another day. Please, will you have me back?” Matt asks her.

 

“Yes, yes! Oh my God, Matt, yes. I love you so much,” she replies happily and throws her arms around him.

 

Matt takes out the ring from his pocket and gets down on his knees holding out the ring, “Will you marry me?”

 

Wow! That’s some sappy shit. He goes around every day with the engagement ring in his pocket. He might have been meaning to reconcile with her.

 

“Yes, Matt!” she chimes and holds out her hand. Matt has a smile on his face as he slips the ring back to where it belonged, where it looked the best. I can’t help but smile like a fool lying here.

 

Standing up on his feet, he takes Lottie’s hands in his, “Can we forget what happened and live happily ever after?”

 

She nods.

 

I take the opportunity to make sure we all are past everything, “Can we also forget that I was in anyway involved in the temporary breakup? I mean we can just forget the whole situation and never ever talk about it again in our lives.” I’m just taking a long shot here.

 

“No, Lou, I won’t let you forget it, only because I hope you are never a part of anything like this again,” Lottie says.

 

I pout. She has a point, but I learned my lesson and I don’t want to be reminded all the time. But I guess I will discuss it with her later.

 

The sidewalk feels so comfortable to my aching limbs, I just don’t have any energy to get up. I can stay here all day.

 

Suddenly the sounds of kissing grab my attention. “Ew! Stop it. Don’t do this in front of me.” I say to Matt and Lottie, making out passionately. No one wants to see their sibling with anyone making out. Also, I haven’t been laid for more than a week and I don’t like the reminder of what is missing in my life right now. This is the longest I have gone without Harry, I can barely make it past three days.

 

“Get out of my eyesight, both of you, shoo shoo!”

 

“Get up first,” Matt says giving me his hand. I take his hand but don't stand up. I sit there, waving them and wishing Lottie good luck for the launch.

 

She looked beautiful in the dress but now since the color of her cheeks is back, and her smile hasn’t left her lips, she looked every inch perfect. She looked more herself than the pale, withdrawn and lost person. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest and for the first time in my life, I managed to fix crucial things without a huge help from anyone. But there’s still more for me to do, still a lot of things that I need to work on. But first I need to see my mother.

  
  


Mum heaps my plate with another serving of Lamb roast and some grilled cherry tomatoes. Since I came down to tell her everything and that Lottie and Matt are together, I have been doing nothing besides eating and drinking. I have eaten an entire packet of nachos, drank half a bottle of wine, and some fruits with cream. I feel way too hungry than I have felt in a week.

 

“I’m so glad you sorted out everything, Lou!” she says. Her eyes are shining and she is smiling so bright and wide that it made me smile too.

 

I nod and grab some tomatoes in my fork. “You wanted me to!”

 

She ruffles my hairs, “I love you, Lou!”

 

I take her hand in mine and kiss the back of her hand, “I love you too, mum!”

 

It always feels so good to be with her. Everything in the world feels right when you are with your mother. We have our difference of opinions, or sometimes I avoid doing something she asks me to, but then again she loves me the most. She has been mine and Lottie’s go-to person, our best friend, she still is. Seeing Lottie so sad and heartbroken must have affected her as well. I’m never putting either of them in any situation like this. Ever!

 

“Where’s Harry?” she asks.

 

“He is in Manchester for some work.” I take some forkful of lamb. “He’ll be back soon.” I hope he returns back soon. I don’t know what to say to him, what will I say to him if I call! I will only contact him once I have sorted out everything. Not a minute before it. Call it my own motivating factor.

  
  


“Stay here for the night, Lou,” she says as I start to leave. She must be feeling low as Lottie is going to back to her and Matt’s place.

 

“I can’t, mom,” I say. I would love to stay here with her but I have my own things to deal with. I need to learn to stay alone. I have to face my fears; I can’t keep running away from them.

 

I shake my head and hug her tightly promising her to be back tomorrow. I think I’m going to spend my free time with her and that way even she won’t feel too lonely. Not having me and Lottie around most of the time must be blue for her. I know she is always busy with her charity organization but at some point, I do believe she must miss us a lot, even though she never tells us that. After Lottie went to uni, she suffered from ‘empty nest syndrome.’ I tried to come home from time to time but it wasn’t enough. I can’t make up for the lost time but I can surely try to spend as much time with her as I can.

 

*

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. Chapter 14

 

**Two days later**

 

_Dear Husband, bring your sweet ass home tonight. My penguin is missing his mate. :)_

 

Should I put some suggestive emojis or not? Will the emojis be too much, since we haven’t talked in awhile? I want my message to give him a hint of what I’m planning, but I don’t want it to seem too provocative. Adding few more emojis will be too much, I guess. Chuck it, no more emojis. I press send, and not a second later I get the delivery tick and another second later I get the read tick. Phew! He is coming home tonight. I must start the prep.

  
  


I look around our living room, all the curtains and blinds are up, giving us a perfect view of the city at night. The crystal chandelier is lit and the room is filled with soft yellow light. I have lit the candles around the room and there are some flower petals on the floor. The entire house smells of vanilla and lavender. The table is set for two with warm chicken stew and bread, and a bottle of chardonnay.

 

My eyes fall on the clock at the corner of the room, it’s time, he must be home soon. Suddenly a beep on my phone grabs my attention. It’s a message from Patrick informing me that Harry is on the way up to the penthouse. Earlier, I asked Patrick to inform me about the same and that he should take the service elevator to enter the house.

 

I take a deep breath and walk towards the front door. Oh my God! There are butterflies flying in my stomach in every direction with the hint of nervousness. I hope he is happy with all the preparations I have done. There are a lot of other things that I’m hoping as well, like we both back to being our normal relationship where we both love and bother each other endlessly.

 

The low beep from the door was followed by the quiet unlocking sound of the lock. The door flies open with a force, and beyond is Harry. His eyes fall on the floor which is lined with candles and flower petals. He traces the path through his eyes and takes a step inside. His brows join in bewilderment and lips pout. He looks so beautiful right now, holding his suit jacket in one hand and the access card in another. He isn’t wearing a tie and the top two buttons of his off-white shirt are undone. His brown leather shoes go so smoothly with his navy blue suit.

 

Closing the door behind him, he walks inside further. His eyes find me standing in front and not too far from him. His eyes light up when he sees me wearing his favorite Rolling Stones t-shirt. Our eyes meet. His eyes are so clear; even though he looks tired, he looks magnificent. He puts the access card on the slot and throws his jacket on the table nearby. A hint of smile makes way to his lips as he stands in front of me. He smells like a sin right now, he knows how much I love this particular perfume and it’s not a happy coincidence he happened to wear it.

 

“Hi,” I stutter. He looks kinda intimidating right now. Subconsciously, I take a small step back.

 

“Hey,” He gives me his sly one-sided smile and takes a small step towards me.

 

Why am I nervous? Maybe it is because of the way he is looking at me right now. I thought we were gonna have a happy reunion. I wasn’t prepared to have Harry ready to tease me the second he walks in from the door. Why is he like this? Why I love him to bits even when he is like this!

 

All these questions can wait, I can’t wait to tell him about everything that I have fixed and sorted out. He needs to know I have been up to good work in past few days.

 

“Lottie and Matt are back,” I blurt out while taking another step back. He can totally stop intimidating me like this. It’s not being merciful to my dick. “I apologized to them and got them reunited.” I can’t help but smile so wide.

 

Harry nods taking another step towards me.

 

“I also cleared my closet. I’ve decided to auction a lot of my clothes for the charity and gave few away to the people in need.” I tell him and take a big step back. Yesterday I spent half the day with mom distributing my clothes to the children that her NGO helps with. Winter’s not too far away and I’m glad I could give them as many woolens as I could. Sometimes they need more than money.

 

He looks at me in confusion. “You what?”

 

“Yes, I cleared all the clothes from the guest room and our closet. My side of the closet is technically more arranged than yours right now.” I say proudly. I sat in the closet today and just marveled at how nice my wardrobe looks.

 

He tilts his head slightly in amusement and takes another step towards me.

 

“I also returned the clocks that I bought from Tiffany but kept four of them as Christmas presents for our closest friends and families. They weren’t too glad about taking them back, and I think I’m not even welcomed anymore at any of their stores.” I can never forget the look the manager gave me when I told them I wanted to return the clocks. I actually returned a lot of clothes as well and none of them were too happy to take it back.

 

“To hell with Tiffany then,” he says and takes another step towards me. He is standing so close to me that I can feel his minty breath fall on my face.

 

My eyes flutter as I look into his. We are so close that I only want to crash my lips on his and melt into his arms.

 

“So you don’t have clothes to wear?” His hands slip under my shirt and land on the bare skin of my waist. Even his hands are warm, they send a huge wave of electricity inside me.

 

“I do! I’m trying to change my habit of buying clothes every third day. I think I can repeat my clothes.” I bite my lips. I haven’t said that out loud and it sounds like an alien thing. How am I ever going to repeat my clothes, I haven’t done that in ages.

 

“Maybe you can get them dry-cleaned and they will be as good as new again,” he says tightening his grasp on my waist.

 

“Yeah,” I whisper. He leans down and our lips brush against each other, I can feel his erection even though there are several layers of clothes between us right now.

 

“Anything else you wanna tell?” he says slowly dragging the tip of his nose down my jawline.

 

I close my eyes, the feeling is getting too much for me to handle. My arms loops around his and I whisper, “I love you!”

 

What happens next makes me let out a helpless moan. My legs wrap around his waist as he picks me up and walks us towards the wall behind me. As my back hits it, our lips crash into each other, sucking, biting and smooching like our lives depend on it. I pull his hair to deepen our kiss.

 

I’m back to where I belong, I have missed this feeling, I‘ve missed us being like this. Harry gently carries me from the wall to the couch and throws me on it.

 

“Where’s Cliff? He didn’t come to greet me. Did you sell him too?” he asks as he helps me out from my shirt.

 

“Oh, fuck you! He is my son!” I shout as I fiddle with the button of his shirt. There are way too many buttons. Why do shirts have so many buttons? “He is in our bedroom.”

 

Harry takes off his shirt in one swift motion and throws it. I put one of my legs on the floor and throw another over the backrest. Harry settles himself between my legs and kisses me again while unbuttoning my jeans.

 

He pulls them down and then his hand tugs the elastic of my underpants. “Why are you wearing so many clothes? If you send me a message asking me to bring my ass home then you are not supposed to wear so many layers of clothing. That’s like a law!” he says in between our kisses.

 

I smile, “Patience is a virtue.”

 

He looks at me with one eyebrow raised, “I can give you quite a lesson on both patience and virtue by leaving you lying here o the couch and going for a shower.”

 

“Oh my god, no!” I pull him back for a kiss. I don’t have any doubt that he won’t do anything like this. He will!

 

He smiles in our kiss while pulling down my underpants. My dick springs out between us.

 

“Ah! You are already ready.” He wraps his warm hand around it. My back arches as his thumb wipe its head. He seals our mouths again and his tongue does that slow licking again that makes me long for him. His fingers roll and tug my nipples.

 

My hands tug his hairs painfully, “Harry!” I manage to say.

 

“Relax,” He says and kisses my neck before kissing me all the way down to my nipples, giving them both all the attention they deserve till they are paining and are unbearably sensitive. A mist of sweat covers my skin and I feel hot. He makes his way to belly button while pumping my dick rigorously. A broken moan escapes me as he grabs my balls and plays with it. I can feel my dick hot and balls heavy.

 

“Missed me?” he asks smirking.

 

“Badly,” I say. My heartbeat races as he licks the head without taking his eyes off me.

 

He makes his way to the inside of my left thigh and kisses it before biting it and then sucking it mercilessly. I know he left a hickey there.

 

His mouth covers my feverish dick and the way his tongue swipes over the sensitive crown brings me close to orgasm. His suction tightens as his tongue massages that perfect spot over and over again. I grab the hand rest on the couch, I can feel my knuckles going white. Every moan that he made reverberated through me.

 

My fist tightens the hold even more as he takes my cock down his throat. A bead of sweat break from behind my ear as he pulls off his warm mouth. He is driving me crazy with his playful licks from root to tip. He pauses for a moment and then covers my dick with his hand and starts pumping it vigorously. He just wants me to come, I’m already so close I’ll come crashing like a wave. I started moving my hips to match his pace. He covers my dick with his mouth again. I’m just a few pumps away and he knows it. His cheeks hollow as he sucks my cock with force, his tongue flutter over the underside of the cock driving me to the brim.

 

A groan leaves my throat and I spill in his mouth like a flood. He milks me and swallows every last drop of me.

 

I stare blankly at the ceiling, catching up my breath as I lay there, boneless. Harry climbs on top of me, kissing me all the way up to my cheeks.

 

“I love you so much, babe!” he says leaving sloppy wet kisses over my entire face. I couldn’t help but giggle.

  
  


“Stew is good,” he says moving his hand up my bare thigh. I ditched my jeans for dinner but kept my underpants and t-shirt. I raise my head from his neck and kiss his cheek before looking at him and smiling. I adjust myself a bit more comfortably astride on his lap.

 

“It took me four hours to make it. Four hours!” I complain. It shouldn’t take anyone four hours to make a stew. “Jamie Oliver’s recipe said it takes 35 minutes. So, give or take, it should have taken around 60 minutes.”

 

He bites his lips from laughing. “How did it take you four hours?” He looks at me amusingly.

 

“I don’t know. All the washing of vegetables, chicken, and stuff together took four hours. Meh!” I take another sip of chardonnay.

 

He breaks another piece of bread and chews it. “Bread is so good!”

 

“Yeah, just that I didn’t make it. I asked John to get it from a bakery.” He nods. “The one I was trying to bake burned… badly.” I take another swig of my wine.

 

“I think this is my favorite stew ever.” He brings a spoon full to my mouth.

 

Mmm… it is good, “Don’t! I’m not making ‘stew-making’ a habit. It’s a recreational activity, only for once in a while.” I can’t sweat myself out in the kitchen regularly like this. “I made this all by myself without any help from June, and man... it was tiring. Can’t bring myself to do it again anytime soon.”

 

“We will make it together,” he says suggestively.

 

“Ah! And season it with what, your cum!” I reply sarcastically. Harry used to cook sometimes a few years back, he doesn't have time anymore. But I’m sure he will find time to do cooking with me if he gets even the slightest hint that I’m willing to cook whenever I have time.

 

He bites his lips again, “I don’t jerk off anywhere near stove or fire. I’m not into fire play!”

 

I look at him for a second and then burst out laughing and kiss his temple before hugging him tightly. He wraps me even tightly. I’m back to my warm happy place.

  


I slip inside the cover more comfortably and turn on my side to look at Harry and Cliff playing. Cliff jumped on Harry as soon as we entered our room after dinner. He missed Harry too much and he made sure Harry knew it with the way he whimpered. I smile looking at how Harry is telling him how much he missed Cliff and that he is glad to be back home.

 

After few minutes, Harry puts Cliff back to his bed and adjust the cover over him. Harry turns off the lamp above Cliff’s bed and goes inside to change and get ready for bed.

  


Harry enters the room, proudly naked just wearing the smile and cross around his neck. There will never be a day when I won’t get butterflies looking at him like this. I giggle when he throws away the cover. He sucks my toes before tickling my feet. The sound of my laughter fills the room and Harry beams happily. He slowly runs his hand along the length of my leg and stopping on my inner thighs. He leaves another love bite on other thigh and climbs on the top of me. Wearing jeans tomorrow is going to be painful.

 

Urging me to turn around on my stomach, he kisses my penguin. He plants a soft kiss the dip of my back and kisses his way up to my spine and shoulder.

 

“Fuck me,” he whispers kissing my neck.

 

I raise my eyebrows. “Gladly,” I smile, turn over and sit astride over his torso.

 

Harry tucks his hand behind his head, the way his biceps bulge excite me more. I love watching him workout sometimes only because he looks so good when he is sweating and I love watching his ripped muscular body.

 

“I got something for you,” he says happily. “It’s in the top drawer.”

 

It takes me by surprise. I didn't see him entering the house with any gift in hand. I bend over to the drawer on the side and Harry holds my waist so I don’t fall from the bed. It’s a bit far from where he is laying on the bed and I have to stretch myself to reach it.

 

Upon opening it, I find a big box and take it out. A laugh escapes me when I read the label on it. It is a box of my favorite ribbed condom, the one that Harry filled with air a few days back. I open the box and inside there are smaller boxes of the condoms.

 

“Where did you get them?” I ask, surprised. They are always out of stock.

 

“You shouldn't worry about it; just so you know, I made sure we’ll never ever run out of these.” He says.

 

Do I really wanna know what he did there, umm... I guess no. I should probably enjoy the benefits.

 

“Wanna know why I love them so much?” I wink at him, and he pinches my nipple in response.

 

*

 

I pull the covers over us and lay my head on the pillow, “My lips feel swollen!”

 

Harry looks at me through his glassy eyes, he is still catching his breath. His cheeks are perfectly scarlet and body is covered in sweat. His finger touches my lips.

 

“Yeah they are swollen and there is a blue spot on your upper lip,” he smirks.

 

I gasp, “Don’t you dare! I hate hickeys.” Apart from being painful, everyone just knows you’ve had sex. And then people ask ‘What’s that on your neck?’ C’mon, don’t they know what a love bite looks like. Why do they have to ask?

 

Harry chuckles and intertwines our legs and fingers. I love him so much, love him for everything he does, love our little fights and banters, love the way I feel towards him. My entire body turns into a soft warm marshmallow when he is this close to me. I love his smell, love the warmth he brings in my life.

 

“Why do you love me, Harry? Why do you love me so much? I’m a disaster. Look what I did a few weeks back!”

 

“Hmm... Good question!” He says, propping on his elbow over the pillow and looking at me. “I mean who wouldn't anyone fall in love with you and your blue eyes, your baby soft skin. I love how your body feels to my touch.” Harry laughs a little. “But that just the 10% of the reason why I love you. There is other 90% which I can’t even explain.”

 

I look at him waiting for him to explain further. I want to know the reasons he loves me for, because even if I tried I couldn’t explain him all the reasons why I love him.

 

He continues, “Louis, you remember when we started dating and my ex came to my house and started banging on the door so loudly, talking shit about me and you?”

 

I nod. I remember that evening clearly. It was raining lightly and we both had take away Chinese with some wine. We weren’t dating for long so there was a hell lot of smiles, giggles and blushing throughout the evening. Everything turned serious when that guy started pounding on the door.

 

“Well, do you remember what you did?” he asks. “I was 2 seconds away from breaking his jaw. But you, you invited him inside the house, offered him water. You even gave him some food. You listened to him patiently and politely till he passed out on my couch. I don’t know how you managed to see my ex on my couch and not make an issue out of it. Next morning you even offered him cereal. Do you know what he said to me before he left?”

 

I shake my head. I think I was in the shower when he left. I never saw him again in my life, I don’t even remember his face or name.

 

“He was so ashamed of his behavior and told me that I should stick with you. I mean a few hours back he was barging at my door, talking shit, and when he left, he had a change of heart. If you weren't there that night I would probably have had a brawl with him on streets.”  Harry takes my hand into his. “I fell in love with you that day, Louis. And I haven't stopped falling in love with you each day since then.”

 

“'Cos that's what you do when someone comes to your home. You don't shit on them, you don't insult them. You make them comfortable.” That’s a no-brainer; it’s basic etiquette.

 

“That takes a good heart and a hell lot of energy to do, Louis. I can swear there are people who invite others to their homes, only to subtly insult them,” he says.

 

“I didn't have anything against him. He had things against you and me, and I wanted to know what. Also, he was drunk.”

 

“Sometimes it’s better for people to man up and take the responsibility for their actions. Being drunk is not an excuse. We aren't kids anymore, we weren't kids back then,” Harry says firmly.

I don’t know what to make of it. What Harry told me is that he had a bitter breakup with his ex, and we never discussed it because it was absolutely not important. What I never knew was that even after so many years, Harry still holds that evening against him. If I were in his place will I hold any situation against my ex too? I don’t know, maybe I would.

 

Harry can forgive people, but he bloody well never forgets. He can be so warm towards you that you can cry of the happiness, but the second you cross him, he will be so cold that you will probably loathe yourself for the rest of your life. Harry is the most loving, gentle, caring and giving person I have ever met. But he also has a dark side, like everyone else, just that his dark side is little too dangerous.

 

He starts to speak, “That one time I bought a small company which was in some trouble and I told you about my plans to break the company, fix it, and sell it off. You simply asked me- how I would've felt if someone brought my work, changed it as it would fit them, and then sold it off? Technically, what I was planning to do would have been a wise business decision. I would have done it, too, if you never made me see the other side. Keeping your words in my mind, I never broke the company apart or sold it. They still work independently under my umbrella and trust me. Louis, they are eternally grateful for that. I'm by all means more than grateful. I gained an ally with them and I know they would be on my side, if needed. And that is all because of you, Lou. I'm a better man with you. You give me a reason to believe that there is a better side to everything. If it weren't for you then I would have been a brute businessman.”

 

I shake my head, “No, you wouldn't have been. You always knew where you stood.”

 

“Things change people in a lot of ways. Difficult times sometimes make people thick-skinned only to survive the harsh and brutal world. They sometimes remain their nice and grounded self, but that takes a lot of energy. It's easy to get winded up in the moment and let all the fame and achievements get into your head. You have always made me stay grounded.” He kisses the back of my hand.

 

“And these are just a few reasons why I love you. They aren't enough, not even close to enough. Every day you give me a reason to fall in love with you.” A smile makes way to his lips and eyes, “So you gotta multiply 9 years with 365 days and there are two or maybe three leap years so add three extra days and sometimes I fall in love with you more than once so you will have to add few more number-'

 

“You do know I'm bad with numbers,” I interject.

 

He laughs, “Let’s just say there are endless reasons.”

 

I nod and turn on my side to see him more clearly. He still has few beads of sweat on his forehead and his cheeks are pink, lips exceptionally red. I fix his stray curl and peck his lips. My mind is buzzing with so many questions that I need answers to.

 

“So, whatever work you went to Manchester for, is it taken care of?” I ask caressing his cheek.

 

“Office work, done. Personal work, still in progress,” he says.

 

I don’t know what to say, but I’m sure he is trying. His first instinct should never be to help me. I mean it should be, but not always. He shouldn’t try to fix every mess that I make, I should be the one to do it.

 

“You know, you can take a step back and let me handle things on my own,” I say softly. We have to talk about it someday and for once I don’t want to put anything on hold.

 

“You are my husband. Hell if I can’t help you!” He looks like I have said the most inappropriate thing ever.

 

“I want you to be on my side, Haz, not running around doing what I should be doing.”

 

“I’m always by your side,” he says.

 

“Then promise me whenever I do stupid things you will stop me from doing them rather than covering for them afterward.“ I hold out my pinky.

 

He huffs a breath and contemplates whether to agree or not. I don’t think I have given him much ground to negotiate.

 

“Fine,” He agrees reluctantly and joins my pinky with his. I smile even though he isn’t willing to do it, he is trying at least. With constant discussion and talk, we will be able to bridge the gap between us.

 

We intertwine our legs and kiss each other deeply, Harry’s fingers move up and down my back like a feather.

 

“Hungry?” Harry asks, breaking our kiss. I nod. I can surely do with something hot right now.

 

Harry gets out of the bed to make his way to the kitchen. I stretch myself and somehow the bed feels so cozy that I don’t feel like getting out of it. I pull Harry’s pillow to hug it tightly. My life feels better since Harry came back home, this house seems better, so does this bed. My eyes start to droop but I shake my head and try to stay awake. If I sleep now I’m going to wake up in the middle of the night from hunger, it’ll be more difficult to get out of bed then.

 

I pick my phone and scroll through my messages and email. There’s one from Lottie informing me about the appointment she has fixed with Victoria for her wedding dress is on Friday and that I will have to come with her. I don’t have much option, so I send her my acknowledgment.

 

There are few message from Niall and Zayn, asking if things went smoothly since Harry came home. I reply them that there’s nothing to worry about. Zayn’s message comes back immediately reminding me of the email I got this afternoon. I spring to my feet and make my way to Harry, I have to tell him about it. How could I have forgotten such an important thing?

  
  


The entire house smells of chocolate; it’s mouthwatering. Harry is standing by the counter pouring hot chocolate into glasses. I walk to the fridge and take out the can of whipped cream. Hugging Harry from behind, I put the cream on the counter and kiss his shoulder.

 

“You want me to sleep?” I ask. We could be going on all night doing the dirty and he wants me asleep!

 

He chuckles, “You’ll fall asleep, hot chocolate or not. You look tired as hell.”

 

I hum in my acknowledgment and take a deep lazy breath, Harry’s scent filling my nostrils. Harry tops the whip with some chocolate shavings and caramel.

 

Holding both the glasses in hand, he turns around. “Bailey’s hot chocolate is ready.”

 

We make our way to the living room and settle on the couch, sitting next to him, I lay my head on his shoulder and one of his arm loops around me holding me tightly.

 

I take a sip of my drink and brace up to tell him the news. “I got an offer from Versace to be on their creative team.”

 

Harry’s entire face lights up and he smiles ear to ear, his eyes gleam with happiness. “What! This is such an amazing news, boo. Congratulations!” He pulls me even closer and kisses my lips. “You didn’t tell me this before.”

 

I can’t help but feel and absorb all the happiness emanating from him. For the first time since I received the email, I feel joyous. “I forgot about it.”

 

“I knew you will do amazing. What are their terms and stuff?” He is more excited than me about the offer.

 

“Um.. they have called me for discussing the same on Thursday,” I say.

 

Harry buries his head in my neck and kisses it lovingly, “So proud of you, love!”

 

I giggle and climb on his lap. Harry pulls me closer and continues to plant soft kisses on my neck and throat. I pull his head to face me; we aren't’ finished talking.

 

“I think I will start next week!” I say, holding my glass in both hands. I know going back to work is too soon but I should probably.

 

Confusion crosses his face, “Why? You are on your break.”

 

“Haz! You saw what happened when I had nothing solid to work on. My mind was all over the place and I was a disaster,” I say. Even though I try not to think about it, I don’t think I will be over the guilt anytime soon.

 

“And you took care of it too,” Harry takes a sip of his drink, his one hand on my waist, holding me in place.

 

“Yeah, I did. But I don’t wanna do anything stupid like this again and I think it is better if I go back to work.”

 

“No!” Harry protests. “You won’t!”

 

I throw him a look, why is he stopping me from going back to work? “Why?”

 

He sticks out his pinky at me, “I just promised you that I won’t let you do anything stupid, and taking a break was for you to expand your horizon not to jump on the first opportunity that comes your way.”

 

“What if I do something stupid again?” I say.

 

“And you want to let go the chance that will broaden your creativity just because you are afraid of doing something like this again!” Harry says seriously.

 

I stare blankly at him. I haven’t thought about it that way. Yes, I’m scared and I don’t want to relive the time where I practically disappointed every single person that matters to me, including our dog.

 

“Lou, you won’t do anything like that again,” he says, sipping his drink. “You know why? Because you’ve learned your lesson.”

 

I look at his face. Whatever he is saying is making perfect sense, but I’m worried.

 

“Go ahead, babe, and give yourself a chance. You can’t just be scared of situations that may or may not happen.” He puts aside his glass on the table, takes mine and puts it away too.

 

“Don’t let it be the setback of your career.” He takes looks straight into my eyes.

 

My hand slips around my neck as I throw my head back and blankly stare at the ceiling contemplating what I really wanna do. I really, really wanted to use this break to find out what I love the most. I enjoyed helping Zayn with his collection and I somehow enjoyed the entire process of making a collection from start to bottom. Maybe I can do this, but do I want to do it for the coming few years till the next opportunity arrives at my door, or do I want to take a chance and chase them myself? The latter will be too much effort, but if not now then when?

 

Harry is right, maybe I should give myself a chance. If I lose, I won’t have anything to regret for. Not taking the advantage of the break will be my regret otherwise. No matter how much you love your job, at one point you just want to distance yourself from it and try something new. That’s how we broaden our skills.

 

“You are right,” I look at him, my hand resting on his chest. “I think I will negotiate working with Versace as part time and not full time, and find other opportunities to try my hands at.”

 

He smiles a satisfactory smile, “That’s my baby!”

 

I hug him, what will ever do without him.

 

“I know what is going to help you clear your head!” he says.

 

I look at him, “Wine?”

 

“No!” He shakes his head. “A holiday!”

 

My brows join in confusion.

 

“You and I can do with a week or ten days away from all the hustle bustle of the city. It will be therapeutic for us both.” He says.

 

I nod, yes we both can do with a holiday. Some exotic place will be good. “Where do you wanna go?”

 

“Anywhere away from city life, a quite nice place,” he says.

 

I chuckle, “The countryside?”

 

He thinks for a while, “Yeah, maybe the countryside.”

 

I smile. Yup, I love countrysides. We both have never been to one for more than three or four days. A week or so will be a proper stress-free holiday.

 

“Let’s go then,” I say with enthusiasm. I know we won’t go for another week or so. Harry will have to make all the arrangements and if Versace agrees with me working part-time or as a freelancer then I will have to make the arrangements too. I can’t wait to go on a holiday.

 

Harry takes my face in his hands and kisses me deeply. I get lost in the moment. I’m with the person who I love dearly. Everything in my life has led me to him, always him. I can’t put into words or poem how much I love him and my life with him in it. There’s no song yet written that does the justice to how deeply I love him and there will never be because my love for him cannot be put into words. Those 26 letters are not enough to form the right word or right sentence. But every breath I take, every time my heart beats, it is in the rhythm of our love. And that’s enough for me!

  
  
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